A crawling, mewling conglomeration
of breasts and legs and wings and thighs
born from unhallowed augmentation
without feathers, beaks, or even eyes!
It is perhaps one part rooster,
but to call it "chicken" is calumny...
with two parts hubris, two parts booster,
and six parts ancient alchemy.
Its veins pumped full of saline water,
it feeds upon its fellows, ground.
It knows full well its fate is slaughter
and to the bucket it is bound.
O, piteous and wretched beast!
O, fearsome and unholy sight!
Ask yourself this, in the least...
did we do this chicken right?
Author notes
This piece was inspired by one of many urban legends surrounding the re-branding of "Kentucky Fried Chicken" to "KFC"... apparently, some people found it plausible that the FDA would allow the use of bizarre genetically engineered organisms composed of tubes of fleshy, chicken-part-shaped segments, as long as they took the word "Chicken" out of the restaurant name. But the restaurant was still allowed to call it "chicken" on their menus and when advertising their food!
Just goes to show that the will to believe is stronger than the inclination to think. 
For more information on a version of this legend check out this urban legends reference:
www.snopes.com/horrors/food/kfc.htm
Written September 18th, 2004
A contest entry
- Chicken Humor (Contest) by Mari Goes.
300 points, ended September 20, 2004, 7 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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This is such an intelligently written piece. Your vocabulary usage was astounding to say the least. I am extremely impressed with this. It is amazing what you can learn from reading posts on this site. It seriously influences my decision to decline the next time the guys at work suggest KFC for lunch.
~ John
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I remember the rat one (or at least A rat one) The one I remember was from pre-internet days--now I'm feeling old. Thanks.
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Thanks. The legend is a "21st century" update of the old one that somebody found a rat in a bucket, which after the re-branding was expanded to say that somehow this rat incident legally barred them from using the word "chicken."
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Never heard that urban legend but it was interesting. The poem was well written and entertaining and a nice twist using the "did we do this chicken right." Once again, very inventive.
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lol, i remember that rumor! this made me laugh (and hold my sensitive wittle tummy in horror)
~o.e.~
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Ah! It appears your less confrontational philosophy bears fruit... common ground is reached at last!
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I am aware of this legend, and the PETA flyer on the internet. I am inclined to believe that your poem should be posted for all those who have not heard of it. This is too funny! Very informative as well. I love the language usage, and the way you made me mortified to eat another piece of chicken unless I see them wring the head of the bird off myself like I did on my grandmother's farm as a child. I never cared for KFC chicken, but the old McDonald's nuggets, as you state in your comment were the best! Very funny and a bit of sattire for us all!
Good luck in the contest.
Renee
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Yeah, I know what you mean. I personally can't stand the "improved" all white meat McNuggets that McDonalds serves now. I hope they bring back the old ones on a "Classic" menu. I miss my processed meat melange!
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KFC chunky pot pie! Yum!
You are absolutely hilarious. The poem made me laugh (especially the Shakespearean bit at the end), your comment scared me (the mystery meat KFC is selling - aaaahhh!), and your response above made me laugh even more. Did you know the head of PETA actually compared the slaughter of millions of chickens to the slaughter of people during the Holocaust? He said there's "no difference". What a nut. I think I'll get an extra large bucket at KFC tomorrow, too. All this KFC talk is making me hungry. Then again, ever since the Colonel went tits up, it hasn't quite been the same. The idiots must have lost his recipe. I mean, haven't they ever heard, "If it works, don't change it"? Sheesh.
Mark
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Well, that's one way in which we differ... I read the PETA "Kentucky Fried Cruelty" flyer and it made me so hungry I had to run out and buy a Colonel's Chunky Pot Pie.
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Terrific. :))
LOL! What a great humorous poem about the urban legend. I love the multiple syllable rhymes and bouncy rythm you use. I used to work a small chicken farm in the summers when i was a boy and could barely stand to look at eggs on a plate anyway -- now you;ve turned me into a total vegan.
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omg you have a twisted mind lol I guess that why were friends good poem star.
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I love that legend It's just so damn plausible! Heh!
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Good to know taht I still can find nice healthy chickens here, they live free of cages and eat only organic stuff. I buy my kips (Dutch for chickens) at Breasts and Thighs, yes that is name of the place were they sell chickens lol
Thanks for your entry and success in the contest!
Hugs,
Mari
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