You know, life is one big joke
when you're a tiny, little dog;
being a shrimp, a pipsqueak,
not much bigger than a frog.
Other dogs just laugh at me
when I go out for a walk,
and though I'm very far below,
I can hear the people talk.
"What an ugly, little rat!", they say.
And "Hey, Yo Quiero Taco Bell!
If I could talk like that dog does,
I'd tell them all to go to hell.
Very funny, God! I'm laughing here.
Could You have made me any shorter?
I mean, look at me for cryin' out loud!
I'm like a rat with a nervous disorder!
And if all this isn't bad enough,
what does my master do to me?
Dresses me up in silly clothes!
And my girlfriend too, ChiChi!
ChiChi was all I had going for me.
Now she thinks I'm just a fool!
And yesterday, I caught the bitch
making out with a big pit bull!
He was on a chain so I said to him,
"Hey, that's my girl, you ugly mutt!"
But the chain was not connected.
Man, he really kicked my butt.
The final remnant of my pride is gone.
I must thank you, master, very much!
The humiliating hat was just perfect!
And the straws were a real nice touch!
If Butch the bulldog at the corner
ever sees this photograph of me,
it won't even be safe anymore
to go outside and have a pee!
So master, please, I'm begging you,
stop making my life so rough.
When you're only seven inches tall,
believe me, life is hard enough!
Author notes
Written September 3rd, 2004
In a list
A contest entry
- ~Taco Dogs~ (Contest) by candy177.
300 points, ended September 20, 2004, 9 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 74 of 74
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Brilliant
Oh I so loved this one, I love anything about dogs. It was so cleverly written I really am impressed.
Was this is a comp? and it didn't win gold? INEQUITABLE! -
what a freaking bitchy poem!!!...it was something which our class guys could relate to their experiences! -
The dog really says, "Quiero cojer su pierne"
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Hysterical!
Oh goodness this is hilarious! Not much else can be said, thanks for the laugh. Well done.
Edited on Sep 27, 5:14 p.m. because ''. -
Absolutely brilliant - to entertain and make people laugh is such a wonderful gift and you have really done that with this fabulous poem - I love it TOPs
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This was a blast to read. I think when I see dogs in attire that their owners just have too much time on their hands.
Thanks for the laugh-ya done good~vj -
Believe me, you were a wonderful spokesperson for the poor dogs. I empathize with them totally though I am not at all a dog lover. Some dog-owners go to ridiculous lengths to dress up their dogs. A dog in a polo neck shirt will be as comfortable as a man/woman covered in shaggy hair. If dogs could speak our language, they would have represented their case as eloquently as you did .
krishna -
perfecto
Yay! This is great! So funny..a brilliant poem my friend. A light but fantastic poem, great job. Best of luck in the contest and all that. "You know, life is one big joke
when you're a tiny, little dog;
being a shrimp, a pipsqueak,
not much bigger than a frog." Great comparison..ahaha...frogs...this made me smile mucho.
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LOL! if i had any applauses left- u'd get one for sure! this is so funny- i love love love it. and the picture is so great as well!
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hillarious
Absolutely brilliant!!! And oh so funny!!! The only advantage these little guys have is looking up the ladies skirts! Or pant legs if they are girls! That is unless they're Scotts!!!
~Michelle~
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This is just too funny lol, I loved it. You had me laughing all the way through it. Very ceative idea to write the poem in the eyes of a little dog. Your form was excellent as well, you kept the rhyming scheme going alone very nicely, which helped with the flow. There are so many wonderful lines from here that I wish to quote, just the whole entire poem was perfect. I think one of my favorite lines though out of many was:
"Very funny, God! I'm laughing here.
Could You have made me any shorter?
I mean, look at me for cryin' out loud!
I'm like a rat with a nervous disorder!"
Thank you very much for the laugh, keep on writing. -
!ME GUSTA MUCHO! What a cute poem. It was very funny and the pics were entertaining. I've written a poem from a dogs perspective too and it was a lot of fun. Keep up the great work and the creative writing. I agree with "Mr. Commander" This would go well in a humor contest. hehe. I think I shall give you applause!!!!!!!
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Must say I enjoyed this bit of doggerel even though i disagree that seven inches is laughable!
