You want to know what I just can't abide?
What breaks my heart and tears me up inside?
Watching people wallow in despicable things,
oblivious to the sorrow and pain it brings.
Do you have a problem that just won't go away?
Or maybe you've even considered suicide today.
Stop thinking about it! You're giving it power!
Stop rolling around in what's rotten and sour!
Maybe your problem is you're an ungrateful whelp
Or you've poisoned your soul and now you need help.
But hey, why fix a problem you can continue to shirk?
Besides, seeking solutions sounds too much like work!
It's a lot easier to sit around pissing and moaning.
Why assess yourself honestly? Just keep on condoning!
Keep blaming your parents, your teachers and friends.
If you're looking for scapegoats, the list never ends.
Just keep the Windex far away from the mirror
so you'll never have to see yourself any clearer.
And make sure all the arrows are pointing away
so you can keep personal responsibility at bay.
If you're young, you've probably got plenty of time.
In fact, you're probably living on the enemy's dime.
But someday, you'll move out and years will pass.
They'll be cold in the ground to no longer harass.
You'll think about all that you put them through
and realize that some of the blame falls on you.
They may not be perfect. "Far from it," you say?
But they're doing their best, and in their own way.
They've given you everything that they can afford;
at least clothes, education, food, room and board.
So the next time you feel your hatred for them burn,
ask yourself what you have done for them in return.
And even if your parents are abusive to you,
what good does hurting yourself further do?
Does that not make their victory complete?
Wouldn't being happy be a much greater feat?
Imagine the faces of those who have hurt you,
of those who tried to destroy and desert you,
when instead of misery, all you can feel
is the purpose and joy they tried to steal.
You may actually be bi-polar or manic-depressive.
If so, I'm sorry for being so harsh and aggressive.
But for most of the hateful, depressed and addicted,
their problems are almost always self-inflicted.
Deep down, they don't really want their worries absolved.
So the real problem is they don't want problems solved!
Unwilling to do the work to be healthy and strong,
they start screwing up and doing everything wrong.
After all, it's romantic to be the brooding artist type,
and it's harder to be happy than to just sit and gripe.
It's harder to dig deep to try and fix what is broken.
And it’s easier to leave difficult words unspoken.
It's easier to be self-centered, hostile and cold
than it is to be compassionate, friendly and bold.
Thinking, “I’ll hate you before you can hate me”
is easier than being open, courageous and free.
The easiest path demands the least from you
but it's almost always the worst thing to do.
And the life you desire will stay on the shelf
until the day you learn how to say no to yourself.
You can close your heart off so you won't be noticed by jerks.
That's almost every fool's strategy, but it just never works.
You make yourself invisible to bad people, it's true.
But you also won't be seen by the life-lovers like you!
I say don't let the monsters alter your soul.
They don't deserve to have that much control.
Don't wear some uncomfortable, ill-fitting disguise.
You'll just end up a zombie with no joy in your eyes.
You're fine as you are, no matter what they say,
and nobody should be able to take so much away.
But the enemies that can really tear you apart
are the destructive forces within your own heart.
I'm sorry about the frustrated tone of this letter.
I could probably make my point a little bit better.
I just can't stand to see young people in constant pain
because when I was young, I thought I was going insane.
I've had more than my share of misery, too.
And that's why I'm reaching out now to you.
What better way is there to know the road ahead
then by knowing what those returning have said?
I've learned a hell of a lot that I'd like to share
but I fear it won't help, for I'm here and you're there.
Youth must always struggle and tear at the earth.
It has been that way from the dawn of man's birth.
In my younger days, older people were separate from me.
I didn't see them as someone that someday I would be.
I thought I knew everything but I didn't know how.
Their world was yesterday, but mine was right now.
I never stopped to consider how much they'd been through,
all the things that they'd seen and how much they knew.
I was too busy feeding my ego and impressing my friends
in a battle for status that, in this life, never ends.
My parent's didn't matter. My friends came first.
They deserved the best but were treated the worst.
And the friends to whom I thought I was forever bound?
I look around today, and they're nowhere to be found.
But my mom and dad are. They're still right by my side.
They never left me once, though it was a hard, bumpy ride.
Looking back through the years and what I put them through,
it never dawned on me then that they were growing up, too.
But I'm older now. All the battles are done.
And it no longer matters who lost or who won.
I now have the peace that I lacked in my youth.
I faced myself bravely and I found my own truth.
I didn't find it by hurting myself or another.
I didn't find it by blaming my father or mother.
I found it by exploring and always, always learning
with a lust for truth that even now is still burning.
And all the great thinkers throughout history
have dwelled upon this same old, sad mystery.
And through all of mankind's mayhem and confusion,
every one of them came to the same conclusion . . .
They said, “WHATEVER YOU THINK ABOUT MOST EXPANDS.”
That is, whatever it is life dumps in your hands,
there's one thing no one can damage or steal -
That's what you choose to think or to feel.
If you think about pain, you get more of the same.
That's how it is with anything you could name.
Abe Lincoln said it, and it's gospel to me -
"People are as happy as they decide to be."
If a vicious dog keeps on attacking you,
what is the smartest thing you can do?
Let it keep biting you until you're dead?
Or find a big shovel and cave in its head?
The same is true of feelings that make you cry.
If you don't fight them, they just never die.
But if you seek healthy ways to engage your mind,
your heart and soul, too, will become realigned.
