God, please save me from garage sales.
Whenever I see one, it just never fails.
I always have to stop and look around
at all the junk laid out on the ground.
Oh, the excitement! What might I find?
What treasures await? It boggles the mind!
It's usually worthless, but you just never know!
You might find an authentic Vinnie Van Gogh!
We've all heard the stories about some typical fool
who paid ten cents for some tacky, cosmetic jewel
then a week later, the same guy found out with a thrill
that it was Cleopatra's ring and it's worth twenty mil'!!!
Doesn't that make you just want to puke?
I mean, don't we deserve to have such a fluke?
It'll happen to me, though folks say it can't.
Someday, I'll score an original Rembrandt!
But so far, I've only bought stuff I don't need
like a mountain of books I can't find time to read,
old clothes that are already starting to fray
and old records that are too scratched to play.
I have tons of toys (though my kids aren't yet born.)
I've got a stuffed iguana and a bent flugal horn,
a velvet painting of Elvis that nobody can stand
and a baseball mitt that doesn't quite fit my hand.
I have a cymbal-banging monkey, an old tambourine,
a lava lamp, some hula dolls and MAD magazines,
a banged-up surfboard and a magic eight ball.
I've got enough stuff to start my own mall!
My den looks like the set of Sanford and Son.
I know I should stop but it's just too much fun!
Some people like neatness but I'd be in a funk
if I wasn't surrounded by cool, kitschy junk!
Searching through old boxes gives me such pleasure.
It makes me feel like a pirate searching for treasure!
It's prob'ly wishful thinking but I know that someday
I'll find something to sell for big bucks on ebay!
But half the joy of garage sales is passing the time
with old folks and children and neighbors of mine.
Just shooting the breeze like folks did in the past
is less common now that the world moves so fast.
I have no excuse. I guess I'm a hopeless case
but I run into garage sales all over the place!
My home's filled with junk. My family's in a huff.
I've got to have a sale to get rid of this stuff!!
Author notes
Written September 21st, 2004
In a list
A contest entry
- Make me laugh!!!!! by Rachal.
400 points, ended October 4, 2004, 5 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 20 of 20
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Oh and by the way! I'll have the flugal horn, because I know how to play it! Not that I'm trying to blow my own trumpet here BOOM BOOM!! Oh sorry, thats a drum.
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Beautiful!
There is something magic about sifting through boxes of junk. I recently took my kids to a fair, gave then $10 each and then watched them have a BALL! They came home with mountains of crap, but it was a total blast.
I feel totally rude offering any type of suggestion to you (but I'm hoping you'll return the favour with my poems) If it was me I think I'd rephrase this line:
like a mountain of books I can't find time to read
to
like a mountain of books I have no time to read
I just thought it flowed a little better.
Please send me a virtual slap across the back of the head if you think I'm stretching the friendship, me being a poetic newbie and all.
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Haha, this is great. I'm not much one for garage sales, but I think this describes my dad perfectly!
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My husband should have a garage sale to clear out stuff; I don't dare call it junk, but then that's why we never have a garage sale! They are fun to attend, except I'm always a little uncomfortable at estate sales. My psychic tenedencies kick in and make me feel like I'm trespassing. Especially when I see something someone has carefully mended and kept.
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Okay this really made me think of my own room, my basement, my garage, and the garage sale I've been planning to have for the last 3 years and just never get around to it.....I have a lot of junk.......
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You have a cymbol-playing monkey? God, some people have all the luck!!!!!!
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Hi Jackie,
I've never heard of Steptoe and Son but there was a sitcom in the U.S. in the 70's called Sanford and Son about a junk dealer and his son. Maybe one was a take-off on the other.
Glad you liked this one. Thanks!
Mark -
Down right witty... Shel Silverstein, eat your heart out.
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great
This was so much fun to read. Did you mean Steptoe and Son the english comerdy about the junk yard -
Hey OLG,
Thanks! I'll look forward to seeing that picture. I'm sorry to hear you're not feeling well. Get well soon!
Mark -
so fun so fun!!! And I'm just so sympathetic! I do, however, have the perfect picture to go with this. (NO, not the one of the rooms in my house no one can use!) It is a vintage New Yorker cover that I scanned just the other day. I'll send it along soon, knowing you will get such a hoot out of it.
