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"The nature of sex" Haiku




blushing trees drop leaves

scarlet fires dance on flesh

rapture scorches air

Author notes

Just my take on the subject.  I hope you like it.  Patti
Written September 5th, 2004

In a list

A contest entry

What did you think

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments

1 - 5 of 5
  • Purge The Holy
    February 17, 2005
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    Wow. This is the best haiku I've ever read. I think I commented on another haiku a few days ago, saying the same thing... but this is my NEW favorite haiku... haha. Great writing.

    PURGE ZE HOLEH


  • Xx Alice xX
    September 10, 2004
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    Simplicity is what a haiku is all about, beauty in few words and you did it beautifully.


  • cvillelisa
    September 7, 2004
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    very lovely .. i adore the imagery of trees becoming naked when losing their leaves .. this is a beautiful scene. thank you so much for entering.

    peace,
    lisa

  • oneluckygirl
    September 6, 2004
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    I truly like the way you combine the two diverse themes here - a sense of the sensuality of nature juxtaposed against the human world.

    (did laugh as it took me a bit to stop reading rapture as rupture due to the first vowel sound of blush that I kept wanting to repeat - even if it ruined the entire image... lol. Thank heavens you didn't have that same problem.)

    Best of luck in the contest.
    Jane

  • el desdichado
    September 5, 2004
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    Hmmm, I definately like this combo...nature...sex. There's definately a lot of possibilities in that. Both topics have such emotional backgrounds in them...a lot of wood there to burn, you could say. Whole forests, really. There's just so much to talk about. As for this poem in particular, you definately use both topics, and intertwine them to their tightest, most dizzying degree...I love it. Haikus are great for this kind of writing. You just don't waste any time or space whatsoever. Every single syllable counts, quite literally. You did a good job here of following the traditional structure of 5-7-5, while not making the poem awkward or clumsy. A very smooth, elegant piece. The first line sets the scene, the second line gives the main action, and the third line just closes everything like a vise, and yet also opens things up...I love how haikus work their magic. ~EL d

1 - 5 of 5