Please consider all this the next time you cut
or if you find yourself back in the same old rut.
Yes, people can be awful and at times life can suck.
And some days, it can feel like you're fresh out of luck.
But your life is your ship and you're in control
despite all the fools who try to damage your soul.
It's your life to live and only you choose the way.
You can reinvent yourself, starting right now, today.
These days, healing ourselves has become quite a trick
with pharmaceutical companies telling us we're all sick.
But just as the body can heal a wound or infection,
the heart and mind have a similar kind of protection.
Complaining about problems may keep you from going insane
but search for answers, too, or you'll stay buried in pain.
So scream if you must. Sometimes that's just what we need.
But look for a solution so that you'll someday be freed.
I don't mean to come off sounding "holier than thou"
or that I think I'm better or smarter than you somehow.
Everything that I've learned has come at a terrible cost.
I'm just trying to keep you from losing all that I lost.
As I end, I wonder if my words will do anyone any good
for few learn from standing where another has stood.
It's just a cry in the wilderness, my little report.
But what can I say? Life's just too damn short.
Author notes
Dying4Life,
I originally wrote this poem for a contest that actually celebrated hatred, so it starts out a little angry, then softens as it goes. If you can make it through the first 10 stanzas or so, you're home free. lol I hope it helps your friend somehow.
For all the people posting messages like, "Unless you've been there, you don't know what you're talking about" . . .
I was an absolute wreck when I was young - depressed, angry, addicted to conflict, etc. My brother was a cutter who became a drug addict and career criminal, spent eight years of his life in prison, and died of a heroin overdose six years ago.
I wrote plenty of depressing poems back then. Looking back, I honestly don't think they helped me. They only kept me stuck.
Joseph Campbell said we grow and learn in life as a result of two kinds of experiences - trials and revelations. One of the greatest revelations of my life was when I realized I was addicted to conflict and that my own negativity was keeping me down more than anything anyone else had ever done to me. As John Milton wrote -
"The mind is its own place, and in it, we make a hell of heaven, a heaven of hell."
I don't like to compare horror stories with anyone because I know pain is a relative thing. A 16 year-old girl who gets a gigantic pimple on her nose on prom night is just as devastated as a soldier who wakes up in a hospital with a leg missing. And I would prefer to not give the problems I've had in the past more power by talking about them at all. I have too much interest in all the glorious possibilities the future holds to waste any more time than I already have sparring with the shadows of the past. But I feel it is warranted here because I'm getting so many messages from young people who think nobody in the world has ever felt as lousy as they do. It just isn't true. This is why it's so important for young people to sit down and talk with older people as often as possible. (They should choose selectively because older people are not always wiser. Sometimes age travels alone. lol) But if young people are only talking with other young people, they can start to believe that the world began with them, and that older people just want to judge and insult them. If your parents or older people seem angry and frustrated, it's because they probably know how happy you could be if only you'd get out of your own way, like they eventually had to do in their own lives.
All the answers you're looking for have already been found. People have struggled with the same questions you are struggling with since the beginning of time. I am only suggesting that, instead of hurting yourself or concluding that the world and other people are worthless, spend some time in the "self-help" section of the bookstore, read great books and poetry, TRAVEL (preferably to poverty-stricken countries where people are struggling just to survive), find the oldest, wisest person you know and ask them how they overcame the difficulties in their life. In other words, find the right sources and seek outside yourself. When you have discovered how possible it truly is to be happy and healthy by studying the lives of those who have done it and charted the way for you, you will be able to "be a lamp unto your own feet", as Buddha described it, because you will have worldly wisdom.
The kind of source I'm referring to is a man named Victor Frankl, who wrote a book called Man's Search for Meaning. He was a holocaust survivor who lost everything - family, money, health, property, etc. He escaped a Nazi concentration camp by climbing onto a carriage and hiding among dead bodies. The carriage was taking them to a mass grave outside the camp grounds. He was so emaciated, he looked like a corpse so nobody noticed him lying there on all the other ones. He was thrown into the hole and other bodies were thrown on top of him. After the soldiers left, he climbed out and walked through the woods until he found a small cabin. The people living there took him in and hid him until the war was over. Later, he wrote a book about that experience and said, ""Everything can be taken from a man but the last of the human freedoms - to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way."
If he can feel that way after losing literally everything to the Nazi's, there's hope for anyone.
Peace,
Mark
"Latent in every man is a venom of amazing bitterness; a black resentment; something that curses and loathes life; a feeling of being trapped; of having trusted and been fooled; of being the helpless prey of impotent rage; blind surrender; the victim of a savage, ruthless power that gives and takes away; and the crowning injury inflicted upon him is the humiliation of feeling sorry for himself."
- Paul Veléry
Written September 6th, 2004
In a list
A contest entry
- help me to take the pain away by dying4life.
350 points, ended November 5, 2004, 29 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
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You will become what you most persistently think about. If you keep obsessing about your problems and hanging around only with people who are determined to do the same, you will stay stuck forever. That's a fact, not an opinion.
Good luck.
Mark -
You really shouldnt tell me to read poetry that says to stop wanting to die and stop thinking bout suicide..because it makes me feel worse about myself...i like to know that others feel the same as me so that i know that i am not crazy
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I greatly enjoyed that poem...absolutly loved it!!! and i totally agree..talking to older ppl is the best!!! i talk to quite a few older ppl cuz in my opinion, some (not all) younger ppl are naive and incompetent..and i HATE talkin to stupid ppl...i hope this doesnt offend anyone. but those kinda ppl bug the hell outta me. anyways nice poem..!