Hey, somebody has to take up for the small dogs and i can't think of a better spokeman....nicely done, Mark!!
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Hahahahahaha!!! Excellent!! I used to have a chihuahua and it was so great! This was an amazingly funny piece, I would give it 9.7 out of 10. I really loved the part with the pit bull as well as the silly clothes. Props to you for this piece! If it hasn't been in a humor contest yet, it's definitely where it belongs!!
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bravo
aw this was so cute and very funny. i loved reading it because it was light and it came from a different point of view which made it even more creative. wonderful job!! brilliant, keep it up, and always keep writing! great job -
very diffrent.. never looked at it from that p.o.v., i just always felt sorry for the,.. so yeah.. very funny tho.. i really liked it..
jess -
lmfao... this made me smile... this made me smile much, this is just freakin funny!!!!!!! lol, i love it.. interesting concept.. you have one wierd imagination though
hehe, the picture was a nice touch, and incorperating it into the poem was just good work
keep up the funny ones
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Brilliant, hilarious poem... though, I must confess. I hate Chihuahuas... I DO think they look like rats... especially when wet... but you did make me feel pity for them and sort of see from their point of view... that pit bull... that tart ChiChi. (: Nice write, and I hope to read more by you soon.
Keep writing, Miji -
omg...this was so funny. Thank you so much for the laugh...I really needed it tonight! You have captured the essence of frustration expressed by small breed dogs...maybe you should write a second one where the dog pees on the master's leg. Great job!
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Take a bow "wow" Mark!!!
Dear Mark,
Great, funny jaunt here Mark! I'm sitting here trying to figure out which one is chichi! No matter, this was absolutely hilarious. Writing poems makes you kind of sore sometimes and this was exactly the balm that was needed just now.
Nice to see you're so versatile.
Yo quiero mas like this!
Be well!
John -
teeeheeeheee. the ChiChi stanza is especially amusing. the stanza to God is also hilarious- i can almost see him shaking his paw at the sky. lol
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hahahah omg this is sooooo funny!!!! ive never heard a poem from a dog's perspective before and the way you made this turn out made me laugh sooo hard! hahahahah, damn good stuff!
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This was absolutely charming and humourous. I loved this to pieces. And I read the entire thing with the accent of the Taco Bell dog. For some reason, I find that accent to be very sensual and mysterious. You made this poem brilliant with a reality of a dog, that it sounds like everyday normal life for a dog to be dressed up and having problems like humans. Great work here. Loved it all!!!
Abby Eyeball
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Oh no! The poor little dog thing.
I say he calls the canine A-Team, and they can fashion some kind of tank from chew toys and bits of mauled up furniture, and get medieval on that pit bulls ass.
Damn the people who dressed that dog like that, damn them to, well, somewhere not very nice. Not sure if it's a crime heinous enough to deserve the flaming pits of hell, but maybe the slightly warm floor of hell instead.
have a monkey
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LOL I think the Taco Bell dog is a cutie!! But then again I suppose it's cause I can sympathise with him being so short since I am short myself. Us short people/dog have to zstick together ya, know I love that picture. Thank you, yet again, for the giggles.
Midnight Lace
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You are a genius!!! I laughed my ass off!
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Caliente
Haha, first rate. I laughed out loud at the line involving using the gift of speech to condemn annoying humans to go to hell. Quite great. -
Oy Quiero More!!
You are a funny, funny man!! An one twisted sense of humor...maybe that's why we get along so well :3
Thanks for makin' me laugh, yet again...lol!! -
Oh my gosh, this is hilarious! And that picture is too cute, great job!
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So cute, I needed a laugh, ty very much.
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I had an involuntary smile after the first stanza. This is good. I like you.
Hope you win.
Katie
Edited on Sep 06, 2:42 p.m. because 'typo'. -
LOL Mark "I'm like a rat with a nervous disorder," actually made me LOL. I best keep it down so as not to wake my daughter or my poetry readin' time will be cut short!
love the pic too. I have a Chihuahua and a Daushund (sp) and the daushund is short and so fat she waddles!
Thanks for the much needed chuckle
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good
This is so funny. You made some really ood points.
