Inside these hollow empty halls
Where hope of love descends and falls
Among the darkened dismal walls
Dwells the Lady of the Dark
She dreams of her loyal knight and true
Of colored days and brilliant hue
When times were good and troubles few
For the Lady of the Dark
Now she's unseen by light of day
She ventures out when dark and gray
When she hears eerie whispers say
Come the Lady of the Dark
The Lord of Darkness bids her near
Was he who cast the curse of fear
To never in the light appear
Fearful Lady of the Dark
By jealous rage he cursed her heart
He bound her will into the dark
To keep true faithful love apart
Confined Lady of the Dark
She cries and walks throughout the night
If by some narrow chance she might
Find her one faithful loyal knight
Tearful Lady of the Dark
By day her loyal knight and true
Still wanders seeking through and through
Hopeful to find his love and true
His sweet Lady of the Dark
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
She drifts about the empty halls
Into despair our lady falls
Behind the blackened dreary walls
Dwells the Lady of the Dark
As time endlessly passes bye
Apart do anguished lovers lie
To break the curse one has to die
For the Lady of the Dark
In fear she hides from light of day
She ventures out when dark and gray
When she hears eerie whispers say
Come the Lady of the Dark
The Lord of Darkness bids her heart
To fight to free her from the dark
On this quest does he dare embark
For his Lady of the Dark
With righteous love he holds her heart
He's bound to free her from the dark
To wage a war he will depart
To Free Lady of the Dark
He cries and runs throughout the light
If by some narrow chance he might
Be her triumphant loyal knight
Of the Lady of the Dark
Alas her loyal knight and true
Must give his own life through and through
To free his lady love and true
His sweet Lady of the Light
Author notes
I would like to have this in two even columns. I could not do that, so I've got ~~~~~~~ where the column should break.
Please comment on the rhythm, flow, rhyme and story. Thanks.
For the contest:
This is #2 a fantasy poem
And I have a gift for loving and helping children. 
They are my passion.
Written August 26th, 2004
In a list
What did you think
Comments
1 - 23 of 23
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This is a real inspiration! So wonderfuly writen and a gripping storry! This is one of the best poems I have read in a long time and in my opinion well deserved to get 100 points. I definatly would have given you a gold for this piece. I really enjoyed reading this. I was completely gripped to the words the whole way through! which doesnt happen often with long poems. Especially not when I am as tierd as I am. A really inspirational piece. Thank you for sharing. xxAmyxx
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Great poem, my first reaction after about 3 stanzas was that it was parallel to the format of "Lady of Shalot" It made it an interesting and very enjoyable read! Thanks for the comment on my poem "The Eighth Sea"
Chantel -
GOOD
hehe...thanks for reading my poem ^_^...hehe...I loved this poem! ^_^ of course i did...^_^... -
I liked the twist on this poem, it was great
Well done on your honourable mention I liked the imagery in this but I felt it was a little long.
Thanks for commenting on my poems Keep writing and God bless Pozo 
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Simply stunning
Evoking pools of emotion in classic fantasy poem
Oh my I love this sweetie so glad I read it tonight
Good luck in the contest
Its a winner in my book
Hope you had a wonderful holiday
Love n hugs
Susan~~~
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No trophy just anHonorable Mention. Thanks for taking the time to read and comment.
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Hi,
this was just fantastic my friend. I especially love this type of poetry. First, the rhyme was perfect, the meter was supurb, and the story held me from the very first line. I love the repeated lines (that holds the rythem together). This has a classic feel to it that enhances the entire write. This in my opinion was extremely well written. The very best of luck in the contest...This looks like a trophy piece to me.
--Johnny -
Enchantment woven with balance strands of imagery. Loved the atmostperic mood of this piece. It whispered of hope in the midst of despair. Well crafted and flowed smoothly. Thanks for sharing it with us. Lady E
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Thank you. I somewhat followed the style of the Lady of Shalott. The "of the dark" lines are not meant to be iambic but I did attempt it with the stanzas.
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I am a "heart" poet. I write what I think and feel, and know sweet f.a about styles in general. However, would I be correct in thinking this is iambic? If so, I think that some of your single line sections (of the dark) may be off slightly.
With that said, I know squat . What I do know it's an outstanding piece. Reminded me of Metallica's Mercyful Fate. One thing. Last stanza, "Alas her loyal knight and true".. not sure if that reads as I think you implied.
All in all, great poem. Love the intermission *stars*, good ending, good idea. -
excellent
Good story .I like your words and rhetoric really well done,
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I would really appreciate where you see the rhythm is off, I'm working on learning rhythm so any help would be most appreciated.
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bravo!
omg, I'm going to cry!
This is my absolutely wonderful!!!
The storyline is amazing and the 2column thing is a really cool idea. The rhythm is nice as well though not perfect which seems to actually make the flawed characters even deeper as they struggle through the piece. well done. -
my my I could have written this had I had the talent. This is truly amazing.
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this was awesome..it reminded me of an edgar allan poe poem...good luck in the contest!!!-witheredroses-
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As usual I have avoided reading the other comments so as not to be influenced by them. This was beautifully written. The imagery was superb and I truly felt enraptured in this piece. I love dark writes and you rose to the occasion with perfection. I wish you great luck in the contest!
Victoria Lin -
na
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Great job!
This was a very well done poem. Your story was wonderful! It had such a "fairy-tale" like theme to it. I found myself wanting to know more about the lady of the Dark and her true love. Your sense of rhyme flowed smoothly, no faltering and no awkwardness. You rflow was smooth as well, with three lines a stnaza it was just right! I hope that you do well in this competition! -
Superb! It was definetly worth reading! Good luck on the contest!
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This is an awsome story and I love the way you kept reapeating lady of the dark it gave it a nice flow and your rhymes where nicely executed as well. I liked this alot and I think you did an excelent job on it. Good luck in the contest hun
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i really liked every thing except the rhyming idky but rhyming isnt my thing lately for a while i loved it and every thing had to rhyme but not ne more oh well good luck in the contest laterz ~X2c~
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i rlly like this poem, its so creative and rlly like how u worded this awesome work of art. keep the wonderful work up!!
laterz
~Rhi~ -
This is nice... meanings on several levels. I like the flow... I love the way its broken up with Lady of the Dark, Lady of the Dark, and then ends with Lady of the Light. Very clever. Terrific write... looking forward to reading more by you! Good luck with the contest!
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