My heart has been damaged since I was five
I'm told that its a miracle the fact that I'm alive.
Nine long months in a hospital scared and all alone
confined to a bed, on my back I lay prone.
When other kids got ready for their first day of school
I was stuck in a wheelchair the kids teased like a silly fool.
My childhood was restricted, never any active play
you'd never find me running on a sunny day.
I'd watch my friends dashing running to and fro
the excitement of the game was something I'd never know.
Then I grew into a woman and wanted a family
the Doctors told me NO, childbearing would kill me.
I chose not to listen, children I so desperately wanted to love
I was blessed with three healthy children sent from up above.
I had my three children and death came knocking again upon my door
Leaving me more broken than I ever was before.
Two more months in a hospital, my children without their mom
my entire existence shattered like a bomb.
Again death spared me and left me here on Earth
To be mother to my children was my only worth.
This last illness hadn't killed me but finished off my heart
leaving me more ill than I was at its start.
Open heart surgery was the only cure
again into the hospital, dying once more.
Illness after illness forever plaguing me
I accept the inevitable, its my destiny.
Fifteen years later the repair lost its hold
My heart is made of tissue not silver nor of gold.
This time they put in a ticker, I tick like a clock
If you listen carefully, I beat tic -toc, tic - toc
I sound like a time bomb, waiting to explode
it beats louder each time the blood has flowed.
My illness has made me old way before my time
my physical limitations, to my mind are a crime.
I'd climb the highest mountain
and swim the deepest sea
If I had the health to be what I could be.
Author notes
THIS IS CHOICE #14
14) have you ever had a sickness that lasted more than a week? tell me about
Inspite of all the illness and frustration of my body's limitations I consider myself very blessed. I have my children, who are now all grown. Though it was a struggle I did raise. Many others have had it worse than me, they never got out of the wheelchair that I was confined to. I have many limitations but they could have been far worse. For this I thank the Lord.
Written September 15th, 2004
In a list
A contest entry
- many choices by Elvenfairy.
300 points, ended September 21, 2004, 17 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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This is a very warm and heartfelt poem. You did a wonderful job of putting your feelings and indeed your very life into words. Like you, I know how it feels to sometimes feel like you are a burden to your family. Just know that they love you deeply. It is so wonderufl to be able to express ourselves in words. Just think about it, you have no limitations there, no problems with endurance. Your words can be anything that you want them to be!! I am sorry that you have had such a rough time through life but I admire your spirit and am very glad to see that you know how to concentrate on the positive and not give in to the depression that so often tries to take over our minds. Wonderful job here! God Bless, Penny
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Lovely content... the struggles of a loving mother are amazing. I really relate, not so much to the mother point of view but to the children's... I watched my mother fall to cancer only 2 years ago (God bless her soul)... but her struggles to stay alive were amazing... after 3 days in acoma she came out and told us an angel had visited her and the angel took her into space and pointed at the earth, which was covered in filth, and said "do you really want to be in that?" and my mother replied "yes" and the angel aked "why?" and my mother said, "My children are there." Reading about another mother's struggle really plays with the strings of my heart, and amazing poem, amazing poem.
--Ben -
Well, you are aware of the thorns in my side, dear one; so, there's no need to repeat them here. I do know, however, that we all are born dying; yet, we will not leave this plane one second before God says it's time. Like you, I was told I should never get pregnant. I had six pregnancies, 4 live births: followed by a lot of surgeries. LOL! I would not exchange good health for my children.
I remember once, after flushing all the doctor's meds down the commode, raising my arms to the Lord and saying, "Well, here I am, Lord. I'm either going to die or I'm going to live. In the meantime, I'm going to go on and do what I must do." That was 29 years ago.
I'm reminded of a scripture: "Whatsoever a man thinketh, so it is." There is more power in what we think than most people even realize. We can think well or we can think ill: I choose the former by resting on another passage: "I can do ALL things through the Lord who strengthens me."
