rugged feathers brush against my neck
something perches staunchly on my shoulder
croaking wisdom through an unseen beak
it seems an ancient being shrewd and sober
black as empty space between the stars
something perches staunchly on my shoulder
i sense a stern reproach to all my fears
dreads that formed from countless gripping losses
black as empty space between the stars
with rigid countenance it keenly watches
game to see me through each anxious qualm
dreads that formed from countless gripping losses
it came from somewhere in the subtle realm
skies abruptly filled with calling ravens
game to see me through each anxious qualm
this spirit somehow heard my lamentations
cries of savage pain that shook the clouds
skies abruptly filled with calling ravens
they soothe my grief in smooth or raucous chords
offered ever since they found me wailing
cries of savage pain that shook the clouds
this spirit and their spirits ever sailing
pass to me a gift of light and song
offered ever since they found me wailing
with rough and yet a clear enlightened tongue
subtle caws resounding in my spirit
pass to me a gift of light and song
whenever all is still i feel and hear it
rugged feathers brush against my neck
subtle caws resounding in my spirit
croaking wisdom through an unseen beak
Author notes
this is the longest terzanelle i've yet attempted. not easy. this is also my first attempt to alternate between three meters in a consistent fashion. you should find that, starting with the second tercet, there is an interlocking pattern of hypercatalectic iambic pentameter, iambic pentameter, catalectic trochaic pentameter and trochaic pentameter. they're all pentameters, but four different types woven together in a sort of braid. i was curious to see what the effect of this patterning would be. for the most part, i'm not unhappy with the results.
to learn more about the terzanelle: allpoetry.com/Column/784852/all=1
Written August 18th, 2004
In a list
A contest entry
- The Best of Allpoetry by .
1000 points, ended December 16, 2004, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 30 of 30
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Thanks for offering to explain
...the terms I do not understand are hypercatalectic and catalectic.
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Fachea: tell me which terms you didn't understand and I'll clarify them for you, free of charge.
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Bravo!
I am hesitant to leave any kind of critical comment on your work...you've been doing this for years and I am just starting to learn about styles & vocabulary, "hypercatalectic iambic pentameter" for example-I understand about half of that phrase. I will say this however; "Raven" is one of my favorites of your poems. There is something hauntingly stirring about this piece that keeps me returning to re-read it. I think weaving the different pentameters together was a fantastic idea. It seems to give this poem a peaceful yet raw feel.
Lovely Work,
Christina
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You are very skilled in all form poetry and this is no exception. Beautiful work. Good luck in the contest.
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Wonderful job on a complex and entertaining form! This poem has been invited to appear in my contest, The Best of Allpoetry ( http://allpoetry.com/contest/889346 ) If you'd like to enter, please check it out! Thanks.
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maybe its just me not understanding all these complicated forms and whatnot - it just seemed distant or something but i guess it's because i never really seen this style much
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hrrrm. highbrow. i think this is the first time anything i've written has been accused of this particular thing before. you know, i'm a total misfit, completely uneducated, academmically challenged, and purely just doing my own thing. lol
this piece has meaning to me because i've wanted to try to capture my relationship with the raven for many years, but it never felt right when i appraoched it, until i decided to use the terzanelle, and i also happened to be getting started experimenting with trimetric poetry. -
does that seem harsh?
i dont know
hmmm -
the poem seems very serious and highbrow - i dont know, technically it's masterful but it sort of seems spiritless and a bit pretentious as well - i dont know...
maybe i just dont like the style i guess but that's my problem
the control in this is definately pretty awesome -
A.S. ~ Although I am not a great fan of repetitive forms, you captured the mood in just the right way from the opening stanza, and maintained a flow without overt distraction from the technical contrivance. That is commendable in itself. The voice of some form poetry can be drowned out by unnecessary grandiloquence.
I liked the original way you used the raven imagery, your lines were well crafted, and the imagery evocative. It is not clear if it is an actual experience, or a metaphoric translation of one, but the effect is certainly similar.
I appreciated the art of this, without a need to know the techniques, which of course are only good when they serve the art, not dominate it. I think you are right to be happy with this one. I certainly enjoyed it.
~ Gennelle
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Aeolian Song ~ Thank you for your entry!
~ G
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I thought it was good quote the raven evermore.
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very creative & unique
this is the longest terzanelle i've yet attempted. not easy. this is also my first attempt to alternate between three meters in a consistent fashion. you should find that, starting with the second tercet, there is an interlocking pattern of hypercatalectic iambic pentameter, iambic pentameter, catalectic trochaic pentameter and trochaic pentameter. they're all pentameters, but four different types woven together in a sort of braid. for those of us that haven't studied all this stuff is there an english version?.. sorry..i really enjoyed the poem..but i couldn't understand what you ment in your statement..
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Terrific
I have clicked , so I will leave a comment
I have never seen this "Form" before, but I loved the poem, it also made chills run down my spine. The "Form adds to the words beautifully. I cannot add more until I understand the form but this I hope to do. Very well done
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terzanelle? May I ask what that is? Is it the form of this poem? Interested and this was interesting
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woah, you're really great with Imagery! This is very good. you have a knack at writing. I thoroghly enjoyed this!