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99,
Thanks. All we can do is try, but I think a lot of people avoid writing "message poems" because they don't want to come off sounding preachy. I'm willing to take that chance if it helps people. I just got a comment today that would have made writing this poem worthwhile even if it were the only response I'd ever received on it. To give just one person an idea or two that helps them feel happier and perhaps alters a destructive course - that is HUGE to me and such a great feeling.
I hope you're doing well today.
Mark xo
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Ashley,
Thanks so much for reading this in the same spirit it was written in - a sincere desire to help young people who are suffering - and thanks for "getting it". It means a lot to me to know that you found something personal in it that might help you. You made my day. I'm looking forward to exploring your work, too.
Mark
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wow thanks for recommending that poem to me, it made me think about why i cut and how its selfish of me, i guess it was kinda a reality check that said "hey your life isnt that bad" cause my parents dont abuse me and i get pretty much what i want and this poem was written so well, it seems to me that your trying to get ppl to understand that its wrong, not being mean about it but soft instead. this one is a great one! ill keep reading your stuff and you can feel free to say anything you would like about my writting, i could always use some good critisim lol .... ttyl, <33 ashley
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What a wonderful gift that you've given to those who are hurting. It does begin a bit angry but then gets at the root of the issues that keep people hurting or wallowing in it. You have offered the notion of choice to end the hurt that becomes self inflicted. I have read some works of those who harm themselves because of the pain they feel and its so sad that this is how many process their emotional pain to inflict physical pain on themselves. Many of us should do as you've done to reach out and share something to help and to heal. What a heart for others you have.
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Thanks Sharon,
I'm glad you liked this (and made it through the whole thing! lol) I know you've had your share of problems and can relate to some of it. I also know you're a warrior and are equal to any challenge. Your opinion on this means a lot to me.
Love,
Dad
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Thanks for suggesting I check out this poem - it was wonderful. Thanks also, for commenting on my poems.
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Awesome
First off DAMN THIS ONE WAS LONG!!!!!!!!! I ran out of breath reading it many times because I was reading it to my brother. I loved it though...Can I add this one to my group? I think it would help a lot of people. It really made me think. Now my head hurts you're not supposed to make me think. Ouch. Okay new subject. This is one of the most powerful poems I have read. EVER. Wonderfully written. I am really almost speechless.......WOW.
Sharon -
this is very good mark, i really enjoyed it... unfortunately, it does not change my own views on cutting. when i need to, i have to do it, or else i'll be punished. but a fantastic write for those who are on the boarder line of doing it and wanting to stop. well done. xx
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amazing
Mark,
This is an amazing piece of work - and completely true. I'm going to try to avoid playing "story time," but I can relate. I never know what to do or say when friends of mine call to say that they wish they weren't alive, or that they haven't eaten in a couple of days, or my favorite, "Hey, I just took 9 vicodin.. do you think I should go to the hospital?" Sometimes answers are obvious (i.e. "yes, you do need to go to the hospital"), but in most cases, I'm not sure that helpful answers are accepted during times of distress... and usually I stick to the quick-fix responses... but I agree whole-heartedly with you - problems can only be conquered by oneself... and only if s/he wants to be victorious.. I appreciate you taking a chance in writing this... saying what you really think instead of what people expect.
Also... the whole poetry aspect... I'm impressed with your ability to arrange the rhyming so well. Great work. -
It’s great that you can share the wisdom you have accumulated over the years with young people who are struggling with their transition to adulthood. It’s just a shame that many of them will not find the time or the inclination to contemplate on the significance of your words.
I bet there are a lot of adults out there though, who will read this and wish, like you, that they had known then what they know now.
One of the most profound lines in here, to me, was …
“Looking back through the years and what I put them through,
it never dawned on me then that they were growing up, too.”
As a child I believed my parents were all-knowing beings, who could do no wrong and anything they did, when I was a child, that I considered unjust, seemed to me to be an act of malice. Now, as a parent, struggling to get it right, and constantly learning the art of parenting, while trying to perform it to the best of my abilities, I realise that they were not perfect, as I had thought, but, as you say here, they were still growing up and learning themselves.
Oh my… I have just read your author comment, which deserves applause of its own!
“If your parents or older people seem angry and frustrated, it's because they probably know how happy you could be if only you'd get out of your own way, like they eventually had to do in their own lives.”
I truly hope, when my kids are in their teenage years, that I can find someone like you, full of a wisdom born from experience, to be a mentor to them, because as we well know… kids don’t listen to their parents!
Another incredible write... you are an extremely talented poet, as well as a wise one!
~ Lou ..xx
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Hi Mya,
Being that this poem has a lot of personal information scattered through it, it definitely isn't "universal". For instance, the part about my parents' support through my troubled years. I'm sorry you don't have that from your father, and I know a lot of people don't. So I just hope there was a line or two in the poem that you could relate to, and I don't mind at all if you trash the rest. Reading a poem is a lot like life - we choose what to concentrate on and what to throw away.
