Eyeliner rivers
Erode paths into my cheeks
Murky emotions
Turn the once-clear waters black
A sinking ship
Named after my heart
Descends from the surface
Into the deep depths below
Let asphyxiation overcome
Even death doesn't want you
Calm your screaming soul
No one is listening, anyway
Awake to a room of flowers
Oh they can't be for you
Your adoration in a chair by your side
He's so cute when he sleeps
Scars from past chicken pox
Laced happily across your skin
What's happening to me
Keep the massacres coming
Author notes
i dont really know what this is about..and you wont either..
Written August 27th, 2004
What did you think
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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Let asphyxiation overcome
Even death doesn't want you
Calm your screaming soul
No one is listening, anyway
that's what stood out to me the most! the word use is really great and it just pulled me in to read it! i thought that was pretty good! well i loved it! hope to hear more from ya -
nah, i dont know what it's about, but i like it a lot...it's different and honest, and that's what counts. loved it!
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Tasteful
YOU have such a wonderful way with words
and a great style!
so profound for your age
that is a compliment indeed!!!
i will add you to my favorites
and continue to read on
~~ashes~~ -
aww thank you, AP didnt tell me about ur comment, grr, so I didnt find out til now.
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aww that was beautiful and cute! i loved it :: Squeals :: i have scars from past chicken poxs too. keep writing, it's beautifully wonderful
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I think it's beatiful, I may not fully understand it but it's wonderful none the less. You're only 13 and you have thoughts this deep, you truly have a gift and you should share it with the world... Oh and I found out where the guy I wrote about was, he was in a psych ward. We are still together and thanks for the coment.
Jess -
youve pretty much gotten the idea. i wasnt sure what it was about when i wrote it but i read it over and over..and im really just upset with how far away we live from each other..and i get that sinking feeling in my heart and such..and i dunno..but ill comment on something of yours a little later. thank you!!
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Hey, wow, I'm impressed, you think on a much higher level than most of the other people I've read over today. I like the title, then the allusions to water during the first paragraph, (and now I'm going to do my own horrible translation of your work) It sounds like your upset with someone your intimately entangled with, what with the sinking ship line, saying he looks so cute when he's asleep.. many other parts. Anyways, great job, and thanks for posting.
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whoa what the hell..someone commented on my poem talking about cancer..I SWEAR!! and now its gone..
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are you sure that youre commenting on the right poem..??
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Nicely Done
Depth in poetry is always fascinating to me. You seem to have a particular talent for it. You're metaphors and mixing of concepts gave this piece a highly intellectual feel, while still remaing an emotional puzzle. It seemed to me you painted more emotional pictures then physical ones. The words seemed to create an emotional image, that lingers after the first read. Very well done.
I'm surprised you don't know what this piece means. It seems to me, that you have written pain. A confusing, raw hurt, possibly from abandonment or that feeling of being lost. Or at least that's how it seems to me.
Grammatically, I think you'd do better to add punctuation, I think it would help it flow better, and possibly adjust your capitalization, but those are my two cents and you can spend them as you like. This is an excellent piece of poetry. Obviously you have a knack.
Grazia
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To me, it seems as though there is more than one picture painted, more than one destination reached.
You wrote it well, and I enjoyed reading it. -
Nice job.
Hmm, I'm not sure what it's about eather, but it seems really deep, lol. As Princess said, I loved it nonetheless. Really, I loved the wording, good job on that. The words really paint pictures in my head. The last line really caught me. "Keep the massacres coming" that's really... I dunno... unique. I would have said something like "Stop the massacres" Seriously, that line just intrueges me. Nice job on the overall poem.
~Anna -
You're right, I have no idea what it's about but I loved it nonetheless. Maybe if I think hard enough I'll get it. Can you enter my contest if you have time?
~Princess
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