While I do have those thorns and so identify with Paul, thus I rejoice knowing I move ever forward... as long as I keep moving. Besides, I'll not leave one second before God is ready. LOL! So, why not be the best I can be while I'm here. AMEN!
This piece is well written, flows and rhymes well; albeit, the meter is helter-skelter. Bring the meter in line and it will intensive the power of this poem.
Love and hugs, BonnieQ
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This was a very well written poem. Life can be so difficult sometimes. Reminds me of that new country song called Some Beach. We just need to get away to Some Beach (or say, Some Beach)
Your rhyme and flow is done nicely here, and I like the story quality of this poem.
Nicely done.
Cheryl
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wow, sounds like your life has been a big bummer. My cousin had a tumor and he is now seriously brain dammaged and can't walk or see. People have to do most evrything for him, bathe him, dress him, help him go when he needs to. I think taht both situations are hard. You never got to play and my cousin use to be able to play and now he is robed both of teh ability and the memories of running, all he can remember is taht it was fun. It tears at his heart. He is 22 and I think taht if he can ever get amrried and have children he will be a great Dad as you are a great mom. I like how you didn't let doctors keep you from enjoying life. I have a friend and she has Torrets syndrome and in her old school evryone gave her A's when she hardly did any work. They treated her like spun glass because her dotcor told them to. But in the school taht we go to she is greeted with the same expectations as anyone else. Anyways, what I am getting to is taht you can do most anything if you can find a loop hole in the system
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a masterpiece
You are so amazing. You don't let what other people say stop you from making your life complete. You have such determination. You have such a big heart and a precious soul. God has blessed you with the courage and determination to live everyday at it's fullest. You are such a strong woman. This poem is marvelous. It saddens me that I've never known this about someone I've come to know and love. Bless you for the kind words you give!
~KP~
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I have always had my faith, it never weakened and I never questioned it. I learned we should not question the whys just try to accept what our fate is and make the best of it. It is not easy but having full faith that the Lord loves me and has me in His best interest has helped me cope. Thanks for your comment and interest in my work.
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I am glad that I was able to make it all come together. I tried to make it short and to the point, which was quite hard. I appreciate you taking the time to read and comment on it. I try to be optimistic but I get depressed alot. That is part of the heart condition and the medications I must take cause depression, so its a double edged sword. If you dwell on the darker side of things you can not survive. I always concentrate on what I've been blessed with instead of what I lack. As long as my children are healthy and happy I can handle anything. The Lord is said to give us each a cross heavy enough for us to bear and no more. I trust in His judgement and ask for strength when I faulter. Thats how I've survived, it works. Thanks so much again.
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As you know from experiencing an ongoing illness with your own mother that it is very hard for the children as well as the parent. I have in a way been a burden to my family forever. I put myself back in my parent's place when they almost lost me and think of how I would have dealt with it if had been one of my sons. My mind doesn't let me even venture down the road. Sometimes the illness is harder on the family members than it is on the patient. We were blessed though, and still are. My sons are strong people able to handle more than most. They have learned patience, understanding and compassion. It was a challenge to write that, I don't like to talk about my illness, it is something that is not my doing but none the less I feel the failure for being unable to achieve all that my mind hoped to. Sorry for the venting, thanks for reading and sharing and commenting. Again it means so very much to me.
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A BEAUTIFUL POEM
Such a wonderful heartfelt poem. I can tell your faith helped you through your hardships all through your life. You seem to be optimistic dispite your stuggles. It shines through in your words. Take care, Sandy -
this is absolutely heartrendering. It makes me think of so many things and is just so inspirational . Just remember how strong you are and the love that surrounds you with your family. I want to commend you on the brilliance of the rhythm too. Exquisite work. Take Care. , Olivia
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I really like this poem. I have never actually been ill for such a long period of time, but my mother had, and I know it is the scariest thing in the world to think of her in such pain for so long. And it seems that these experiences bring people closer, or break them completely. Bless you for being such a happy and hopeful person.
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