God bless you
Rose
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Of course! I was trying to figure out why your username was so familiar! lol I hope things are going better with the situation you wrote about. Nothing tears at the heart more than a mother and child being kept apart.
I agree about contests. It definitely brings out the best in people. I guess I had a hard time judging mine because I wasn't judging who could throw a shotput the furthest or something concrete like that. Poems are much harder to judge because there's something worthwhile in all of them. In the end, I based my decision on who made me feel the most emotionally, and who made me forget I was reading. It's like a good movie director or a bad one - With a bad director, you know you're watching a movie the whole time. With a good one, you forget it's a movie and become immersed in it. The same is true of poetry, or any creation, don't you think?
Since that contest was about travel, adventure, etc., I also based my decision on whose story was the most exotic and Indiana Jones-ish. lol
Yikes, it's 1:00 in the morning. I better toddle off to bed. lol
Thanks for getting the wheels spinning. Have a happy Labor Day!
Mark
Edited on Sep 06, 3:03 because ''. -
Right - no, I understand it's not an excuse. I just hadn't thought about that before - I read through it again and found that if I just changed the accentuation a tad, it flowed very nicely. I try to keep my lines (for humor poems) along the same number of syllables, so that way you don't end up with the 10/73 syndrome. I know - I entered your contest! (Mine was the journal-type story...) First and LAST? Oh...but contests are so much fun! You know, losing contests can have a positive effect - sometimes you try harder and put more effort into the next contest you enter!
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Hey Purple,
Thanks! It's nice to hear from you again. We don't cross paths around here too often these days. I hope all is well with you. Glad you liked this.
Mark -
Hey TINM,
Thanks! The pic was provided by the holder of this contest. It is hilarious, though slightly heartbreaking to see dogs with enough problems humiliated like that. haha I'm glad this gave you a few laughs.
Mark -
No problem. I didn't mean to sound like I was making excuses. Sometimes meter is waaaaayy off, too, like when there's only 10 syllables in one line and 73 in the next. lol But if the lines are close to equal in length, I find that the meter can flow with a slight change in emphasis. Anyway, good luck judging this one. I had my first (and last - lol) contest a while back and it was very difficult to judge. Then of course, I wanted to give the gold to everyone. I hate to think of anyone going home trophy-less. haha
Take care,
Mark
Edited on Sep 06, 2:45 because ''. -
You know, for some reason, I never thought of it that way before! Good point...it depends on the reader. Thanks for bringing that to my attention!
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Hey,
Yeah, meter is always tricky. It can sound perfect to one reader and off to another, depending on which vowels they emphasize while reading it. Thanks for the input. I'm glad it gave you a laugh, anyway.
Mark -
LOL very cute - love the title! The meter kind of tripped me up here and there, but overall it wasn't bad. My favorite part was the "Yo quiero Taco Bell" of course! Thanks for entering and good luck!
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I am laughing my ass off! this is fricking hillariouse. I loved this and I am sure you will do well in this contest..You always seem to crack me up
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This was an honest to goodness crack up! I really like the sense of humor you expressed in this. I especially loved the part about the bulldog. Priceless.
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ha ha ha! THis is such a funny poem. Not many people do humurous poems, but you've definitely got talent for it! That picture of the dogs is also very hilarious and reading each line and then looking up at the picture really makes it all fit together! keep writing humorously, you've got a knack for it!
~BalconyRose -
Great!
Wow! I was feeling down.. that poem brought a smile to my face.. I twas amusing and flowed very well! Off to see if you have anymore poems to read... Great write! and pics of doggy LOL.... -
ahahahahahahaah! I LOVE THE PICTURE!!!! and this poem is so wonderful
sweet charming and not to mention HILARIOUS
wow we need more uplifting funny stuff like this here on AP great job hahaha im still laughing from that picture!
thanks for sharing!
keep it up
keep writing
-->there is no me<-- -
This is a charming poem and the picture is hilarious. There weren't too mayn images, but that is okay. Keep up the good work, and continuewriting.
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This was so awesome. Very, very funny, Iam still laughing at it. I even read it twice. And the picture is perfect!!!Good luck in the contest! From ASmileIs4Ever2
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This is so fun! What a great rhyme! I love that the speaker is the dog, so cute! A truly enjoyable read!
