The water's murky, tannin stained,
It's color grayish brown,
By plants, the cajun man explained
Through smoke enshrouded frown.
It's been dat way since I was born
Won' change before I die,
So none of you ha' need to mourn,
Or bid dis place goodbye.
It's filled wit' stories I could tell,
Wit' tales of gree' and sin.
Wit' people who will burn in hell
Because dat's where dey've been.
You see dat shack o'er yonder dere,
Da one dat has no door.
Well dat's where Belle du Charm once were
When she were Jobert's whore.
And he a gambler was, dey said,
A killer too, it seems.
For Belle, she turned up very dead
Da gators heard her screams.
And dos' same gators gat'ered dere
To watch da gory sight.
Wi'h sharpened knife he di' prepare
To slice her up dat night.
Da murky water den turned red
As Jobert's knife di' flail.
Da gators once more overfed
On his cut up female.
Da moonlight t'rough da Spanish moss
Again ha' seen da sight
And none will come to mourn da loss
Of one more soul tonight.
So dere's the tale of dat old shack,
It's haunted, so beware.
All dose women have now come back
To search for old Jobert.
Dey prowl da eerie swamp at night,
A ghost-like presence dere.
Da hunted killer shrinks in fright
He hides dere, so beware.
So dis I tell you, dis I say,
It ain’ no bayou lore.
You want to live anot'er day,
Don’ you be Jobert’s whore.
Author notes
Lots of stories in the bayou - this might be one of them. Was just there a couple weeks ago - took the picture from a boat. Interesting cabin grabbed my imagination and a ballad emerged.
It's kind of a #4 but at least a #12
Written September 20th, 2004
In a list
A contest entry
- Colloquialism and Dialect by dericlee.
500 points, ended March 22, 2005, 8 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 22 of 22
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A very different write from you. Very diverse and well written. Maybe Belle and my gator are in cahoots!
Congratulations on the well deserved Gold.
Jeannie
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What a fantastic job with this! I was raised in Louisiana.. so I'm familiar with the accents... you captured it well I must say.... the bayous... wow they are so wonderful but mosquitos will literally carry you away LOL... dem good ole cajun men... jus kant magin nethang likum...
awesome job on this!!!!! ~Melissa -
Ya know ya should'da included some french in ther to be a real cajun, mon aimee
This was great Paul. Really not what I was expecting, but I needed a good laugh. I can not believe you have a good flow with all that cajun talk
Martha -
You weave quite a story friend. Nice work... moves smooth and clean. Thanks for the heads up.
Do you have any spiritual poetry... IE christian...etc... ? also?
Take care,
Don -
This is an amazing piece... I love how the accent comes in to play with the poem... It really gives the reader the full effect... Also I loved this stanza "Dey prowl da eerie swamp at night,
A ghost-like presence dere.
Da hunted killer shrinks in fright
He hides dere, so beware." Very well written...Good Job... ~Jenn~ -
I love this poem. I am from LA so I guess it kinda hits home! Keep up the good work.
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Love the voice of narration the scent of bayou and the mysterious boding of life.
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Haunting, perhaps, but definately chilling. The way you wrote definately helped with imagining -someone- telling the story..
~J~ -
A good friend of mine lives in Louisiana, and I could picture him telling this story..it is great, and spooky, and kinda gross...I like it!
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wow, that was really good. you even took it upon yourself to get the dialect quite similar to your topic. it's a great story and the picture goes well with it.
---CHAx2 -
Excellent!
Wow! Loved the poem and the picture!
Very enjoyable read!
Thanks!
<3 Maureen
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oooh its creepy! I love it!!! I like the way you made it sound like a real cajun was talking. I have a thing for the bayou so this strikes me as very awsome.
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Stunning
This is a stunningly beautiful piece - not exactly what I was expecting when I clicked on it. Much better. I love the accent you've incorperated, I've seen it elsewhere, and I do enjoy it. Very nice touch. This poem has depth, flow, rhythm, point, beauty and organization - making this twice the poem it is. Congratulations to you, it's a beautiful piece! Keep up the excellent work, I hope to see some more from you. *Grins*
Cheers,
VK -
Great
Folk-lore is lovely to read when told in the native dialect. I enjoyed this gorey tale, Excellent
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Paul, this is absolutely stunning - I love the story you weave here, the dialect just adds volumes to it - I love pieces like this that tell a story and take on a personality of their own. I hope you do more of these!! Right up my alley, as you know! I am so glad to see you doing this, it seems to suit you quite well!
~ becky
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oooo - beware of sir Jobert. I's keepa my distance fu sha
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awesome story, I liked how you were talking in kind of a vernacular of that area. awesome awesome. I really enjoyed this. And you always have amazing pictures....great job, and good luck in tat der contest. or something. hehe.
~Liz -
oooh. very creepy, but with a lesson.
as ever, the flow and rhyme is perfect.
good luck to you in the contest.
~ lea -
wow. i really like this poem and I especially like the picture in the beginning. And the cajun accent in which the story is told is very realistic and grabs the reader's attention. I love it!
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Reminds me of a tale told around a campfire. I appreciate the way you stepped into the cajun mentality to write this. To me it is the mark of real artistry to be able to adopt other personas convincingly, which means you have to care about them. Quality work.
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Wonderful job - exceptional poem - one of the best I've read from you. I thoroughly enjoyed this bit of bayou lore - even if it was a bit bloody!!!
Moses -
ooo... very eerie... i like it!... again your rhyming and flow is flawless... great plot and amazing wordings... everything you write is just seamless... you amaze me Paul... ya really do... great write... good luck in the contest!!!!
Just Me...
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