Couldn't Help But Notice....
I am sorry, I couldn't help but notice...
That you are beautiful...
That you walk like a ballerina on water
In her wildest dreams
You make still life look like fast forwards
You make highlights look like old news
You make magic feel real...
And reality feel magic
That you tear apart the seam of social fabric before
People see that the embroidered things aren't always as they...
Seem
You make God look like a priest
And mere men look like mice
You make sacrifices look like gifts
And pain feel like smiles
You are not Gods gift to mankind...
You are mankinds offering to God
You make perfect look like it needs...
Just a little more practice
You are brilliant......like light
You are somber.....like night
And you are humbled
So I am sorry.....
But I could not help but notice...
Everything you don't
Author notes
For the one that made me notice
Written September 16th, 2004
In a list
A contest entry
- Make me weak in the knees by E.m.d.
300 points, ended April 10, 2006, 27 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Trophies for Table Mountain(s)... by Nicolette.
700 points, ended February 3, 2007, 8 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Give Me Your Best Poem by AshtrayBaby.
2100 points, ended August 22, 2007, 37 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Love Poems. by OurxBeginning.
300 points, ended February 12, 2008, 49 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 59 of 59
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I really enjoyed this. So very creative, and the ending was cute, and it made me smile. A simple write but certainly powerful.
Thank you for entering and good luck.
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Wow. Wow. Pipmeister! The imagery in this poem was absolutely beautiful, and the flow was perfect. It was a lovely poem and the love it was written with was touching.
Write on.
~*~SP~*~
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This was penned for my eldest daughter when she was but a bud of the bloom she was in the midst of becoming. She truly is a beautiful lady.
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Aww. This is great. It's very beautiful. And the equally beautiful picture just adds to the gentleness and warmth of this poem.
Great job and good luck!
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Thank you for the kind and wonderful comment. It is vvery appreciated.
Blessed be,
Billie Jean
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And one can’t help but notice the soft-spoken voice and the gentle longing in this poem...like watching someone you admire from a distance, yet still unable to touch... Such a beautiful, poem this is...real, yet filled with the magic of love...and love is both magic and reality. I can very much associate with this poem, my friend...so often we see the beauty and try to convince someone of how we see them; yet they can’t. Somehow your poem reminds me of one of my favourite quotes: “To be able to see beauty, you have to carry the beautiful in you...”. This poem does indeed carry the beautiful, as well as a gentle sadness...and yes, I noticed it too. Thank you so much for this lovely and very moving entry.
~ Nicolette
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Thank you so much granny. May your week be blessed.
Blessed be
~~Serenity~~
Billie Jean -
Thank you so much Amber for the wonderful words. This is one I am particularly fond of. I am so happy you enjoyed it. Ever I dissapoint you, will be a sad day for me indeed.
Blessed be
~~Serenity~~
Billie Jean -
Wonderful silver trophy winning poem you have penned here. Congratulations.
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This is absolutely beautiful, as are you..thank you for always writing such amazing poetry for all of us to read. I look forward to the next!
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Helen,
Thank you for the kind words on this write. It is hard at times to find ways to let someone know what they mean to you without being "cliche'". I hope I succeeded here. Thank you again for tthe wonderful comment.
Blessed be
~~Serenity~~
Billie Jean -
A beautiful entry.Sometimes others touch our lives in good ways.They open us up to beauty.Those are to be cherished.thank you for entering and good luck Helen
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There are times when my muse is generous. This was one of them. Thank you for the kind and wonderful words.
Blessed be
~~Serenity~~
Billie Jean -
OMG this read is amazing.
It is hard to pick out a few lines which io liked unless i copied the entire poem in here. You have written someting which is so heartfelt and emotion drawing a true tribute to 'the person who made you notice'
One line in particular i did love is the ending line.
And you are humbled
So I am sorry.....
But I could not help but notice...
Everything you don't
Amazing!!!
