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The Damned Lovers' Sentence

A black and white cascade brings the mysterious night back into it's shadows.
Even though the invisible tears that drench her cheeks illuminate an eerie glow.
It's hard for her to hold it in as she watches the painting of perfection in her eyes walk away.
Knowing that nothing she can say will ease the pain of each footstep hitting the pave and letting more space come between them.
Nothing she can say will make her savior stay.
And this fence pressed against her skin is all thats keeping her from running after her.
'They don't understand us. But I do, and I love you.'
Whispered words that echo through the bars.
Pale eyes glared out in the distance and blonde hair streaked the screen.
The hair she braided and unbraided with hushed memories of their secret life told and untold again.
It all was shades of gray again without her blossom in her sight.
All the while repeating a mantra 'I have to let her go, I have to.'
They suffered the cruel abuse together but it felt like there was little suffering at all.
She dug the hole under this fence and rationed her food to inmates if they swore they wouldn't tell.
And they didn't, secretly she wished they would have.
She packed the bag for her love that night, the homemade perfume, a gift, the woven wool shawl, another, her diary and letters, irreplaceable.
She kept one close to her heart with a locket and picture to remember what or rather who she was living for.
It all happened so suddenly at the stroke of midnight while the dogs were put to sleep for the night.
And she was gone, like that, a kiss through the gate and an empty promise and she was gone, with a click of her broken heal on the concrete.
Pale eyes reflected in the distance and the color had faded to black with a hint of white.
'I'll always remember you,'  still lingered on her tounge,
a speachless disaster, a color blind catasrophe.
In a whirlwind of winter bitter sweet-nothings.

Author notes


Written August 30th, 2004

A contest entry

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    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments


  • Hamsandwich
    September 15, 2004
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    excellent poem. I'm speechless.WOW just wow!

    Luch Muck.
    KAT!

  • Haunted Soul
    September 11, 2004
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    Wow this was really nice and I enjoyed reading it alot I just hope u enjoy reading my stuff as i did urs


  • cubert
    September 11, 2004
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    Ok, wow, where to begin. I am a huge fan of free-verse, and this one has some brilliant moments, but I do have some questions...is she a prison guard in love with an inmate? Or is her man in the can? There are some parts that are a bit cliche, too, like pale eyes...but you save it from disaster with great lines like "colorblind catastrophe"...nice. Overall, I like the feeling, and the way you're trying to deliver it here, but it is far too wordy. The way it is written makes it difficult to follow the story you are telling here, which is unfortunate, because it seems interesting. I got some great visuals off of your words, I just think it needs to be condensed a wee bit. Well done!


  • zdmckay
    September 7, 2004
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    Very good. Thanks for taking the time to write this and thanks for entering. I really enjoyed it. zee