Re. your ex-boyfriend, it sounds like he has a lot of issues that have nothing to do with you. I don't want to speculate because I don't know him, but usually, young guys that become priests out of shameful feelings or whatever are dealing with some kind of inner monster. After all, the best way to fix a leak is to shut the water off at the main. i.e., turn one's life over to someone/thing else. I don't mean to totally disparage the spiritual path. Sometimes it's a legitimate search for meaning, but almost as often, it's a result of religious guilt that was inflicted on a person throughout their childhood.
I hope you are able to overcome your demons and be happy someday. Who deserves happiness more than the people who have suffered the most?
I'm at work right now but I'll check out your work ASAP.
Many blessings,
Mark -
Im one of those people that have had a contest on cutting. Yup, I'll admit it. I've also had contest about my eds. Nope, doesnt help one bit, but it does give you one thing, understanding. It helps you find people that you can relate with. I found Sara, her and I are so much a like, that we call eachother sisters. It helps a lot to have people that understand you.
My parents don't care. I dont live with my mom, currently I live with my Grandma. My "father" never truly loved me, nor cared. His drugs and money were more important then his children, and last year he went to prison for the 9th time since I've been born. He was never there for me, and because of him, I have no clue who half of my family is, and have never met my 2 older half sisters.
I've lost 4friends to death in the last year and a half, and 4months ago, the guy that helped me with everything, left me too. He went to seminary to be a preist. Yeah, maybe I should be happy for him, and maybe I shouldn't have so much hate towards that. Except for the fact, that he no longer cares about all the things he promised me.
I was with him for 9months, but it felt like 9years. I talked to him on the phone for 8hours everyday, atleast. I loved him, he was my angel. Whenever I would fall, if I went to him, he'd be there, to give me a word, to help me. He promised that he'd always be here for me. That he would only leave to seminary for a little while, and it was only for the experince. He gave me a promise ring, he said it was to show me, that he'd be back for me, and I was his true love. He's 21 years old, and Im 16. Dont worry, we never did anything icky. I just loved talking to him, and being there for him. Everything about him,meant so much to me. He helped me with my popping pills problem, and with my depression.
When he left, it all came back. I don't pop pills, but I guess you could say I got worse. When he left, I couldn't eat. That eventually turned into a eating disorder, to the point that I am now bullemic. I started cutting myself, to take the anger out. I dont hate him, but I hate the way he thinks. He thinks, yeah...I used her, I hurt her, but who cares...God will take care of it. Im going to be a preist, so God will forgive me" and then, the few emails I get are all about him, and God, and yada yada...like I care. I miss him, and it hurts. I wrote this poem to him the otherday allpoetry.com/Poem/937438 he'll ofcourse never read it, but it helped to vent.
My birthday was last month. I turned 16 years old. It was the hardest day of my life. My angel Jessie who died a year and a half ago, had the same b-day as me, only she was a year older. Me going to her grave made it so hard. Not only did I OD on pills, but I broke down, and cried all day. Being without her, has scarred me for life.
I dont want pity, I just use my poetry to express myself. Not many people understand me, including I. I dont understand myself. So when I write a poem, and read it over, and over. It ddoesnt make me feel worse, it just helps me understand.
This poem was, a little bit harsh in the beginning, but it did indeed soften up. Thank you for telling me about it. I seen more work, that I would like to read by you 
LaLa
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There's a lot of good advice here. As you know from my own poems, I get rather annoyed by the "poor me" culture as well. As for actually encouraging people to write poems celebrating "cutting" (the very word makes me shiver), what in God's name has the world come to? Even to have such a trivial little word for what amounts to self-mutilation, and may result in death from infection, worries me. And I think I know wherof I speak. Anyway, thanks for letting me read this. Maybe the world will change in time, who knows? Best Wishes.
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Jessica,
Thanks for reading this. I appreciate it. As I said, there's no excuse for verbally abusing someone who is in pain. It says more about the angry person than the cutter. Maybe there's something they haven't dealt with that the person cutting is reminding them of, eh? Anyway, your opinion means a lot to me on this one. Thanks again.
mark -
Mark I understand what you say, my frustration was brought out by a girl saying she f--ing hated cutters and all of that and basically said screw you in a contest... I've noticed a lot of people doing things the cruel way instead of the kinder way. Your poem is wonderful though. I loved it and how it touched on it and showed a lot more of the frustrating things that people do shun off or people bring on themselves. Wonderfully written
~~Jessica Erin
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Thanks, I really need it
Yeap, playing piano is truly awesome -
No problem. Good luck with the concert. I've always wished I would have taken up the piano. Being able to play an instrument well is a blessing in this world. As the old saying goes, "Music washes from the soul the dust of everyday life."
Best wishes,
Mark -
Oh god, I dont cut
I think its psycho
Anyways, I dont think Ill be able to enter that competition
I dont have enough time, I have my piano concert
Damn IT!
hehe -
MetalConker,
(Wow, I'd like to hear the story behind that name. lol) Thanks a lot. I appreciate the support and encouragement very much. I'm glad to meet a kindred spirit. I read recently that cutting is a new thing. It's a very disturbing development and it will take a lot of positive strength from poets and others like you and I to help stop it one life at a time. Thanks again.
Mark -
Thank you thank you thank you
I love this poem
I have chosen to write about you, because all that you speak of is how I think too
Great poem! -
100/10 !!!!!
harsh, yes.. but i am inspired.
your point of view is worth applauding again and again, even more for being so clear in conveying what you wanted to.
only a point: people who cut have a different frame of mind.. they dont realise they are hurting themselves.. for them its like taking care of themselves. but i guess this poem can shake their belief too!
great write, even greater message not just for cutters, but for all!
