Good King Restiny was a man of great renown.
His gifts of love and selfless acts knew no true bound.
Among men and elves he was the most loved around.
His heart was pure
His wisdom sure
His ways secure
Restiny
Mighty king and lord
Valiant with the sword
Cherished and adored
Restiny
He believed that valor was doing what was right
And great power did not come best by fear nor might.
Virtue and love made his very spirit ignite.
Valor of the elves
Is love beyond ourselves
That reaches another
Like he were a brother.
Love and virtue,
Noble and true,
Always abide
In these your guide.
The king knew the elfin songs since he was a boy.
The friendship and teachings of the elves were his joy,
Wisdom which such good and prosperous kings employ.
Riches are never found in gold
True wealth is neither bought nor sold
Charity yields a hundred fold
True friends remain when you are old.
Value what you know to be true
Never let the darkness subdue
Let virtue be what you pursue
And your love will always renew.
King Restiny's pride and joy was his first born son.
The king loved, cherished and adored his little one.
For his son there was nothing he would not have done.
My heart is calling
Tears are falling
For my son
My One
Love
Learn from me
What should be
What is true
Virtue
Do
When his beloved young son become severely ill,
He sought healing with every ounce of his will
By every medicine and every spell.
My first son is dying.
My spirit is crying.
My heart is kneeling.
Where do I find healing
For my beloved young one,
For my precious first son?
Within the healing pond
Of elfin king Elmond
In the land of Restore
Upon the eastern shore
Healing is found for men and elves
If their love is beyond themselves.
Restiny began the treacherous journey east
Not fearing goblin, troll, wizard, nor dragon beast
Firm home drove him onward. He could never be ceased.
Driven to find the healing pond
Of gracious elfin king Elmond
Restiny pressed ever onward
For his first son to be restored.
Though goblins pieced with poisoned darts
Penetrating Restiny's heart,
He would not be stopped in his quest
Nor would he stop to take a rest.
Hysteric Restiny reached the clear eastern shore
And the healing pond among the Pools of Restore
With the lifeless form of his son in his embrace
Still determined to find healing mystical grace.
Our pond has the power to mend
Even when life is near the end,
But it cannot ever transcend
Death for it is the final end.
My son, my son, my son,
My most beloved first one,
Your life had just begun,
Oh precious little one!
It was there that King Restiny was driven mad
Because of the intense passionate love he had
For his first born son who had died along the way.
King Restiny's poisoned heart swore the elves would pay.
His heart was impure
His wisdom unsure
His ways insecure
Restiny
Mighty king and lord
Valiant with the sword
Feared and abhorred
Restiny
Author notes
I'm happy with the story, but I think the rhyme and flow needs help. Any suggestions would be appreciated. I'm really NOT happy with this yet.
I'm especially not happy with the following lines:
He was loved greatly by both men and elves all around.
now changed to
He was loved greatly by both men and elves all around.
And power did not come best by fear nor by might.
Virtue and love where in what he took great delight.
now changed to
And great power did not come best by fear nor might.
Virtue and love made his very spirit ignite.
Nor would he even pause to rest.
now changed to
Nor would he stop to take a rest.
And the healing pond among the Pools of Restore
Still determined to find healing mystical grace.
And any other's you see. 
Written September 17th, 2004
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Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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Thank you for taking the time to read and comment on such a long poem. I'd welcome any suggested adjustments.
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Thank you for taking the time to read and comment on such a long poem. I'm glad you liked the story.
This is a series of Fantasy poems I'm writing. I have 5 written and a posted so far. The are in the list "My Fantasy World." -
Thank you for taking the time to read and comment on such a long poem. I'm glad you liked it.
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Thank you for taking the time to read and comment on such a long poem. I appreciate the suggestions. I hope you will come back when it's not so late and when you have time. I really would appreciate suggestions. Even if I don't use them all, it will help me see things another way and give me ideas to adjust the poem.
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Thank you for taking the time to read and comment on such a long poem. I appreciate the suggestions. I think the flow and rhyme needs work.
This is a series of Fantasy poems I'm writing. I have 5 written and a posted so far. The are in the list "My Fantasy World."
Yes, Restiny is a character of my creation. -
Perhaps: "He was the most beloved man around" or something of that sort...Anyway, I liked it...it's an epic poem, beautiful language, if not it needs but a few adjustments. Nice job
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How about "he was loved greatly, both by men and elves, around". Not sure if that's any better. lol. I don't normally write rhyme so it's hard for me to say. I can see where the meter is off, but I'm horrible about making suggestions on fixing it. And maybe how about leaving the "King" off of "King Restiny's poisoned heart swore the elves would pay" It just takes off a beat and matches the line above.
I really loved this story. I saw the title and thought, now who is Restiny? lol. Is this a character all of your own creation? If so, it's absolutely wonderful. I'll definitely have to bookmark this and read it to my kids. They'd get a kick out of it. -
You know, honestly, I was captivated by this storyline...I loved how you made him a good king, yet in the end, cause of his only son dying, he swore vengence and cast aside his goodly gear, lol. You've captured a turning point in a great man's life, the slow steady slide to the 'dark side', lol, and showed how any soul can be tainted when they've lost someone they love. Again, I thought it was great just the way it was. Great job!
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I would agree that the flow needs adjustment, but you know that. It's quite late as I read this so I don't think I'd be a reliable help right now. But I'd also look at this line...
With firm hope that his son's illness would be released.
It seems a little awkward to think of an illness "released". Another word would work better though it may make you adjust your rhyme yet more.
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