confused
walls spinning round
struggling hard with panic
and fear
distressed
caged in my cube
vision blurred and shaded
in pain
sudden
from behind me
upon my shoulder lights
a hand
at once
my heart is calmed
moment of clarity
shines through
turning
i look to see
my kindly comforter
and find
nothing
an empty space
with no-one there to meet
my view
yet still
i clearly feel
upon my shoulder warm
a hand
yet still
it steadies me
and warmed within my chest
i grin
it seems
the steady hand
must to an angel friend
belong
Author notes
this was one of the brief sparks that took place before i got back into writing poetry. i wrote this directly after the experience described, right there on the computer in Frame Maker, a word processing program for Solaris, a UNIX OS.
Written April 6th, 1999
In a list
A contest entry
- Bend Your Mind (Contest) by Lune Feu.
450 points, ended September 19, 2004, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 19 of 19
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This is a very nice poem. Unique and full of feeling. I loved it
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Great!
now that is super duper awesome! to be touched by an angel is having contact with a being that sees God....i know you probably don't think it's cool now but I do and just wanted to let you know....lol...wow!....this stuff just keeps getting better and better....lol....great write...lol -
Interesting and pleasing write. I think that sounds like a blessing to know, actually know, that someone is there in a way you can feel, even if you dont see them. Whether it be a spiritual thing, or a manifested hope, the affect would be a positive one
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I've never had the feeling of someone being there, being comforting. In my house, we think there's a ghost who watches me on the computer, someone in my house has supposedly seen it
.
I have kind of felt the feeling though, when I went hiking and saw an eagle. In my culture, we believe that when someone dies, there spirit moves to another animal and we all think my uncle is an eagle, so I get comforted when I see eagles.
One thing- the last stanza, it sounds a bit awkward, but it does work, maybe you should take another look at it, but it's okay how it is too.
Thanks for sharing this, a very comforting poem.
>>Kami<< -
you are amazing
i would love to have a conversation with you sometime
i love writing as well as reading poems like these -
Excellent
Nice write, I lokked at your newest lot and noticed that I had commented on your most recent postings. So I have had to go to an older piece. So thanks for posting on the 'Nature of Me'.
This write seems quite... spiritual I think, perhaps you were trying to broach the subject of belief in a highter form. I won't say god, well I just did; but it is intering that when reading this I came to belive that any body would take away something different that means something special to themselves. Great write. -
It's great to see someone not using Microsoft. I don't know what to say about your experience. What matters is you experienced it and it was real for you.
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This is very awesome because I can totally relate- I feel the angel's hand of my dead boyfriend, still loved, my ex-boyfriend, close as a brother and my current boyfriend, always loving. The imagery was great, because it reminded me of the "Crawling In My Skin" by Linkin Park music video, where the walls of blue ice are around the girl. I wouldn't know Solaris from Redhat from Blackbox (though now I think I'm mixing Unix and Linux and Java) as I'm totally computer illiterate
Great write and thank you for the enter! -
Well improved. I like it very much.
Absinthe
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some slight changes.
1) you still get the rudolph with wings image?
2) i think your thought on "soul" was right on, so i fixed that stanza
3) i believe it's proper idiom to refer to certain types of things in past-tense even though talking about present-tense:
"she smiles at me. warmed within my heart, i smile back."
here the act is smiling, but the effect is the warmed heart. the act is present-tense, but it is the effect of the warmed heart that inspires the desire to smile back. i believe i'm using "warmed" correctly in this sense. let me know if you still feel it's wrong. -
I've printed this out and read it countless times. I like the feeling it gives, but some of the lines bother me a bit. I can comment like this on your poems cause you do on mine. (as long as the criticism is constructive)
I love it until we come to the end beginning with this stanza:
nothing
an empty space
with not a soul to see
at all.
I don't know why but 'not a soul to see' feels wrong. I mean; you can't 'see' a soul in real life. (I don't think) I can't come up with a suggestion on this, just the feedback that it feels out of place to me.
The next staza is fine.
The second to the last bothers me with this line: "and warmed within my chest" The rest of your poem is written in present tense except this line.
The final line. I can't help but laugh. You and I read things very differently. When I read, "must to an angel dear" I picture rudolf with wings. Perhaps if you swapped words, "must to a dear angel"
All of this however is only my opinion. I love the piece but feel that you could make it better if you put your mind to it. Not necessarily in the places I pointed out. That is just my feedback as a weirdo reader.
~Bezoar
Edited on Sep 09, 6:18 p.m. because 'of dratted misspelled words'. -
I had to read it twice to understand it, I hope I do- it seems to be about getting strong after heartbreak/sadness, though I could be wrong. Thanks for commenting on my poem, the 'icy face' is intended to belong to the woman (I would have used 'ice queen' but crossed it out, in case Eternal Ice Queen thought it was about her
) you were very close in your analysis, it's about her and 'the horse' having fun etc until danger comes, then she has left a dirty stable for the man at the end to clear up, hope this helps- without giving it away too much Keep writing and thanks for commenting, once again
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We all have our own personal phantoms that haunt, and anything, however small or seemingly insignificant that eases the suffering has to be a solace. I enjoyed the simplicity of your words and images, Thank you
Kat xxx -
I told you before that I really liked this poem and I'm telling you it again
I'm glad that you have found comfort and warmth in that time of your life. An angle, a good spirit, a guide had touched you and brought you back from wherever you've been.
I absolutely enjoyed reading this poem!
Hugs,
Mari
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I didn't expect to find this bit of free verse from you; it looks good on you, I must say. I think the discipline of form poetry, and working with rhythm and rhyme shows up in this piece, with its symmetry and assonance. Nicely done.
I don't know what to make of the experience you had...and I suppose it's not for me to make anything of it. we seem to find our strength when we most need it, whether from without or within. Faith, yes, in one thing or another. -
I liked this alot. From looking at your author page I was really kind of scared to read your poetry, to be honest, because it's all so structure and perfected and made in guidelines, but this isn't so much like that, or at least it doesn't give the air that it does. I'm not trying to down your way of writing. I think it's great that someone is trying and studying and becoming well versed in verse and such. With me, I don't have that structure, I like to just let go whatever within me feels the need to go, it's all pure, straight-forward raw emotion, and what's best is that I never even have ideas for poems until I have already clicked the "add" button on here. Everything is raw and fresh. But you know what, I think that it is really cool that you're doing sort of the same, within bounds and rules, because a society without rules, would be chaos, and that's what I am. Chaotic!
-Lorelei -
captivating
Hi Erin,
This has a wondrous feel and flow to it. I think we all have felt an annonymous presence at one time or another and your poem describes the feeling quite well. The inversion in the final stanza is tastefully done and not a distraction to this reader, but I make note of it, because I wonder if it was for some reason other than maintaining form. Nice write my friend and one I don't remember reading elsewhere.
Cheers,
Del -
This is beautiful. It's very comforting... there's just something about feeling a presence and knowing we'll be okay... i think we call it "faith" :-)
Lovely write, I enjoyed this.
~ Wendy -
It is pretty good. You work so well with syllabic writes.
Smooth. Like good whiskey.
Well, off to work! Have a great day.
Steve
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