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Paint My Picture

 






Paint my picture

 

on eternal stone

 

hardened by passion’s fire

 


Blaze in red

 

the burning heat

 

the flames of vast desire

 


Spread vibrant colors

 

Orange and gold

 

Blend them with delight

 


Lacquer them forever

 

Like silver stars

 

That conquer night

 


Place it in the Louvre

 

On the wall

 

So all may see

 


The timeless love

That’s echoed there

 

The heart; that beats in me.

 




Patricia Gibson-Williams

Author notes

Inspired by “Paint my picture” by NurseChilly
allpoetry.com/poem/803767



3.) choice number

I've got a loverly bunch of coconuts!"


Written September 13th, 2004

In a list

A contest entry

What did you think

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments

1 - 19 of 19

  • g r e y i s m
    September 17, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    this is so very nicely done. ah, the Louvre lol. reminds me of art history class tehe.
    but yes, a lovely poem. I enjoyed it.
    ~ Lea


  • September 17, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    i like this piece of poetry. it was very descriptive and sent off a ton of powerful words in it. congratulations on a job well done and keep up the good writing. good luck on other pieces of poetry that you might write in the near future.


  • Dynamite13
    September 17, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    I like it. It's not the relationship itself that the narrator wants to last, just the love itself, as a beautiful thing that should be frozen in time. Don't we all want that sometimes? Interesting point of view.

    Elle

  • Nicole Hanna
    September 16, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Now I've got that coconut song from Lion King stuck in my head. lol. This was beautiful. I thoroughly enjoyed the form and the rhyme which was exceptionally well thought out. I've read several of Nurse Chilly's poems and I think this does her a great service as I thought this was simply very well done. Good luck in the contest.


  • AngelSeeker silver member
    September 16, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Thank you for the comment... I changed the font. ~ Patti ~


  • AngelSeeker silver member
    September 16, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Thank you so much for picking that up, I added “in” to the line. I hate when I reread something 15 times and miss a typo, because I know what I meant to type. But that is the kind of thing that I hope a reader will pick up and tell me about. I also made the font smaller; I really didn’t mean to make it that big, but after I posted it the first time it looked so small, that I changed it in a hurry and didn’t think about how it would effect the reader. ~ Patti ~

  • AngelSeeker silver member
    September 16, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Thank you for letting me know about the font... I changed it.


  • pulsating
    September 15, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    i just want to say not many poems touch me these days. This is really beautiful. I think its one of the most gorgeous things i have read in a while actually. Stunning. , Olivia


  • Almighty Aphrodite gold member
    September 15, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    I think this is wonderfully done, with a rich flair that only a true artist could appreciate. The juxtapositions of words such as "lacquer" and "Louvre" make this not only a visual, but a literary masterpiece as well. I agree with some of the others that the font can be distracting, as much as I love it, lol... and there is only one "critical" thing I have to say about this poem...in the line "Place it the Louvre", did you mean to add in somewhere in the sentence? Otherwise than that, this is great!

    Wishing you all the best of luck in the contest...

    Many blessings,

    Raven Aurora


  • suzy.
    September 15, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    the large font just pulls it all together... sometimes big things are good lol... great write!

  • el desdichado
    September 15, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Nice...and yes, I agree with Deja Vu...the font is REALLY big...and also, just TOO big, I think...it's rather distracting, at least to me. But the content of the poem is still quite good. I like the words "vibrant", "lacquer" and "conquer", and the phrase "the flames of vast desire"...I also like the mention of the Louvre. Overall, nicely done! ~EL d


  • Deja Vu
    September 15, 2004
    Edit | Reply

    pretty

    This is pretty You indeed, paint a pretty picture for all of us to read... (your font is REALLY big, I might add)

    Favorite lines:
    Lacquer them forever
    Like silver stars
    that conquer night

  • Blood Talon
    September 14, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    It's really a love poem and all, but the way you wrote it soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo worked for me. ^____________^ It makes me so happy!!! Oh, and dun think that I made all those 'o's and that huge smiley to take up space. This poem just makes me really, really, REALLY happy. It's so cool. cries This makes me so giddy inside!!! This poem is sooo going on my bookmarks list. ^o^ It's left me speechless.

  • Azire the Raven
    September 14, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    I just can't get over your wonderful writing style.

  • Azire the Raven
    September 14, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    I love your choice of wording. It is deep and touching. I like your style. Very personal.

  • TragicFlaw
    September 14, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    This write was amazing... and yes this fits wonderfully. You gave me what i wanted, depth, emotion, and it wasn't a typical here i am, this is me type of poem (if you know what i mean) you made me feel... great job, thank you for entering, and good luck.
    much love
    God Bless

    Amber


  • NurseChilly gold member
    September 14, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Wow.. I didn't realise I was such an inspiration.. thankyou.. this is so lovely.. what can I say
    Thankyou
    ~GILL~xxxxx


  • September 14, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    this is so pretty.
    its simple, its sweet and it says just what it has to say.
    very nice.


  • elisabeth0129
    September 14, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Wow! This was really great. Your words were just beautiful and flowed amazingly. Great job! Very unique and just all around really good. Best of luck in the contest! Thanks for sharing.

    dream BIG,
    Elisabeth

1 - 19 of 19