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Stepping Out

Beep you say
Ding ding
Must be boring
Then I step out with
another ding
Don't you wish
for something else?
Ever?

Author notes

I wrote this while in an elevator. I was bored. I'm not sure how good it is though.
Written September 13th, 2004

What did you think

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments

  • akid100
    September 14, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Yeah, it's a bit of a weird poem. I'm not even sure I know what i meant by it. but i definitely have to get into the practice of revising my poems, cuz they certainly aren't perfect right when i write them!


  • J Rhys Davies
    September 13, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Actually, if you were to really get more into all of the aspects of an elevator and what happens when you are on it, like the plunging as it goes down, the jarring, and so on, you could really have something here. It’s OK s is, but it just feels like it is lacking more depth.