Congratulations for your very well deserved trophy.
thanks for sharing,
luv n luk always,
kunjal.
Edited on Nov 11, 2:45 p.m. because ''. -
Dying4Life,
Thank you so much for your wonderful comments and for the gold in this contest. It really means a lot to me. I put everything I had into this poem because it hurts and frustrates me so much to see young people hurting themselves, and basically adding unnecessary pain to the pain already in their lives. I hope it does some good in the world.
Thanks again, and for letting me know you "got it".
Mark
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Proud to call you my Friend, Mark...congratulations on winning the gold...you deserve it...well done, Sir... Wanda
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wow wow wow im just speechless wow im in love with this poem it has just about every little thing a teenager and even many somewhat younger people go through its very deep very powerfull and completely and utterly inspirational this has brought up issue that i, myself am and have gone through and will alway help me to look to older more experienced people for help and to alway so how my parents feel when i do something stupid and thats my fault that only i can get myself out of i thank God that you've spent the time to write this and what really rocks about it, it all rhymes i love that in a poem true it was long and thankfully ur first stanza's kept me reading because this is truely remarkable i thank God for you amazing write and good luck in the contest
~ ~ Dying4life ~ ~ -
Well your words never seize to captivate me and leave me speechless. Your words are written with much wisdom and sound sincere. I'm sure you inspire many people. Hopefully inspiration leads to undertsanding the true meaning of your words.
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Very good although very long poem. I wasn't prepared to read all of that, but every word was one that fit in this contest. A worthy entry, and I thank you for it.
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Hello again, my dear. I'm glad you changed your name. It feels better this way. This poem reminds me of Keats' letters. The contradictions here are well-founded, as in Keats' "negative capability", though you exploit it. Either way, well done, therefore, I must continue to adore you. Seems I can't help it.
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Speechless, honestly. I couldn't think of how an words to describe this spectacular poem. You are a true poet, my friend! This poem NEEDS to be published! It should be a classic along with Edgar Allen Poe's work. OMG! I cannot believe how beautiful and excellent this poem was!!! *Walks away speechless, mumbling about how deep and awesome it was*
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Hey PS,
Thanks for the promotion. I know this piece upsets a lot of people, but if it helps a few, I'll happily accept the wrath. lol
Mark -
This was certainly like reading a book but I am happy for all the time I took to do so. You make some valid points and I hope more people make it to the end of the piece and take something from it.
Anastasia -
amazing! Great job on it. Downright unbelieveable! Very well done. So many resources and quotes and everything. I wish I could write like that. Keep it up!
Much Love,
Kristen -
wow great write, if they were giving out awards, id give you silver, behind me!
great write
adios -
o.k on a very seriouse note I have read this through the second time, book marked it just in case I get into one of those moods
the encouragement and power of this message is astonishing! so anyways I am promoting it
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Man your long winded, I hope I never piss you off
hey by the way thanks for the brief apology
You may actually be bi-polar or manic-depressive.
If so, I'm sorry for being so harsh and aggressive.
You crack me up. However this write holds so much truth and you make some excellent points! I like the way you think my dear awsome, awsome write!!
Lena
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Hi Michael,
Thanks for reading this poem and the comment section. I added about five verses to this since I originally posted it. Because of your comment on the length and several others, I have deleted them. I think they may have slowed the poem down and belabored the point a little anyway. Thanks for the honest critique. I appreciate it.
Mark -
Very good advice given both in your poem and your comments. My only critique would be about the length of the poem. I like to think I have a normal attention span but it was a little too much to read for me. But I must give credit where credit is due..I admire you for making the effort!
Michael -
Mark-
I think that this poem is amazing. Honestly, I'm not sure it will help and i kinda can see and understand how it may make people feel worse about themselves, and i kinda did, too, reading it, but it was very inspirational none the less. So much of it is true, even if it's difficult to convince yourself of that. A lot of parts hit home such as when you said that writing about your problems just glorifies them and stuff. I hate writing about my problems, and when i do, i dont usually put them up or keep them unless they really strike me. I don't even tell my best friend or my boyfriend about them, even though they have 100% of my trust, coz they don't need my crap bringing them down. I also liked the part that said that your life is a ship that you control, and ill really try hard to keep this in mind. You said that you wont win because its not depressing, but i think that it should because the whole point of this contest was ultimately to STOP INJURING. I think a lot of people forgot that INCLUDING myself, somewhat. But you know what? Even if it doesnt get the trophie (which it should) it gets my applause.
~~Rin~~ -
Hi Sara,
Thanks for reading all of this and for the encouragement. I would be glad to read your work. I'm down with the flu right now but please do IM me with some links to the ones you'd like reviewed. Thanks again!
Mark -
God Bless Mark and God Bless Mark A Lot
WOW! This took awhile to read but was WELL worth the effort. I'm not applauding any of the poems because I will applaud those that don't win a trophy and I want to remain as impartial as I can until my final choices. I look forward to seeing your published works one day. VERY WELL DONE.