Best of luck in the contest. You've made a sick girl guffaw at your poem and her reflection there. -
I love this! I have a cymbal banging monkey in my head( long personal joke...dotn need to explain)!!! I loved this it was so good. I love how you ended it..like it was a story..liek this poem had a meaning. Kool crazy, funny....I liked this! lol ive said that 5 times but ill say it again!! I LOVED THIS!! lol I love how you fit everything so well...GOOD LUCK IN MY CONTEST!..RAchal
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How about Flea Markets?!?
hehehe...'eccentric'...OK, I'll buy that...poets usually are...but a 'geek'??? Oh, no, my Friend!!! Not YOU!!! Never!!! But, Sweetheart, why didn't ya say something!!! I already had one garage sale...waiting to have another...& I have a PEZ dispenser or three...MAD??? Alfred, Baby!!! 
Hot Wheels? (I still think Mattel is the best toy company!!!) Yep!!! We had a Hot Wheels racetrack!!! A man after my own Heart, I tell ya!!! hehehe Been to a few garage sales...a few 'estate' sales...& other...what treasures you may find!!! I found a single diamond earring, a solid silver bracelet...& bought both for $1.50...I have a nose for the 'real deal'...& always find something worth savoring!!! Too cool, you are!!! 
Talk to you soon, Mark...be well, my Friend!!! 
Wanda
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Hey plinkyponk,
My parents are from Ireland so I've been to GB quite a few times. I remember seeing "boot sale" signs all over the place and wondering why there were so many boot sales in a country without cowboys. haha
Yes, I'm a bit eccentric, I think, and probably a bit of a geek. For instance, I collected old MAD magazines, PEZ dispensers, and Hot Wheel cars. I love the old toys from the 50's and before. The older the better. It seems that the older things are, the more charm they have - toys, houses, cars, even (and especially) people.
Thanks for reading this one. Glad it gave you a laugh or two!
Mark -
this is great it reads just like a conversation and yet it cleverly rhymes ...tres clever. i loved reading this its great and you know what? ...it makes me want to go to boot sales(thats what we call them in england where people sell their rubbish) and buy loads of stuff and collect things that nobody wants. bet you would make a fortune if you had a boot sale of your own.the velvet elvis picture sounds so kitsch! noone could make this stuff up you must definitely be surrounded by junk. have a clear out it feels great to be decluttered although things can make you feel safe and you can hide in them especially you with all your rubbish i can just imagine you makeing a hole init and living in it! happy hunting i wonder what else you will be buying!!!
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Oh geez, do you really have all those things in your house?! I place all the 'forever stored, never will be used again' stuff in the basement. I can clean up that place and keep on throwing things away, but I think they procriate, I'll never see that basement empty
I always laugh reading your humor, which is one of the best in this site
K&L,
Mari
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LOl this was wonderful I love how you told a story with this and it flowed so perfectly without a hinderance or stumble as I read through it. You crack me up with your view on things sometimes and this is one of those times. Wonderful write and I should hope you will do well in the contest or I will start a riot! good luck hun!
Lena
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Oh, I can definitely appreciate this poem, not because I am a yard sale junkie, but because my mom is. She just loves to go to any yard sale she sees, usually even if there doesnt appear to be anything worth looking at. And she always ends up buying something that I tell her she will never use(like the sewing machine she blew most of her money on), and takes it home and months later discovers it in a room full of old junk. Ah, good memories... Thanks! Your poems always make me reminisce, and it is so refreshing! They also have the added benefit of usually being quite funny!
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Yes
"My den looks like the set of Sanford and Son."
I just couldn't not laugh at that.
I am a little bit of a junk junky myself.
What an addiction. At least when you get it home and decide it is crud, it is not much of a loss, just more rubbish for the dumpster.
Nice,
Katarine
Edited on Sep 21, 1:05 p.m. because 'hit the wrong button'. -
OHHHHHHH......Mark......
YOU TOO?????
another garage\yard sale junkie?
My husband, daughter and I do this almost every Saturday. We live in southern Texas, so we can go to yard sales for 9-10 months of the year. We need to have a yard sale every year to get rid of the stuff we don't need anymore. We have a two car garage that we can't fit a single car in.....maybe a bike.
We just love doing this...for the same reason you do. We find such unique things from all over the world. We live in a military area so there are great finds. Many things from Mexico, too. Our house is filled with yard sale fix ups, and you would not know it. A very eclectic home.
My daughter collects dalmatians, and has over 500 of all kinds in her room. She has gotten most of them at yard sales.
I loved your poem. Clap clap....applause!!!!!!
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