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Old Fashioned Sweet Shop(Come Right In)

A bar in the middle of the store
with stools that twirl

and candy that swirls.

Candycanes, jelly beans,

and gum drops galore

all in a clean bright

space with a
barbershop decor.

 

Chocolate malt,

root beer float,

a banana split

in a plastic boat:

always with a cherry,

and lots of whip cream and

loads and loads (and loads!) of ice cream;

enough to make anyone beam!

 

Shiny bright faces, munching

licorice of string shoe laces.

Eyes lit up, fingers poking around,

all for just a few pennies, to go to

the favorite place in town.

 

Old fashioned sweet shops

you don't see these anymore

my favorite visit with my grandpa:

the candy store





















Author notes

Love for my childhood, memories, and of course sweet stuff
This is based on a real place from my childhood, where you really could go, and buy candy for a penny, and a whole bag if you had 15 cents!!! And yes you got to twirl in those high stools- the funnest part! This didn't win a contest, but it is my absolute favorite poem I have ever written because it did exactly what I wanted it to. Instead of hitting full force with my own memories, I only gave hints to open up their imagination to their own, and it worked. And the comments made me laugh, choke up, and cry!

*HEY PEOPLE GOOD NEWS: THIS WON FOURTH PLACE IN DP ROBERTSONS CONTEST WHICH HAD 136 ENTRIES!!!!!!*
Written August 30th, 2004

Yes you may print it.

In a list

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 48 of 48

  • SweetNessaLynn
    July 11, 2008
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    Jasmine likes this one and she loves all sweets.

  • SweetNessaLynn
    July 9, 2008

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    Wow! This is great. Reminds me of a shop my dad use to tell me about that he went to when he was a kid. Thank you for entering.


  • Sensual Sapphire
    July 13, 2007

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    I forget where

    but there is a place that sells penny candy. Not as lovely as the one you describe but come on a penny? This shows a fondness that beams bright ribbons of love and nostalgia. Well done and thank you for entering.

  • Joancito
    July 7, 2007

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    A sweet poem, i am sure that you are a excellent person, great style, excellent work, good luck in the contest, who really know the true meaning of love?


  • quotidianaubergine
    September 9, 2005
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    The description is good and the poem is sweet.


  • DemolitionLover
    December 26, 2004
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    awww thanks for the comment hun!!!..ur so sweeeett...I <333 u!!... ^_~...i love ur poems and ur page...great job !


  • whispernthedark Greeters member
    October 26, 2004
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    This is such a sweet memory. For me, it was getting the green ice cream (lime sherbet) from Ehrler's with my pappaw when I was a kid. Beautifully remembered, thank you for entering the contest.

    ~whisper


  • onerios13
    October 6, 2004
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    Welllll...as much as I appreciated this little trip down memory lane, and of course the delicious reference to candy and malts (YUM!), I gotta agree with Ana...this piece would have been MUCH more powerful and poignant had you not focused so much on the decor of the shoppe instead of really fleshing out the moment you had with your grandpa. That was really what I liked and what I was looking for, but it just wasn't enough of it to make this super. I also realize that this was a personal moment for you, and for that, I did like it...BUT...again, there were blips of forced rhymes at the end of stanzas and just the idea of that long ago time wasn't enough to draw me into this very private moment.

  • Nicole Hanna
    October 6, 2004
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    Although it's a charming rhyme you've got going here, I couldn't find any real depth to grab a hold of. Perhaps that's just personal preference peeking through... that I enjoy the more personal writes. I enjoyed the line about "grandpa" and wish you had incorporated more of that relationship with him into the candy shop theme you had here. That might have added more of a touch of personal wonder to the piece. As it stands now, it's nice, but I just can't see myself there. Does that make sense?


  • September 20, 2004
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    sweet. makes me hungry. I wanna go make a banana split now. Well worth the click and the read.


  • Blackened Halo
    September 20, 2004
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    Really Wonderful piece, sorta makes me think of setting on a floating cloud in a clear blue sky. I love those old time candy shops


  • mendee86
    September 20, 2004
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    Wowzers - what wonderful memories this poem must bring back to people! Unfortunatly, I have to say my generation and others after me, unless incredibly lucky, probably never have or will see any sort of candy shoppe like the one depicted in your poem. It honestly made me think of Willy Wonka Lol. Mmm..and made me quite hungry for some candy. Congrats on winning!


  • Abby Eyeball
    September 20, 2004
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    This piece is actually brilliant. I love the picture that goes with it. It's so warm and familiar. This piece is like the golden-gleam of child/youth and the warm, fuzzy feeling of Christmas

    Spectacular piece!!!!

