And the spectre of death
rode into that town
he was the pale rider
he wore a strange frown
He was the stranger
looking for that restful manger
to lay his cold guns down
and merge into the town
But there was always one better
to claim the bounty letter
and they would only attack
to shoot him in the back
The stranger felt the eyes
that did terribly despise
a click of a gun
and a bullet that would outrun
Although hit in the shoulder
managed to reach the boulder
turn and fire fast
and hit the attacker at last
Death smiled as he reaped another one
by the speed of his revolver or gun
i have no time to rest in this plain
there are too many trying to gain
There ain't no holiday on pain or death
while i am still able to take a breath
no vacations for me here
in this wild, west, lawless, town frontier
So he merged into the shadows of the town
only to be sighted when another is to be gunned down
no holiday here for death or his warm gun
i have this place for my playground, just to have fun
As the sun set over the frontier town
the good they are sleeping, not hanging around
death looks for victims in the bars and the whore tents
on his lust for partners, he has no relent
The cold headstones belie his trade
a makeshift coffin as his balustrade
no shortage of souls to embrace
death never needs to cover his face
Author notes
I based this poem on an Eastwood movie called Pale Rider, was the stranger really death?
As it happens, Death needs no formal introductions and this town could be anywhere on this veil of tears.
Written September 4th, 2004
In a list
A contest entry
- Cowboy Poetry by Maybe Anastasia.
390 points, ended March 16, 2007, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The Last Rider by Glasyalabolas.
700 points, ended October 7, 2007, 4 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 18 of 18
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this is great and can see why you took gold
Pale Rider was one of my favorite shows of Eastwood
Riftkin -
Well written and it tells a great tell. Very evocative of not only Pale Rider, as mentioned in the Author's Notes, but very much pins down the feel of the darker Westerns.
Good write and congrats on gold.
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I like the story. Pale Rider is one of my favorite Eastwood movies. I think the poem could be made stronger if the same rhyme scheme and meter is used throughout. Still, a good read.
Rory -
Wow, everyone here is so good at doing critiques, I am kind of bashful about doing this - it is my first time! But, anyway, I like this poem and I love the last 2 lines.
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I never saw that movie , but your poem says alot....I had to read it a couple of times and my imagination possibly figured out abit about the movie , but even without that that the poem stands well on it's own
Reenie
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This is a nice poem with good flow and layout. It had a good story line, although I have never seen the film "pale rider". But, I don't think I need to have seen it as the imagery was great. Kate
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this is a very good write. With a grand story base. The only thing that I did not like were the And's in the fist and second stanza. It took away from the impact of this. otherwise i think it is wonderful. keep up the great writting
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I liked the subject as well. Western and Death mixed...you made it sound awesome. Great rhyming too. I look forward to reading more of your stuff. Ecellent job!
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Yeah a Western excellent - death too - not needing to cover his face - you capture the coldness of killing without reason
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I enjoyed the subject. Have you read Stephen Kings Dark Tower series? You would probably enjoy them, particularly the first one: The Gunslinger. I enjoyed the imagery in this poem as well. As for the form... well, I think the poem would bennefit from more a more consistent rhyme scheme and meter.
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Awesom
I really like this...its deep and emotional...not something you read about every day...thats always nice. I like the rhyming...personaly I have no rhyming talent so I envy those that do...keep up the awesom work
-katie -
I very much liked the subject matter, different!
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all of ure poems are GREAT. I love this one, and theres really nothing else to say. It's just perfect like all ure other stuff is lol Keep it up!
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The first two lines grabbed my attention. I was instantly intrigued to learn more about this specter.
I feel here the flow is disrupted.
“and he was the pale rider
and he wore a strange frown,”
Suggestion:
“he was the pale rider
who wore a strange frown.”
In my opinion it flows more smoothly that way.
In stanza four the meter is disturbed, in my opinion. You go from having a very short line in the third line of stanza four, to having a long end line. I think if you made line 3 a bit longer to flow in with line 4 it would be more smoothly and maintain its consistency.
Same thing in stanza five, with lines 3 & 4.
I feel the last stanza was the best. The wording is the most intense, the rhyming most creative and the meter is consistent. I think if you tried to compact your lines to be close to the same number of syllables it would make for a stronger poem.
I really like the subject and how you have detailed it. It reminds me of a book I just read, about a man who went after 7 outlaws who murdered his family while he was away fighting in the civil war. He hunted them down and murdered them to pay for murdering his family.
I enjoyed reading and I hope my suggestions can help. If not, I hope I have not offended in any way!
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Good Job.
I can't explain why, but the rhymes didn't sound right, but i enjoyed the poem, wholly. -
That movie was the first thing to come to mind as I read the first stanza.
I feel that the rhyme here and there is forced a bit much, but not bad. -
This was really great! You did a great job with the rhyming too. I look forward to reading more of your work soon.
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i really liked this poem i enjoyed reading it, it makes me wonda bout death and how it may end up... peace \m/
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