I noticed that this is form poetry (i think) what are the rules to write a piece like this? If this isnt a form poem and you have created by yourself then i tip my pen to you
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Thanks for the kind comment. It was a dream, turned reality. Thanks again.
Blessed be
~~Serenity~~
Billie Jean -
Yup. This is love. Congratulations on find it and if this is just your dream, at least you know what you're looking for. Best of luck in the contest!
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April if people saw in them what I see in them, we would have a lot of very proud people. There is a saying by Kipling that hangs outside my house, "Every day try to see the best in every one", that is exactly what I do. Well, till they prove me wrong. LOL. Thanks for such a caring and sweet comment hun. Beautiful words from a beautiful soul.
Blessed be
~~Serenity~~
Billie Jean -
Do you ever wish that the people we hold close to our hearts could see inside and feel the love we hold for them? That they would be able to understand what is in our hearts for them? Peoples lives would be much smoother if that were the case and we would never have those awkward pauses and looks! You really do have a heart of gold, so pure and sweet.
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Thank you so much for the great comment. It is easy to write when inspired. LOL. I was inspired by several people then. Thank you again and may your day hold magick.
Blessed be
~~Serenity~~
Billie Jean -
Beautiful poem! I really enjoyed this. A line that particularly struck me was 'That you walk like a ballerina on water' - a lovely image. Extremely well written and well done!
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Thank you for the kind and glowing comment. I am glad you enjoyed it. I do consider it to be one of my best. Thank you again and may your day hold magick.
Blessed be
~~Serenity~~
Billie Jean -
Oh wow this just made me say "aww". It was SO beautiful! I loved it! I love the part:
"You are brilliant......like light
You are somber.....like night"
Wow, amazing job, and good luck!
-Principessa -
So many thanks for the kind words. It is greatly appreciated.
Blessed be
~~Serenity~~
Billie Jean -
::bows to the knight::
Thank you kindly for such a sweet token.
Blessed be
~~Serenity~~
Billie Jean
Edited on Jun 02, 8:43 because ''. -
this is very beautiful well written i really liked it
<3
-eric -
A beautiful write, great flow and imagary good luck in the contest
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Thank you so much. I appreciate the kind words. Best of luck to you as well.
Blessed be
~~Serenity~~
Billie Jean -
this was beautifully written. great job. good luck in the contest.
peace and love
<3
-ashley -
Truly not int4ended to be sad, but I see how itcould be considered sad. Thank you so much for the kind comment
Blessed be
~~Serenity~~
Billie Jean -
awww... i thought this was sad! awesome job though! wonderful poem! keep up the good work and write on!
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Sam....
This was the effect of too much love for one person, and not enough sleep. Thank you so much. I was pleased that it won before.....wish I could recapture the magic of this write in duplicate. Thanks again...
Blessed be
~~Serenity~~
Billie Jean -
This is truly a beautiful write. I am glad that it has won you gold in a prior contest. IT is stunningly lovely.
Thank you for sharing and entering it in my contest.
SAm
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this is very pretty miss serenity
a nice lament of love
i see alot of "love" poems on this site
but rarely do i "feel" the love in them
that they seem more like rantings
you paint a beautiufl picure with words
this is what poetry is all about
to make love to a subjetct with words
to do it simply and blindly
that poetry
is ultimately
the unconditionality of the heart
very nice
cheers -
This poem is great, just like everyone else said. It really makes me want to get to know this person you're talking about. I love how it's rich in wonderful imagery. When I first read it, a thought came to mind:"Angels still roam on the face of the earth". It's amazing how you gave it that special, almost supernatural feel. good luck in my contest.
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wow.. beautifully worded and written, everything flows seamlessly from one thing to the next.. love the background too lol. a very original take on the description of beauty.. stunning.
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oo yeah this one is total beauty ..... one of the very best in any contest. so humble, so respectful, and so permeating. absolutely gorgeous SNC
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Beautiful - one of my favorites in this contest so far!
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Congratulations on your Gold, Serenity! Beautiful poem, well done!
~ G
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Very nicely done! Congratulations!
