Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

Sophisticated



Toothpaste runs freely
down my soft and dimpled chin
But I do not care




Author notes

I'm not sure if this counts as a haiku

but it's in a 5, 7, 5 form

this is really a deep poem, you decide the message it sends
Written September 6th, 2004

What did you think

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 12 of 12

  • -Twilight-
    December 16, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Heh! That's so very, very "Sophisticated" and rather funny I might add! I do this very often, just brushing my teeth, someone walks in to talk and I don't even finish. Fun stuff right there. Keep writing!!

    Stephanie


  • Seppuku
    November 16, 2004
    Edit | Reply

    la la la

    haha. this was interesting. lol


  • nOva-
    November 14, 2004
    Edit | Reply

    roxmysox

    Hey, this is great. consice , full of an inner core, but so freely written, nice job red oil rose! I look forward to reading and commenting more of your works Haiku's are beautiful, this is original The format is a bit altered, but i don't think it really counts ( you should check out writing tanka's! follows almost same format as this)
    ~sunrise777~
    ...IRONY...
    Edited on Nov 14, 11:19 because ''.

  • Jambaqua Miruni
    November 11, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    ok, i guess i'm an idiot, i do not get it.


  • thisisnotrevolution
    November 10, 2004
    Edit | Reply

    very good

    ooo i like this one... they symbolism of the toothpaste, i love it! it is very very vveery good!


  • shadowstormz
    November 10, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Hahaha, awesome haiku! It's always nice to see nice, sweet, and short haikus. I believe I wrote one myself, but just one. Hehe. Great haiku!!! (^_^) Keep it up!

  • red oil rose
    September 9, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    ..is this an insult..?

  • I left ap
    September 9, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    ... i have no effin clue wtf this just said but you know what it touched me in the bottom of my soul... I feel it... almost like i feel jesus

    But you know what jesus is non existant in my life...


  • daZed and confuZed
    September 7, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Not sure if I get it... lol. I'll try and think about it. hold on... Does it mean no one is perfect and they don't care?
    ~Princess

  • red oil rose
    September 6, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    wow! thank you so much! i love it when people dig deep into my work. it lets me know that im not the only one that understands it.

  • Lord Gegishov
    September 6, 2004
    Edit | Reply

    Excellent

    Such philosophy in this one. The nonchalance of our existence. Very well done. haikus are awesome. They are short, sweet, and leave one pensive. Those are remarkable traits to have, if one should be so lucky to have them. Keep up the good work. This is amazing.


  • Ashley Bright silver member
    September 6, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    the simple toothpaste look
    always fun ...and minty! hehe
    i liked this

    ~ashes~

1 - 12 of 12