It is known within elfin lore
Long ago before the great war
The birth of evil men and kings.
In the days before men were found,
Wisdom and virtue were renowned
Peace and harmony ruled the day.
Men were birthed from the blackened soil
Endowed with strength for work and toil
To better the land and the sea.
Men built noble architecture,
Stone, glass, and metallic structures
Surrounded by floral gardens,
Scarlet and violet flowers,
Accenting gold and white towers,
Encircled by pools of green and blue,
Falls descended like crystal tears,
Into serene, silent, still meres
From bronzed sculptured quiet faces.
Growing pride in charm and splendor
Men's hearts began to surrender
To darkened prideful evil ways.
From the nymphs craftsmen learned to forge
Long spears, heavy chains and sharp swords,
Enchanted, mystic weaponry.
Elves deemed valor was doing right.
Men moved to see valor as might.
The divorce between men and elves.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The hearts of men were moved no more
By the poems of elfin lore
Nor the tales of virtuous values.
Men forsook to their own dismay
The wisdom of the elfin way
Further dividing men and elves.
Elfin songs turned mournful and sad
For the loss of friendship they had
With men who had been of valor.
Men sang poems of their own tune
Of vast destruction and ruin
From glorious battles they won.
Fear and hatred spread far and wide.
Elves knew they could no more abide
Near the men they now detested.
Elves retreated to forest trees
To live in peace and harmony
Away from evil men and kings.
But men needed wood to create
Their weapons of malice and hate
Fueled by the Lord of Darkness
Men invaded the woodland home
Which elves had made to be their own
And men were forbidden to go.
Elves had to protect their land
And so that is how it began.
The great war between men and elves.
Author notes
This is a poem in a series of Fantasy Poems. All will make one complete story but should stand out on its own as well.
Written September 12th, 2004
In a list
What did you think
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
-
i always love another chapter on elvin' lore! you did a great job in working alot of this out here, well written!
-
excellent~
Oh another good poem of fantasy you have penned here sweetie...I too like the lines that DramaStar does....
Scarlet and wildflowers
Accenting gold and white towers
Encircled by pools of green and blue
The imagery is wonderful in this....
I am not too big a fan on Lord Of Rings but I love reading this...
Keep on penning sweetie...
I knew you had this in ya
Love n hugs
Susan~~~
-
This is so good!
This is my favorite line
Scarlet and violet flowers,
Accenting gold and white towers,
Encircled by pools of green and blue -
I see the potential for adding feeling and depth to the piece with longer lines. I even like some of the suggested changes you made.
However, I think the longer lines take away from the lyrical feel of the poem. This is written in tetrameter. One of my favorite story poems "The Lady of Shallot" is written in tetrameter. Tolkein, who is my model and example for these types of poems, wrote in tetrameter and pentameter.
When stories where told by oral tradition they were often done in poetic form simply because it is easier to remember. What we call fantasy poems really date back to oral tales of these kind. I think the shorter stanzas adhere to the tradition of these types of poems.
Shorter lines, for me, are more of a challenge to write. I think brevity is good if it can say much in fewer words. That is often my goal as a poet - to say much in fewer words than it would take to say in prose.
So I like your suggestion and I think it does have merit. I may consider changes but I'm reluctant. I do feel my piece lacks some feeling and perhaps your suggestion is a way to improve upon that.
-
Stylistically speaking, I'm not so sure the short snappy sentences are the best fit for the mood of the piece. This seems so despondent and apologetic to the cause of the elves...
Such a doleful story requires, to my way of thinking, longer, more languid sentences--
It is known within elfin lore
Long ago before the great war
The birth of evil men and kings.
[Buried deep within the book of ancient elfin lore]
[From pages written months before the terrible Great War]
[Record the births of certain men and evil-minded kings]
[Prior to the days of late when evil men were found]
['Wisdom' and her near-twin sister 'Virtue' were renowned]
[Peace in balanced Harmony was reigning through the day]
In the days before men were found,
Wisdom and virtue were renowned
Peace and harmony ruled the day
Just personal preference I guess, but the short cadence of your lines sounds perkier, chippier, happier than the feeling that the words convey... just curious what you think!
-
It IS part of a series. 3 poems are written and more planned. Thanks
-
Sorry...I just saw your comment regarding the upcoming series...duh.
My bad... -
Excellent!
Wow...I really enjoyed this poem! Yes, it harkens back to Lord of the Rings, which I love, and it seems to set the stage for a series...hint, hint...if you would consider...? Excellent! -
I quite like this...and it is so sad..Man can be a very despicable creature when he wants to be, full of pride and arrogance. This was written very well..thanks for taking me away to a different land.
-
This is really sad, seeing as it strikes near to my heart. Very well written and done. Although you didn't quite capture our feeling during those times, you did well enough.
-
wow you sure picked a difficult topic to write about- it could easily have come across as lacking in substance, and or cliche. You did a great job with it.
-
awesome!
omg i love this poem! i love lord of the rings, so poems like this always amuse me
good job!
Adding your comment:
1 - 12 of 12
4 old applause
