Fluttered
velvet petal throbs
pull the pulsing proboscis
to nectar's release.
Author notes
Written September 1st, 2004
In a list
A contest entry
- Nature, Sex & Haiku by cvillelisa.
300 points, ended September 7, 2004, 12 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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THis sucked! It was terrible!! I hated it?! Where are you getting this crap?!?!
jus' kiddin'.
There were so many nice things I jus had to spoil it. Wonderful images. I usually would say that about a Haiku only because usually you can't put too much imagery into three lines. You did it wonderfully. And because haikus are so demanding of syllables, their hard to critique unless it's on spelling and I think you've got that down. Obviously you don't use much punctuation in your poems. Try to in your next poem.
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congratulations . . i thought you were in the running
well done again
mike -
i adore this .. have it bookmarked.
thank you so much for entering .. it is a winner in all the right ways, my dear!
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and then you woke up.
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I like this one very much! Subtle, sexy and with a wonderful imagery!
Well done! Good luck in everything you do!
Mari
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*snaps*
This is amazing and so sensual, so true to what they want. Maybe I should have read this before entering so that my hopes would not be broken, because I wouldn't have enetered! It is truely wonderful and I applaud you greatly.
-DafT- -
nature, sex and haiku huh. Well this sums that um so...perfectly its just...yummy (for a lack of better words and a lack of spelling) Well i have to say lovely work, you gave me the shivers
ZIGGY -
Oh yes, this tells it all! Deliriously sensual! Elementary my dear Watson. Keep on writing these gems. I'll have to see what else you have up your sleeve!
Sherlock -
Excellent!
Very nice, with excellent... duality! I enjoyed this very much.
To David, (hello!)
The wonderful thing about haiku, lies not in the few words that are written, but in the volumes that are not... the 'meal' is often served in what is left 'unsaid'. That's one of the things that makes writing haiku an excellent challenge!
~smile~
Good luck in this contest, oneluckygirl! Lovely haiku!
My warm regards,
Serenem
Edited on Sep 03, 8:58 because 'for clarity'. -
Excellent sensations, leaving some to the imagination, which is very, very, good. Good luck!
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. . hard to beat . .
excellent -
WOW!!! Very good.. it really makes you think about what your reading!!!
~SARA~ -
Dear Jane,
Really???
Edited on Sep 01, 10:01 p.m. because ''. -
Very delicately penned. Nice job. Good luck in the contest. I agree - it's perfect. Hugs, Irene
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Perfect entry.
Good luck.
p -
My personal opinion is that all haikus are on the nose! But that's just me. Fed a pretzil when you really yearned a meal. That said, this is a very sensual bit of writing. Had it really been sex, someone would now be having a quite glare, muttering, Is that it?
David
Edited on Sep 01, 6:34 p.m. because ''.
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