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Wow! You put forth so many resources, quotes, and information, it took me awhile to read but unlike most long poems and such this one seem to catch my attention from beginning to end. Thank you so much for sharing. My cyber Dad haikumonk has told me a lot about you and has even used your name as a resource to review some pieces I'd like to write as a published book. I need to IM you sometime and see if you'd mind reading them Anyways, you are quite a writer and poet, I can tell just by reading this piece from you. Great Write! ---Sara
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MmmCoffee,
That's the problem with the Internet. These black and white words on the screen are often misinterpreted because there is no voice, eyes or facial expressions. I could tell by your previous response that you're more intelligent than most 16 year-olds. I would love to chat with you anytime. Thanks for the offer.
My sole point with this poem is this - the more you defend your problems and the reasons for them, the more they are yours and will be yours - forever - until you learn to think a different way. As I mentioned in a previous response, I basically ruined my youth by becoming addicted to conflict. As the old saying goes, "A man with only one enemy will meet him everywhere." I had to lose a lot of years before I realized that other people weren't the problem, I was. Yes, people did terrible things to me that I didn't deserve, but I allowed those acts to have power over me for years until I developed a fierce resolution to stop giving them free rent in my mind and save myself from a lifetime of misery reflecting on every bad thing that was ever done and said to me. What we choose to focus on in life makes all the difference in the world, like the story of the two prisoners looking out of the windows of their cells - one sees bars and one sees stars.
You said you couldn't figure out why there was so much applause on this poem. I think I know why. The applause is given mainly by people who have been cutters, depressed, suicidal, etc., but have emerged on the other side and become whole and happy, knowing that their transformation was more a result of using their minds correctly than it was of anything any drug could ever do, which is a temporary, artificial fix. Yes, a drug can soothe the pain long enough for the person to think clearly, but the change in thinking is what ultimately saves them.
I'm glad to hear you have great respect for your elders. That's something that is missing in the world today, and many of the problems in society can be attributed to it.
Thanks again for your honest opinion on this, and congratulations again on overcoming your problems, and helping others to do the same. I don't claim to have all the answers. All I know is I have been fiendishly depressed, addicted to misery, and even contemplated suicide on several occasions, and the only thing that helped me was mastering my own thoughts, because as another old saying goes . . . "Thoughts become emotions, emotions become actions (positive or negative), actions become character, and character determines destiny."
Take care,
Mark
Edited on Sep 12, 7:05 p.m. because ''. -
after reading you rather good reply to my comment, and seeing what you had to say in defence, i have fewer problems with what you wrote.. but, you have managed to bring something else to my attention.
Your comment, "Just because you are older doesn't mean you know anything at all" is pretty typical of the lack of respect for experience and age that pervades our culture these days, and it's actually one of the reasons so many kids are screwed up - they're going to the wrong sources for answers. They'll pay more attention to some rapper or movie star in an interview than they will to their grandparents.
this comment offended me, as i have never take the advice of some rapper or movie star and i dont like people who do.. besides, these rappers and movie stars know nothing of real life, everything is being given to them and even if they did live like everyone else in the past, they have long since forgotten their past. i have great respect for my elders, as should everyone else. i was simply stating that your age only marks how long you have been alive. so im not trying to be disrespectful in any way. and to say that im ignorant to the way things in life are would be false, so dont think that i am a stupid kid. or that i think i know everything. i know that i have much to learn, but i also know that i know more than anyone else my age.
you seem like an intellegant person, maybe we could chat some time. -
Hi Kerry,
Nice to hear from you. Please refer to my comment to MmmCoffee above. I would just be repeating myself.
I hope you're doing well, too. Everybody at the school misses you.
Mark -
MmmCoffee,
I guess you've never heard of tough love? If you could see past your denial and anger when you were reading this poem, you would have found plenty of attempts not to offend anyone. As I admit repeatedly in the many responses to this work, 99% of which have been very positive, I started out angry in response to a contest celebrating hatred, then my true feelings about people who cut or are depressed or suicidal came out. I also mention in the poem that this applies only to the people whose problems are self-inflicted, not people who are clinically bi-polar or manic-depressive.
Though the poem begins in a confrontational way to make people think, I think it is balanced enough by compassion overall, and the people who react in a hostile way are exactly the kind of people I'm talking about - people who will defend their problems to the bitter end because they have given up on themselves.
Your comment, "Just because you are older doesn't mean you know anything at all" is pretty typical of the lack of respect for experience and age that pervades our culture these days, and it's actually one of the reasons so many kids are screwed up - they're going to the wrong sources for answers. They'll pay more attention to some rapper or movie star in an interview than they will to their grandparents.
Congratulations on helping people, as you say you have. This was my attempt, and it came from a good place. I'm not offended that you didn't like it. I put more value on the comments from people who are cutting or have cut and said this poem is right on the money. No offense.
Mark -
My friend Rj sent me a great IM on this poem. Though it criticizes the view expressed in this poem slightly, I think there are a lot of great points that might help people dealing with these problems. Here it is -
Hi Mark,
I believe that you are correct, poetry may be cathartic, but it is unlikely to cure depression, especially for men. Women do seem to get more out of processing out loud than do men. But depression causes actual chemical changes in a persons brain that actually cause more depression; kind of a feedback loop. It takes more than a little poetry to reprieve a chronic depressive. Usually it takes some pretty radical event.
