Clear thought, unattained,
Through this glass cage.
I knock and knock from inside my brain,
But you never answer...
You treat me as if I'm your pet,
I don't walk on fours, I can talk in your language,
and if you don't let me go,
I'll make a mess of this laboratory,
Splatter it with blood and decorate with your unwrapped intestines,
strung like Christmas holly around all your precious gadgets,
You think I should be grateful, and bow down to the one who feeds me,
But can't you open up your ugly emerald eyes and see,
I'm just barely surviving,
Scrapeing up the pity you throw into my tank.
I never wanted this,
Maybe I wanted your dignity, respect, your honor.
Never this, to be considered a FREAK as if I don't have any emotions at all.
And all I was created for were tests and needles...
TESTS AND NEEDLES!!!
I'm so sick of,
TESTS AND NEEDLES!!!
I could stick them into your eye sockets, slowly till I paint the floor with your blood.
I simply want to live, if it's only just a moment, I want to taste the air that you breathe, I want to BREATHE!
Without hearing,
"She's on the loose someone stop her"
HA! You think you can stop me! Why don't you just wait and see.
The day I escape your cage, your pathetic prison, is the day you'll regret meeting poor, innocent, little me, Doc.
I will turn these wire and cords and machines on you and finally let you taste the medicine you force my body to indure.
Oh you just wait,
wait and see,
just who they call a 'FREAK'!!!!
Author notes
I wrote this poem based on your story "Evi" It was very good by the way.
I hope you like this, I tried to incorporate, the feeling of hatered and betrayal that she feels.
my quote-
"Treat others how you would like to be treated"
Because the Doctor didn't treat Evi how she wanted to be treated so what she did was payback for the pain he caused her.
Written September 9th, 2004
A contest entry
- Story/Poem-- contest! JOIN!! by Lady Patricia.
300 points, ended September 23, 2004, 3 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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this is really good
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realistic
wow. that was a fucking awesome write.
*applause* you made the story come to life. the character seemed so real. your chose in words were splendous, you just need to edit a little. other then that it was amazing.
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whoa..I'll leave out the critique, because it has already been mentioned here, but wow, groovy. I too, really dug that tests and needles part. I'm fascinated by the way you took the feelings from a character in a book and made them so real. I would have thought it was about you if I hadn't read the comments. There are some fascinating lines here, and I am impressed. And only 16....hmm. Can't wait to see how you develop your writing. Well done.
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the poem was good... i like the story behind it, however i feel you've got some really cool lines in here, like this one:Splatter it with blood and decorate with your unwrapped intestines,
strung like Christmas holly around all your precious gadgets,
very cool -
I like this, it's very interesting. The concept of power and the servant and master relationship. Very nice work, you have a way with words. I just love the way you portray your emotion. There's one of two grammatical errors, but you can expect it in a long piece like this. Work on your words a little bit more - that's the only advice I can give - apart from that, great work! Keep it up,
- Crowfoot. -
OH HELL YEAH-- AND DONT MIND UNKNOWNFRAILTY lol
she has a spelling fettish--
I loved this poem, at first i was like "damn..."
and then i read this
Splatter it with blood and decorate with your unwrapped intestines,
strung like Christmas holly around all your precious gadgets,
and i was like "goddamn!"
this was an awesome write-- a great way to portray Patricia ( EVI's) thoughts on the matter. and Freak was a perfect way to describe her and the situation.
TESTS AND NEEDLES!!!
I'm so sick of,
TESTS AND NEEDLES!!!
I could stick them into your eye sockets, slowly till I paint the floor with your blood.
I LOVE THIS-- THIS WAS WHERE I WAS LIKE HOLY SHIT YOU TELL THEM GIRL!
lol
that stanza really struck me. I like the repetitiveness in it. It excentuates-- that you truly are tired and sick of "tests and needles" I think you shouldhave repeated it one more time after the stanza-- just to make sure the reader understands damn clear that this woman was sick and tired lol of"tests and needles,".
TESTS AND NEEDLES!!!
I'm so sick of,
TESTS AND NEEDLES!!!
I could stick them into your eye sockets, slowly till I paint the floor with your blood. Fuck the world with its
TESTS AND NEEDLES!!!"
anyhow wonderful with this damn write-- you go girl as always, keep it sweet.
trish -
"indure." - should be endure. I loved the anger that you expressed in this poem. Though - and I hate them too - you don't need a comma after each line of the poem. Definately enjoyed the ending. Revenge is sweet especially when it's the same kind that the person has endured. ^^ Good luck in the contest.
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