    Abby Eyeball


  • duana
    September 16, 2004
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    Thank you very much for your comment. I am so glad you enjoyed reading this, as much as I enjoyed writing it. I will look forward to future comments from you as I keep learning how to express myself through poetry. (And I don't know why, but Average seems to be everyone's favorite! It seems like the poems that flow from instinct are better than the times I try to consciously think through and write. Maybe one day an integration will happen and both will merge together.


  • dp robertson
    September 16, 2004
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    This is brilliant and as I said of one of Poetryality’s, it is like a Norman Rockwell painting. I think if Norman Rockwell could write he probably would have expressed it like this. This really is a wonderful slice of nostalgia and beautiful images. Unlike your other entry where the heart of the piece was really good but I thought, because of its strict structure you were forced to repeat lines that depleted its emotional power, the structure of this was spot on. It was an absolute delight to read from start to finish. Also it floats like a brightly lit boat on a very dark ocean of angst ridden entries. Thank you, this is right up with the best I have read and in the spirit of diversity demonstrates what a very good writer you are. I look forward to reading more of your stuff as I add you to my favourites.

    David

    By the way, “Average” is a great poem too- I’ve always liked it. I have liked your work for some time. Welcome to my favourites list.


  • LdyBrknWing gold member
    September 15, 2004
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    Awwwww...I loved this, girl! I have a few memories of a place like this from my childhood, too! You've brought back some "sweet" pictures to my mind, long forgotten! Too bad they're not still around; kids now don't have a clue what they missed! Thanks for this small peek back in time!
    Paula

  • toHATEistoHEAL
    September 8, 2004
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    love this poem, it's different from any i've ever read on here and it's just wonderful!


  • Zahhar gold member
    September 6, 2004
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    makes me think of a social-worker who used to take me out to baskin-robins when she was about to tell me some bad news about my status as a ward of the court and where the court was going to stick me next. the ice-cream was good, though. in fact, i developed quite an intense childhood craving for "comfort food" as a means of dealing with intense disappointment and anxiety. works pretty well--although too much tends to make me sick as an adult (damn!!).

    pleasent little piece of writing.


  • Queen Mab gold member
    September 5, 2004
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    That sounds wonderful. My mother collects antique candy jars. They're all over the house. But the candy in them is like, twelve years old.
    What a great memory.
    ~Bezoar


  • Sherry gold member
    September 3, 2004
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    Oh this is a wonderful read, and a treat to the eyes what a great memory you've shared with us its filled sweet for sure And to have those days with him.... I'm sure made it more special and priceless enjoyed this.. Sherry


  • megz
    September 3, 2004
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    wow i love this poem it puts a pcture of a candy bar in my head its a really great write and thansk so much for the cometn on my poem

  • picklesheep
    September 3, 2004
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    i enjoyed this poem very much. took me to a place i've never actually been, but have heard about from the older set.


  • Deke
    September 2, 2004
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    Hi Duana, This was really good; I loved it. Good luck in the contest!!!
    Damon D. Brewer


  • September 2, 2004
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    it so great to read poems that were inspired by peoples past. this was a very sweat write! i enjoyed the rymes! i hope to read more of your writes very soon! keep up the great writes.
    ~Fawn~

  • duana
    September 2, 2004
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    PoeticiPixie, yes it is my all time favorite poem that I have written, because it is the only poem(besides exchange between mother and daughter) that actually did what I wanted it to- it invoked memories and happiness in the readers.


  • WhitneyLee
    September 2, 2004
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    What an adorable poem!! I love it! I wish I could write about a candy store!! It was cute! I hope you had fun writing it.


  • April Renee
    September 1, 2004
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    a very enjoyable read...very nicely penned...the flow was smooth and easy to follow...ive never been to an actual sweet shop...but i have been to two candy houses...where the toostie rolls and bubble gum pieces were a penny a piece...i enjoyed that part tons..lol...again, nice job..enjoyed! goodluck in the contest

    ~*~Blu~*~


  • Trellis
    September 1, 2004
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    Great write!

    This is spectacular! It was nice to travel back in time. My mom told me she was in just such a place when the news came that Pearl Harbor had been bombed. There's a place that is like this in an historic mountain town nearby, except it doesn't have the candy. But it has all the ice cream concoctions and the stools at a counter that swivel around. It's always crowded inside. A fun place!


  • surerbad
    August 31, 2004
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    Very vivid. I could see the shop and smell all the candy and taste it as well. I just gained 50 pounds. Thank you so much... He he. This is very well written. I wish we had a place like this now... It would be so great. But we couldn't buy for a penny. Just the experience of sitting in the chair and watching someone making the floats, bana splits...... YUMMY. Good luck in the contest. I really enjoy reading about your childhood shop. Thanks for sharing


  • duana
    August 31, 2004
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    Hey yeah...I think my little girl in me took control of this write!!