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this is soooo cute! You had me laughing from the start to the end. Great write. Keep it up and good luck in the contest.
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lol omg you had me laughing so damned hard. well done. i love dogg, but ankle bitters irk me. you wrote a damn good poem! funny as hell! great picture as well. here is a funny one i wrote if you don't mind looking http://allpoetry.com/poem/796013
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Mark,
This is a cute but funny write. I enjoyed this. i used to have a dog like this, and her name was Tiny. They are ugly and cute little dogs. You done a great job here...
Much luck to you in the contest.
Tammy
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damn chihuahuas
dude.. that was awesome.. good work homes.. PEace -
cuatro estrellitas****
Dear Mark,
Very comical satire! We had a chihuahua for many years, and have to admit that we put a hat or two on him!
Given their disposition and temperament, if they were a much
larger dog, they could give the mastiff a run for the money.
Very cleverly composed. Bet it made many of us laugh!
Good post!
John-Las Vegas -
very funny write from the dog's point of view!
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Nice work...lol!
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LOL. This is great I love this! You did an awesome job with the wording. Thanks for sharing and always keep writing! ~Karli~
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I LOVE it!! Very cute
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lol lol lol lol...this is great
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I LOVE this! I'm still giggling- great write
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hehehe, I really liked this. Well done.
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he knows what his poem says... stop point grabbing.
anyways, i love chihuahaus, the taco bell dog is great. this poem is hilarious. i always have a soft spot of funny poems. good job.
Edited on Sep 03, 2:07 p.m. because ''. -
Very, very giggle-worthy.
And my little girlfriend too, Fifi!
...chihuahuas are always funny. Pint-sized dogs are always funny. And you did a great job in showing that. The rhymes are great, the story is wacky and painted in big, broad colors...I loved it. This is the best funny I've read today. Very, very giggle-worthy. I warn readers who have clicked on this...tape your sides--they WILL split. -
I need to make a mental note NOT to read your stuff while I am work. laughed so hard the whole department just stared. This was soooooo funny!!!!! I just love Chihuahuas.
Anna -
:)
this is a truly hilarious write... thanks for sharing... this made my day... keep on writing... keep on being... keep on making art... penumbrapoet -
split my ends laughing!!
i havent read something that funny in a long while...lol , this was the treat of the day..if i were to judge the contest..i would close it ..and give u the first prize.wonderfull piece.thanks for sharing this.. -
Five inches...... no wonder the dog is pissed! Lol.... that is a low mark by "any standard"....... lol
Don -
What a perfectly fitting piece to have clicked on this morning. You have added an extra measure of sunshine to my day. I couldn't stop giggling. What a great way to relieve a little stress. This is the perfect prescription for a frustrating or sad day. Excellent writing as always. You have a great eye for details and a true talent for giving so much to everything you write. I enjoy reading your work. Thanks for the much needed giggles.
Edited on Sep 03, 12:05 because ''. -
A rat with a nervous disorder! What a riot. It's mid day around here and so many people have left work to enjoy the three day weekend. It was nice to get a laugh like this in all the quietness. When I see the name of Mark Rickerby in a featured item I automatically click.
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Me gusta this. Life is not easy when one has to suffer the idiosyncrasies of the mankind.
krishna -
Thanks Deb,
You needed a good laugh? I hope everything is okay. Feel free to IM me if you need a pal to talk to.
Mark -
Hi Mariza,
First again! It must be because I'm always up in the middle of the night over here in California when it's morning in Belgium, huh? That and you're the best friend a person could have, of course.
I'm glad you enjoyed this. It does my heart good to think of you laughing.
Mark
Edited on Sep 03, 12:53 because ''. -
Hilarious and very well done, as well.
Oh my gosh. I'm wipin' tears out of my eyes, fercryinoutloud! Whew. I can just see this poor little mutt. I used to have a chihuahua and she was the toughest thing on four paws. But, then, I never dressed her in silly clothes either. That has to be demoralizing. Thanks for this one. You wouldn't believe how much I needed a good laugh.
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Lol!!! I really thought to read a poem written in Spanish
This was hilarious Mark, even with a dog as central character your poems are just too funny! Poor little thing, must suffer as hell!
Very creative and very amusing!
Kisses and love,
Mari
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