Regarding ‘Man’s Search for Meaning’ I like the uplifting lesson you drew from it. And to one extent or another it is as correct as any other and more so than most. But life and death circumstances rarely lead to depression. I know people raised in real tragic circumstances that told me that when they were starving they really didn’t have time to feel sorry for themselves. They were too busy fighting to survive. From my own experience I can assure you that when someone is shooting at you, depression is the farthest thing from you mind. Adrenalin kicks in, big time, and survival instinct over rides depression double quick. This accounts for the feelings of extreme wellbeing that some persons seem to possess when they have cheated death by a narrow margin. A life or death shock usually works a treat to cure depression.
I hazard to guess that something external happened to you that broke your own cycle of gloom. Once out of the cycle, it was your strength of will that kept you from backsliding. Your experience and to some extent mine, and possibly the shared experience of everyone that has been there and done that, should be inspirational to everyone still lost in the blue funk. But my experience with depressives is that they usually need to find their own way out or experience the necessary shock that breaks the cycle. (Note: electro convulsive therapy is still one of the best treatments for depression. The temporary memory loss it creates allows the brain time to reset into normal mode.) Most depressives will actually resist any efforts to cheer them up or misinterpret everyone’s good intentions into further reasons to be depressed.
On the other hand…….if you saved just one lost soul…….this would make your poem truly profound………the highest compliment I can offer to any other poet. In any event I do think it is a great write.
Peace,
~RJ~
Edited on Sep 12, 12:05 because ''. -
Hi Mark,
After reading the the beginning "content" of what the contest holder was asking for, I can understand why you would be so very upset by it. It is something I probably would have reacted to similarly - I was only writing to the above person - and I never read all the entries, only yours. It has some absolutely valid points, and, of course, expressed with the typical "Mark" artistry, which is always great.
I hope you're doing great!
Kerry -
I hear what you're saying, I've been on both sides of the fence, and I honestly don't think this is a helpful poem for the cutter, the very depressed, the suicidal, the person in such terrible pain that this is something they resort to as a way to relieve such internal pressure that there is just no other option to them at the moment that they choose to cut. Believe me, I know what that pressure feels like. At that moment, it becomes a choice between life and death for some, and believe it or not (for Mark), cutting sometimes, in a paradoxical way, actually represents choosing life over death, and at that moment it feels like the only way possible to stay alive.
For all you young people in pain who cut because of such internal pressure, keep plugging on with the help of friends, try not to take things into yourself too much, and take care of each other, learn to love yourselves, and not let other people's opinions hurt you so much. I'm sure you've heard it a thousand times - what you "should" and "shouldn't" be doing... It's terrible, the worst sort of darkness, but you can and will get through to the light. There are people out there who care. Our feelings of love and compassion are floating out in the universe toward you. Try to hold on to the kindnesses you've experienced and not let other people affect you too much.
Kerry
(Sorry if I offended, Mark, but I felt another side of the story should be represented by someone who has been there and can articulate a bit on what it's like.) -
didnt like it at all
hmm... my friend sent this to me to read.. i need to ask her why later..
you have gotten so many applauds.. and i have yet figure why.. i dont find this to be worth applause at all.. sorry, but i believe in honesty... just because something is one way for you, dosent mean that it applies for anyone else.. i know what i and a lot of my friends are going through, and i know that what you have suggested does nothing. in fact, i know that many times, it has hurt people more.. before you say you didnt suggest anything, you did.. wether it was on purpose or not. i suggest that next time you write something like this you keep it to yourself because, believe it or not, this "poem" could make someones life worse than it already is..
oh, and just cuz your older dosent mean that you know anything at all.. im just 16, and i have helped more than 20 people through what could have eaisly became life threateing. i know, 20 isnt a big number, but i think that i have done a lot..
sorry if this offended you, but you didnt seem to care if you offended anyone with this..
Edited on Sep 11, 7:04 p.m. because 'i added more..'. -
AMEN!
Bravo! As a succinct writer myself, I'm not usually fond of epics, but you kept me fully engaged on this one. You have spelled it out, in as detailed and accurate a way as it could possibly be done. This really needed to be said, and you've covered it from A to Z.
The one thing we have absolute control over, is our attitude. And everyone has a choice.
~ Gennelle
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AWESOME
this is an awesome awesome poem!!!!!! i love it so much im 16 and it describes whats all around me this is perfect i might print it this is just great good job!!!!!! -
This was fantastic!!! I loved it. It was so realistic and true. I have a lot of poems about cutting and suicide too. I've been there, done that. But what you said was really true. It is sad. But I've gotten better. And it was hard work, but much worth it. Great job. And my recent poems about cutting/suicide are fictional or about the past. Well great job and I can't wait to read some more of your work!!!! Thanks for sharing!! Keep writing. By the way, I'll be bookmarking this if you don't mind.
Love
Amelia
<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3
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A much needed read!!
Wow, Mark!! Life may be short, but your poem sure aren't...lol!!
I like your message, though...it's one that should be spread throughout allpoerty, for sure. I've only been on here in earnest for a few weeks, and already I've read enough suicidal poems to make me leap right along with 'em.
I can see why you're not overly drawn to haiku...how would you fit your sensibilities in only three lines? That would be a trick...haha!! Hmmmmm...
dark poerty
online muse out of control
seeking answers
Might work? I'll have to think on it for a while...:^)
Thanks for the good write!!
joshua -
EXCELLENT!
Holy **** Dude i wish i could ryme like you! Its so long and the rymes are perfect! i swear after i finished it i stared at the screen for like 10 extra minutes!
very good poem though aside the ryming it speaks the truth of how people hurt themselves and how that just makes it worse! Great work and keep up with your writing you should become pro! -
I guess I kind of have two different reactions to this poem.
