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Here I Am

Here I am
out for a walk in the rain.
In the thunder,
in the lightning,
in the rain.

There's so much to think about
but nothing is coming out.
All the thoughts are so confusing,
so meshed together.
I can't find just one.

I want to start running,
but I can't.
I've got nowhere to run,
nothing to run from.
I would just go back home.

I want to fall to my knees and cry,
but I can't.
It would only be a temporary relief.
It wouldn't really help anything.
The thoughts would still be there.

There has to be a way.
A way to get these thoughts out.
A way to stop thinking.
A way to forget.
There has to be way...

Author notes

First thing I've ever written. Comments are encouraged
Written September 7th, 2004

What did you think

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments

1 - 7 of 7

  • September 16, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    ahhh...I hate feeling like this too. Sometimes you don't know what's going on, what you're so angry about, why you feel the way you do..and you wonder why you can't stop thinking all the time, about everything, and getting upset/angry/depressed about whatever happened in the past. But it's just one of those days, that everyone has, just writing out how you feel is a good way to get it started, to let everything out, yay. I caught your drift totally on this one.
    ~Liz


  • CoyoteLyle
    September 10, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Yeah, it's my least favorite too. But, hell... it's my first


  • September 10, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    my least favorite of the three, but still not bad at all.

  • CoyoteLyle
    September 7, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Thanks for the compliments. This being the first thing I wrote... ever... in my life... I just put it down and didn't bother to look it over at all. I agree with K, the rain's sounds weird, but I didn't know what else to put down. Running... meh. 4th does seem weird. But, I'm not nit-picky, and I'm not perfect, though I will try a little harder if I write any more.


  • Anly Stede
    September 7, 2004
    Edit | Reply

    Very Good

    a wandering mood is what I feel in your words... I think it's just fitting considering the subject I like the format you chose to present your mood... it's well-structured... and what you are expressing I completely relate to so I like this very much xx

  • Loveable Cherub
    September 7, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Ok, this may be a little harsh on the first piece you've written, but these are only suggestions!

    1st paragraph shouldn't have 'rain' twice, maybe change the last one to something different.

    Too much 'running' in the third paragraph.

    4th paragraph seems...awkward.

    Ok, I think that's it. I love what you are trying to get at in this piece, but it seems like you have a little trouble getting it out.

    Keep writing!!

    k

  • ChristFreak
    September 7, 2004
    Edit | Reply

    Good

    It's good. Different from what I am used to reading. Good job on it! Don't be scared to write, just write!

1 - 7 of 7