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Clandestine mood.

clandestine whispers talk
in the wind soundlessly,
streaming through the gulf
of unexplained mysteries,

secrets harboured with
no intent to tell , another
hurried glance darting ,shifting
between two, language
of the body is alert,

plausible repertoire at the ready
actions deliberate and with
stealth,  breath abated
tensions high, falsetto
shrieks................"Happy Birthday"

Author notes

Started out as something else but then the mood changed
Written August 29th, 2004

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Comments

1 - 20 of 20

  • cutiepie gold member
    July 10, 2005
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    Thank you It was nice to return to this poem as it was written a while ago. I had the dreadful habit of not returning to poems I have written, once written so this made a nice change I am delighted that you enjoyed it.


  • XxDemonicAngelxX
    July 8, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    this is a great poem! i love they way it was set up and i love the way it sounds!!

  • cutiepie gold member
    August 29, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Lol thank you, guess it was sort of frantic, I was trying to cook supper as I wrote it and things were beginning to burn....... Many thanks for the kind words, they are appreciated


  • moonwick
    August 29, 2004
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    Woah! I love the way you wrote this, cutiepie! There's something frantic and nervous about it...I haven't read a lot of poems like this. Most are wishy-washy or depressing, but this...this is stimulating! I really like the last line...I wasn't expecting that! Great job, as usual.

  • cutiepie gold member
    August 29, 2004
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    Yes thank you I rely on my sons old dictionary as I know the word but have problems spelling them I will certainly look for more tools to help with the writing as I feel its the only way to grow. Many thanks for your support, it is much appreciated


  • cutiepie gold member
    August 29, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Lol, sorry its not my normal sort of thing to throw in a sidewinder at the end, but I couldnt resist


  • August 29, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    =) ys nice twist
    i like your use of words here. you've made good use of vocabulary. gives it class. i'm kind of a word freak, i will wear a thesaurus and dictionary out writing. I have several vocabulary based programs i use, rhyming dict etc etc. I also have a translation program which is fun to play with. I think if ppl made better use of the tools available their writing would improve. this is a good write. looks good. reads well.


  • Feline2001
    August 29, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    you';re more than welcome

  • cutiepie gold member
    August 29, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Thank you I like language so finding new words for the same old word is great Thanks for the kind words, they are appreciated


  • cutiepie gold member
    August 29, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Thank you


  • thisispast
    August 29, 2004
    Edit | Reply

    FAbulous

    good work cutiepie-- this is a fabulous little write-- excellent vocabulary, had to reach for the dictionary a couple times --- keep on writing-- keep on being--- keep on making art--- penumbrapoet


  • cutiepie gold member
    August 29, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Thank you I am glad you enjoyed it, didnt start out this way but I sort of lost the flow 3/4 the way through

  • cutiepie gold member
    August 29, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    thank you for your constructive critique, I do have a problem knowing when to stop putting in commas I will practice


  • cutiepie gold member
    August 29, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Thanks I am glad you enjoyed it , thank you for the kind words, they are much appreciated


  • Got Cows
    August 29, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    the language was beautiful in the poem..until i read the last line. it kind of ruined the mood for me. sorry, most of it was good to me though.

  • Feline2001
    August 29, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    beautiful words-and what a great twist at the end! Made me go back and re-read! Wonderfully created. Thank you for sharing!

  • pozo
    August 29, 2004
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    This has a great effect at the end, very surprising Amazing poem- thanks for commenting on my poem and keep writing

  • Rambler
    August 29, 2004
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    This was very nice. I had to laugh at the end because you surprised me with that final line just like a surprise birthday party. Short piece, non-clandestine effect.


  • ostrich-eyes
    August 29, 2004
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    That was a lovely little poem. I'm not too fond of the many periods in the ellipses though -- seems excessive. I enjoyed the first stanza the most.


  • NurseHayley
    August 29, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Nice little twist at the end there And some great use of vocabulary to capture the readers overactive imagination.
    A wonderful piece, brought a lil smile to my face
    Take care
    Hayley x x

1 - 20 of 20