Maureen
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chills again dear poet. incredible.
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Extremely well written, and fun to read. Sadly due to the nature of this contest I thought the winning three to be more fitting. Thank you for your entry
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i loved the comparrisons you have in this piece which conjours up some great imagary great write
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Jude....you amaze me.To take the time to spill your heart to me and also to leave such kind and beautiful comments on my works.I am extremely greatful.You touched my heart with such things you say.
Look inside your heart.Close your eyes and envision the feelings and the words will come to you friend.I will pay a visit to your page soon.Till then thank you again ever so much for the time you take to read and comment and for the encouragement you offer.
Blessed be
~~Serenity~~
Billie Jean -
*in awe*
you are a wonderful, incredibly talented writer and poet... maybe I've had too many mixed experiences, because I identify with so many things you and others write... but I strongly identify with this, because this is how I see one particular person in mind. This conveys so much love, so much respect... I show these things, but I'm afraid of showing too much... and when I most often want to express it most, it doesn't come out correctly. If I were to say just the right words, the best thing I could possibly say, magnificently spoken in every way, this is how I would want to say it, this is how I would want it to be heard. my god, you amaze me more and more with each poem you post... -
This poem is stunning! So beautifully written! Your heart just jumps right off the page. This is one I'm sure I will come back and read again & again. Wonderful job!
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WOW!!! This is beautiful!
I wish someone would write this about me 
I can feel the adoration, and the emotions of love flowing through the piece. I am blown away. Thank you for sharing it with us. Luv Niky xx
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Thanks. I am pretty good aren't I. I try not to brag too much though. It is in my nature to be humble lol good poem, very nice.
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sis....you honor me with such kind words.I adore you and your comments always.They warm my soul.Thanks again hun and as always blessed be
~~Serenity~~
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Billy dear friend....thank you ever so much for the kind comment.I always love hearing from you.I am glad that you liked the write.I am also sure that you know of my inspiration.Thank you again friend and blessed be
~~Serenity~~
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Cookie....thank you kindly for the critical comment.Its appreciated.I was thinking of making some amendments.I wrote it when still quite tired so need to make some changes.Thank you again for the suggestions and blessed be
~~Serenity~~
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Kat....thank you for the abundantly kind comment.It is very appreciated.Blessed be
~~Serenity~~
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black lace thank you so much for the kind comment and for the applause.Very appreciated.
Blessed be
~~Serenity~~
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this was a very exact pull from your heart... and things never escape you - i do out of all of this amazing poem have a favourite part:
You are not Gods gift to mankind...
You are mankinds offering to God
You make perfect look like it needs...
Just a little more practice.
those four lines are the best i've read in a long time
bravo
billy
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What more can I say that's not been said? You write with the beauty that comes from within that big heart of yours. Jacki
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"You make God look like a priest...
...You are not Gods gift to mankind
You are mankinds offering to God"
This was so...
It was...
Hm.
One of the best I've read in a long while. -
Superb in form and idea! I'm very impressed!
A critical review is invited
Only thing I would do differently is leave out some
of the pronominal phrases " You make,,,etc." Perhaps leave
the next line without it, using it randomly or at the beginning of the largest stanza; eg;
You make God look like a priest
You make mere men look like mice
sacrifices look like gifts
pain feel like smiles
You are not Gods gift to mankind...
You are mankinds offering to God
You make perfect look like it needs...
Just a little more practice.
Other than that, it's fantastic. Let me feature it for you on the Showboard.
Warmly, CookieZeal
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oh wow. this is just beautiful...its riddled with talent. and it's so sweet. good luck in the contest, though i doubt you need it.
~kat ...meow... -
Sweeeeeet, I couldn't help but notice that this is a sweet write, I will let the applaud say the rest.
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Beautiful
Hi,
This was absolutely a work of art my friend. This flowed like fine wine, and the descriptions were just amazing. You pay great tribute here to that person, and your words are beautiful. This should be inscribed in gold for all to see and treasure. Thank you for sharing this with me.
--Johnny
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