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I have attempted a couple of terzanelle myself, but nowhere near to this standard which is astounding. I would like to thank you also for your column on this form, which to me personally has been a great help. The only thing that bothers me about this piece and maybe I am wrong, is that the first and third lines are not refrains as I thought they should be (?)
Kat xxx -
absolutely brilliant of course! Your studying sure paid off- you have gained a true skill that will take you a very long distance. I think I would like to take some time off writing and study just forms. I read recently that one can not truly write free verse unless one has a superior grasp of form poetry first...and I am starting to wonder if there is something to it.
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I'm gonna have to agree with Anasuya, since it was about ravens it was an instant success in my book! lol Althought I struggled with finding a clear, linear meaning in the piece, I finally figured out that it wasn't so much what I read but what I FELT. And I thought that the last stanza said enough. For to me, there are times when just seeing something has more meaning than hearing it explaiined...guess in a way a picture IS worth a two thousand words, eh? lol In any case, found this poem very intriguing and LOVED the wallpaper!
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Oh now I remember these things, well done, with these a villanines, if you can get so the comma hits the centre of the middle line, magic, takes away a lot of that jerkiness. well done
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If the title wasn't so obvious, I'd have known it was about a raven anyway by the content alone. Which is high praise. Not many people can take an animal (and truly, how can any of us know an animal well enough to describe it with such clarity as you have done) and make it real to us, with purpose. I loved it.
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It seems you have learned much in your studies, and applied it quite well.
And yes, you meant "game", not 'came', as El d suggested.
A very good work, and leaves one wanting to try it themselves.
(damn you for that... LOL)
Excellent work. -
granted, i allowed a secondary rhyme to occur with the disyllabic assonance, mostly because it was too much trouble to make sure the rhyme didn't occur. true rhyme, or primary rhyme, occurs when the rhyme occurs on the accented syllable. for instance, the following words actually rhyme:
faking
raked
partaken
in a line, these would be considered internally rhymed:
i faked the raking of the partaken leaves
the sentence is nonsensical, but illustrates my point. as end-line rhymes, they still rhyme because the primary accent is occuring at the end of the line, regardless of what the unaccented syllables are doing:
i grabbed the rusty rake and raked
thus of my duties fair partaken
though i would much rather be faking
anyway, food for thought. -
mmmm... i was alternating between endline consonance (beak/neck, fears/stars, qualm/realm, etc) and disyllabic assonance (sholder/sober, losses/watches, ravens/lamen[tations], etc).
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Ah I see you have spent mucho time on this one. I know very little about pentameter ~> . <~ that is probably what I know. No kidding. I also know . about the form but I did enjoy reading it, if that accounts to much. Just wondering, how strict is the rhyme in this piece? Because, for instance, "neck," and "beak," do not rhyme, as don't "stars," and "fears." So I'm not sure if you were trying to rhyme there or if you were caught up in perfecting your pentameter...
Fabulous images, made my skin chill
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do you mean "came" when you write "game"? hmmm, that part was confusing. "game to see me through each anxious qualm"? yeah, i think it should be "came" right there. please correct and explain to me if this is an incorrect observation of mine. all i want to do is help! and so onto the poem's content and structure and all that good stuff...first off, i love ravens. edgar allen poe, anyone? yes, whenever i read a poem about ravens, it always me back to him...to the raven of that classic poem...THE raven. Yes. But here, you definately do something of your own. There's still a loneliness to it, a sadness to it, which I guess ravens in poems seem to attract in quite a bountiful amount. Your diction is stupendous and really consistent throughout the whole poem...but then, it is a terzanelle...things get repeated and such. And what a wonderful form! I really like it. I really like the different meters, too. Very masterful. You shouldn't be not unhappy...you should be ecstatic! This is wonderful. ! ~EL d
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You have put lots of time onto this poem, and the result is wonderful! The repetitions worked very well and all verses show very clear images.
A pleasant read, thanks!
Mari
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hypercatalectically delicious
Excellent write my friend,
I wonder if the interwoven pentameters were a forethought, or did it just evolve this way in the writing of it? Either way, it did, indeed turn out to be a fine and smooth read for this reader. Your use of the raven's antics put me in mind of a Tennyson poem I read somewhere and some time ago...Methinks he was partial to the spirit of the raven as well as our old friend Poe.
Kudos,
Del
Edited on Aug 27 because '(sp)'. -
Famously interesting. It reads as if a chant. Or at least I read it as if a chant. Well written indeed. Now as for your author's note; I'm going to have to wait for my book to arrive before I understand what the hell you're talking about. But you've got a couple of years on me as far as this form is concerned.
Absinthe
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alll those words (in your comment) make my head spin. I know little about poetry itself, even less about forms. I just read for the pleasure of it and it helps me relax. I liked this for that, form if it was, I didn't know til your comment
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