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Gary and Nicole

his girl
so like a goddess
worships him.
he's bitter
powerful.
she's beauty
sweet
manipulated by him.
her raw faith
makes him smile.
she's powerless
against his smile.
together
they play
must say
it's love.
but he's gone.
alone she sits
she lusts for him.
blood pounding in her veins
so hot
razor in her hand
so cold
her blood
red as rust
pain from lust
letting go
growing cold
she is the razor
Gary and Nicole
together in death.

Author notes

Yet another assignment from Ms. Z. It was a magnetic poetry thing. Yeah, and I wrote this. I'm sure I disappointed her profoundly, but that's life. Anyways, it's about Gary Gilmore, who was electricuted for killing some people. It's a true story, written in poem form by me. I read about it in The Executioner's Song by Norman Mailor.
Written August 26th, 2004

A contest entry

What did you think

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 11 of 11

  • -Darkest Desire-
    September 27, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    hey this was totally kick ass, i think you shoulda won kid, awesome job!
    ~Alea


  • Daisuke
    September 26, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    grea write. It was pretty intresting...

    ~Julian


  • September 30, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Hmm...I'm not sure if I liked it or not. There are a few spots where it seemed a bit off but it was all right.

    Good luck.

    - Sock

  • apatheticangel
    September 21, 2004
    Edit | Reply

    Three Thumbs Up

    That's incredibly sad, but all the same a great write. I love the lines "together/they play/must say/its love" Keep writing, and good luck in the contest

  • AngelicSerenity223
    September 19, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Aww This is good! Good Write n Good Luck

  • bannedforever
    September 10, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Yeah, my teacher liked this. Thanks for the comment


  • Ashley Bright silver member
    September 10, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    well i enjoyed this
    you have great imagery...
    like
    her blood
    red as rust
    pain from lust

    great image there
    but here in this line..

    blood pounding in her veins

    i think it would sound more effective
    and raw... if perhaps it was "Blood pounding veins"
    it gives it more of an edge and exact image
    that is just an opinion though
    i noticed you wanted critical comments,
    though i will say,
    you express yourself very well
    and i'm sure your teacher was not at all
    dissapointed

    ~ashes~

  • bannedforever
    August 26, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Thanks for the great comment. I'm glad you like the poem

  • bannedforever
    August 26, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Thank you

  • hotmami176969
    August 26, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    wow i really like this and the way u used the words it makes me feel like im there seein it happen or like its me u kno? wel good read keep it up l8r~~shy~~


  • blaze101
    August 26, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    wow this is way sad but realy good

1 - 11 of 11