  • Razors-Edge
    August 31, 2004
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    Yummy

    Wow! I have asmile that comes from the heart of the little boy that rests in this older man's body. You took my hand into a place of infinite innocence and happiness. I absolutely loved these words and images. You give me reason to grin and the urge to fill my bowl with ice cream!

  • duana
    August 31, 2004
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    Dream Gazer, your description with the tall glasses ect ect is exactly the same- I am glad this invoked those memories!

  • Karen Michelle
    August 31, 2004
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    Great

    Wow, wow, I would love to visit this store; it sounds wonderful. I loved the lines in your poem;
    'Chocolate malt,
    root beer float,
    a banana split
    in a plastic boat:'
    - banana splits are the best! This place which you have described reminds me very much of a cafe/bar in Scarborough (a seaside town in the UK) where they have those spinny stools and serve you milkshake in huge glasses with ice-cream floating on the top and all kinds of ice-scream sundaes. Very nice picture as well, by the way. Great work!

  • pozo
    August 31, 2004
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    Glad to see we entered the same contest I liked this a lot, especially the part about the stools although sweets are nice I felt this added a certain charm to that shop I also loved that picture- it made my mouth water Thanks for commenting on my poem, yes there's a museum called Beamish which has a sweet shop in just like that Keep writing and good luck in the contest

  • Dent
    August 31, 2004
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    Great piece! love your style! the imagery was brilliant. good work and best o luck in the contest.
    --You have just been Dented--


  • Ayla YellowRose
    August 30, 2004
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    Willy Wonka would be proud of this poem! I could see all of this...grrr now you've made me hungry. I wonder where I put my chocolate turtles.....


  • August 30, 2004
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    Runs in and kicks to the counter, grabs as much chocolate and sweets as possible and runs out again laughing like a maniac. I have done some jelly baby poetry and one jelly bean one, more adult though than childrens. I like this poem. I remember the old sweetshops, very cool. These days of course you hardly ever find them and the corner shops of today are just not the same as when I was a kid, for a start there are cameras everywhere. Fun times in the sweetshop


  • Touchof1der silver member
    August 30, 2004
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    Rootbeer floats, yeah!! OMG I can feel the pounds and inches attaching to my hips just from thinking such lustfull thoughts!! Mental Note: Two exyra hours at the gym! This was awesome. This brought back s-o-o-o many memories. Very nicely done. Thank you!


  • melphleg gold member
    August 30, 2004
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    Delightful. Reminds of scenes in classic movies involving soda jerks. I think my nieces and nephews might enjoy this piece.

  • duana
    August 30, 2004
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    Ladyof1980- banana splits were my absolute favorite too(well I loved those rootbeer floats ). But yeah I even did a speech on banana splits in 9th grade,hehe(long story)

  • duana
    August 30, 2004
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    Exactly artis. OMG this is what I was hoping this poem would bring up for the reader(your comment and everyone elses)!! You described my memories exactly down to a T. Hey maybe we went to the same shop,lolol


  • artis
    August 30, 2004
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    i can smell all those exquisite delights in little glass jars, like unautopsied cavaties waiting to be opened and filled up on, and the banana split challenge to eat the whoe thing with three bananas and a bunch of cherries and chocolate syrup and
    three big scoops of ice cream, and pineapple, and nuts and whipped cream as big as my whle head and as long as my arm, and i dropped my spoon and the clerk is busy so i 'll just
    >>S P L A T !!!!<< bury my face in it and eat....lol...Artis


  • duana
    August 30, 2004
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    Rachel, Iused to get those dot candies too!!!! They have to come back sometine, I would think!

  • Ladybug1962
    August 30, 2004
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    Nice job

    YOu totally captured the essence of a candy store. Some of the candies you had mentioned I brought a smile to my face (loved them banana splits). LOved the picture too and the background complimented your piece beautifully. I hope you do well in the contest


  • ForestAngel
    August 30, 2004
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    Great

    I love this poem I wish there was a candy store like that again. If I were in a candy store like that, I would be running to that banana split lol...yum...I remember my grandma and mom used to tell me their stories of going into a candy store something like in your poem..my mom always used to get these candy dots that were on paper for like a penny. Well great write -Rachel-Lynn-


  • JenP
    August 30, 2004
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    I wish they still had places like that. I'm sure they do somewhere. You used beautiful words in this, I could really see it! Makes me want chocolate....

  • i luv cupcakes
    August 30, 2004
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    I loved it! It's making me hungry for my gummy bears (random obsession, lol) A root beer float sounds really good right now thought too. Good job I just love reading your work!

    Kayla


  • freewill
    August 30, 2004
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    oooh yummy yummy. I love sweeties so much and this made my mouth water!!! What a great write

1 - 48 of 48