My soul mate

It’s been ten years now and I still wonder, where did we go wrong? So many things stood against us, kept us from ever really being together. So many stupid young mistakes… and I walked away… and you let me.
I can still feel you, did you know that? I may have stopped calling every time I felt something wrong with you but I still feel those moments. How can someone I am so bonded to, not be a part of my life? I wonder if you can still feel me too. Have you blocked me out so well that my moments of despair are now on deaf ears?
I even still have your flannel, could never bring myself to toss it away. I wear it nights I feel so lonely, so afraid and empty inside. It takes me it bit to get it on now, it is more covered in holes then cloth, but I need it all the same… just like I once needed you.
I have grown up now, though. I am no longer a young girl, in love for the first time and yet so unaware of how to truly love someone. You taught me that, how to truly love someone. You taught me how to really make love to, to put someone’s physical needs above your own. How I miss those stolen nights and dream of them often. You taught me what playfulness and passion are. You taught me that two people can love each other, have all the magic that it brings and still be friends when the sun rose in the morning.
I have never forgotten you, nor could I ever. Your blue eyes still haunt me; I can see your childlike smile in my mind… things I hold tight too. And I have found love again, gave birth to little girls, (I know you would have loved having little girls) and have made a life without you… but not completely. I keep you with me, through everything and I always will.
I am sadden that life should be this way sometimes. We were so young, you had your drugs and drama, and I had my issues and pain. Neither of us seemed to be able to escape from them… not then. I know I found my soul mate in you, I never doubted that, questioned it. But I know that it was just never meant to be in this lifetime. So I hold tight to you and your memory, praying that in the next life I shall find you once again and be able to finally hold you…
Forever Yours…