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One Night (erotica)

 



You hunt; a ravened hunger in your eyes

 

That keeps me rapt in sacred fascination

 

As dewy lips indulge in fervent play

 

My soul responds with its own slow vibration

 


You’ve conquered me there is no inhibition

 

I triumph at my fall into  temptation

 

When you detach; and briefly step away

 

I writhe upon the bed in desperation

 


The agonizing absence of your touch

 

Is swallowed by your tongue’s sweet condensation

 

a banquet; fruitful eager thighs are spread

 

Devoured, I cry out in exaltation

 


I, Captivated by desire’s thrust

 

clasp your bold hips in blatant invitation

 

On knees I feast upon distended flesh

 

A slave to lust’s, moist sensual sensation

 


Engorged you plunge into my misty need

 

As we ride rapture seeking our salvation

 

Disgorged seed fuses as a shooting star

 

As we shout fire in the conflagration

 


Then falling to the pillows soft embrace

 

We gloried in loves lingering elation

 

and nine months later hold proof sanctified

 

there shared the splendor of a life’s creation

 



Patricia Gibson-Williams

Author notes

I would like to get some really honest critiques of this poem.  There are many things I’m unsure about (including the title) and I would love our input.  Thank you, ~ Patti ~
Written September 18th, 2004

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Comments

1 - 8 of 8
  • Agape Justin
    September 28, 2004
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    mmmh, the reason why you didn't get the comments you needed from the people you expected is because what people what to see in eroticas is passion and pleasure with no strings attached at the end, like responsibilities for the unborn child the conscequences of that night's pleasure. To most it can be a turn off.


  • flowerystone0
    September 22, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    It's very erotic.BIG WORDS TOO. GOOD WRITE

  • GLightAngel
    September 20, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    I would bet that u didnt get as many comments as u would have liked because of the dual nature of this poem.
    It is an excellent write and very sensual. It has a sort of "wrong" but "oh-so-good" feel to it at first, then the ending doesnt match. Its a great twist, but it may catch many off guard. I was thinking that I was reading about 2 lovers (not necessarily wed) and then I was like, "oh" at the end. I think it was a marvelous write, and a great twist. I am mearly suggesting that the ending may have left many too shocked to respond


  • AzureBlue gold member
    September 20, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Wow! Kind of ethereal and ephemeral, yet sometimes teethclenchingly gritty.
    For example, the line, 'On knees I feast upon distended flesh'. That's pretty darn gritty! Actually it is sort of gritty under cover...not in your face gritty, but if you really pay attention to the words gritty. I hope that made sense! Great job!

  • CountryDreamer
    September 20, 2004
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    This is very very nice. As ^ said, everything holds true. I love the word choices as there were some you don't hear everyday. It's a very sweet sentiment and a great piece! ~CD


  • quietly burning
    September 20, 2004
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    indeed yes .... very sweet ending love and eroticism should fold over into one. I was pleasently surprised too !

  • sweatingbullets
    September 20, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Wow...I loved this! Extremely erotic, and sensual, yet towards the end, perhaps the sweetest thing in the world
    I loved your phrasing...the rythm wasn't constant which threw me just a tad, but that's barely worth mentioning. Excellent word choices...sexy, sweet, great piece!


  • AngelSeeker silver member
    September 20, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    If you clicked on this from the featured items please comment. I would like to know why readers are not giving me any feedback in spite of so many looking. Thank you ~ Patti ~

1 - 8 of 8