First, I think that it was really well thought out and it is beautifully written. It also has some great points and they explain theirselves well.
But, at the same time, I kind of have to disagree to some parts in a way. You see, I have always treated my parents with respect and I get good grades and take care of my sister and have a part time job. And for what? We live in a two bedroom apartment in the projects of West Bend. But, even though I respect my parents, my father is still always walking out on my mom whenever they get into a fight and whatever.
I mean, I'm not complaining at all. I KNOW that I have it better than some people around the world. But you kind of have to live in the situation to truly understand it.
But, as for the cutting, I totally agree with what you said. The only thing is that, the main reason that people cut theirselves if they have abusive parents or whatever else is to control their own pain. It's kind of hard to explain.
But, I never did truly understand the whole cutting thing, because I never cut myself, so I shouldn't be saying anything bad or mean.
I do seriously hate when people cut theirselves for attention, God, it's so annoying.
And the whole thing about disrespecting your parents and treating your friends good. Yeah, I agree with that. I hate when I see people talk back to their parents if they're only trying to help them with something. But hey, everybody has talked back to their parents more than once in their lives.
Hmmm, one more thing-people who actually are clinically depressed, CANNOT help how they feel. Even with the medication. My mom is considered clinically depressed and she's well, insane, I guess you could say. I love her and all, and I know how hard she has it, with always trying to control her emotions and not take it out on me and my sister.
And you really can't control your life all the time...not if you're amish. Seriously, they like brainwash those people. Of course, I'm not critisizing them or anything...but anyway...overall, I think it is a good poem and has some great points and was actually quite inspirational for me. I just started highschool and people are so cruel to the Freshman!
But, yeah, I think you're a great writer and should seriously keep writing. I just had a few disagreements with this particular poem and I'm the type of person to speak my mind. So, great work, anyway!
Oh, and you could probably get it published if you entered a contest or something. I just got one of mine published in a book for the American Poets Society. I'm sure there's a lot of places that would willingly publish your poem.
-Ashley K. Loomans -
Oh my! This is wonderful. So many points you have covered here. I see I'm pretty late at getting around to reading it but I'm here now. This is amazing. I applaud the fact that you entered it into this contest. That's exactly where it needed to be. This is wonderful. When I first came to AP, I read a lot of angst, sad, etc stuff because quite honestly I was kind of in there with them. I was so upset though at all the children on here, posing as adults so they could read the grown up stuff and all the talk about cutting....sheeeesh. It just tormented my soul all the more. Writing is a great vent, it pulled me out of my depression but as you said, while you are screaming from your dark soul, you must look for the light or it will never end. This is just awesome. I think I could continue writing this comment all night but I won't do that to ya . Very good job and it's about time someone said something about all this. You definately have my applaud!
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Tecohe,
Thanks for reading this opus. lol
I tried to check out that link but it didn't work for me. Are you sure it's correct?
Mark -
Great view and poem. check out website of Artistheloingartists.org.
They are having a contest!
Tecohe -
Hi Rj,
Thanks for that response. I think you hit the nail right on the head. I wrote plenty of depressing poems when I was young, too. Looking back, I honestly don't think they helped me. They only kept me stuck. One of the major epiphanies of my life was when I realized I was addicted to conflict and misery and that my own negativity was keeping me there more than anything anyone else had ever done to me.
On the self-pity subject, I often think of Victor Frankl's story. He wrote a book called Man's Search for Meaning. He was a holocaust survivor who lost everything - family, money, health, property, etc. He escaped a Nazi concentration camp by climbing onto a carriage and hiding among dead bodies. The carriage was taking them to a mass grave outside the camp grounds. He was so emaciated, he looked like a corpse so nobody noticed him lying there on all the other ones. He was thrown into the hole and other bodies were thrown on top of him. After the soldiers left, he climbed out and walked through the woods until he found a small cabin. The people living there took him in and hid him until the war was over. Later, he wrote a book about that experience and said, ""Everything can be taken from a man but the last of the human freedoms - to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way."
If he can feel that way after losing literally everything to the Nazi's, there's hope for anyone.
Thanks again,
Mark -
i think this was a well thought out and well written poem. whoever takes offence perhaps needs to reevalutae things? I also have written a poem that strikes deep and it was just something people needed to see
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you may not have won the trophy for this one but look at all those applause and views! it is obvious that this is something many agree with and appreciate. you reached a lot of people with your insights. this is a winner.
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Hi Mark,
Certainly I did not find your poem morbid. I was looking for a politically correct word for those depressing writes about cutting etc, that were the subject of your poem.
Some people have good reason for their suffering. On the other hand, most teens are simply making the transition from being the center of their parent’s universe to becoming insignificant in the grand scheme of things. And they are not happy about it. After all they are going from being cared for 24 by 7 to a world where absolutely no one cares and most likely few ever will. To add to this, young people seem to be predisposed to unhappiness and discontent. Well, maybe, we all are. But as adults, we have learned to deal with it and take control of our own minds and emotions.
All in all, most people survive the transition. In most cases I actually believe that the authors of the rants and depressing writes get a healthy catharsis from their writing. It is likely that regardless of what we say, those who follow in our footsteps will need to learn, what we already know, for themselves. Maybe your poem will help some of the depressives to pull themselves together a
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