A Sonnet for Mother (Spenserian Sonnet) by lordoftherings at All poetry

by Gregg Rowe

Her scarlet hair which carries Scottish pride
Does shine with ethereal light kissed by morn
Mature, she raises family of five
Oh how she must have lived in secret scorn

Internal pain she passed to each newborn
Chaos reigns inside internal pained lives
I dream of fairies, elves and unicorns
While mother dreams to be the perfect wife

The life she lived with this internal strife
Her cocoon opens, angels sweetly sang
She found her voice and a surgical knife
Her castle door opens, leaves with a bang

Her smiles sparkle radiant rays
Beneath the hidden truth of abused days

Author notes

Written August 26th, 2004

In a list

A contest entry

~*Mother by MidnightWanders. 300 points, ended May 14, 2005, 27 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest

What did you think

Comments

1 - 18 of 18

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lovestinks
March 30, 2006
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Im coming to comment on one of your writes.. since i clicked on your contest in the feature box by accident and didnt have a comment or anything to post! haha - ok so here i am. i really liked your ending here... it kind of brought the whole picture togeather for me. and i think this is somthing thats very true for most people. great write- and thanks for sharing!
MidnightWanders
May 9, 2005
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I really like this.. It's more personal than any of the entries I've read yet. Thanks for entering!!
Empathy-eyes
September 2, 2004
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This is a lovely way to view and reflect on her life, pondering on all the pain she has suffered and emerging with hope and love. Indeed I could relate to the words you wrote (well, perhaps not about my mum having five children, she only had two lol) due to the abuse that she suffered and came through it all with flying colours It's a shame that not all pain can be shown through the eyes of the beholder.
("I dream of fairies, elves and unicorns
While mother dreams to be the perfect wife")
Anyway, i'm not too familiar with sonnets, but you wrote a great tribute with such care in your words. Thankyou for sharing this and take care, Kate
candy177
September 1, 2004
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I too, agree with Hugh and David. This piece is good, but not up to your high standards. The pentameter is off in some lines (and people wonder why I don't write in iambic - ha!), and some of the metaphors are a bit too complex for me. I had to read through all of the comments and reread it before I fully understood. That's not to say it's not a good piece, I just personally think you could do better. It's just that I'm used to reading such carefully constructed pieces by you - and no, this doesn't change my admiration for you or your work!
cherche -d -ame
August 30, 2004
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Gregg , I read this a couple of times (not because I could not understand it) but it was as if you had written about my mother. of course by the time she freed herself and me in the process , it was too late for me not to have memories now of a childhood that was definitely really messed up , but you know what.......being what I am now , I often reflect back and somehow believe that because of that childhood , I now do have the strength and what I hope to be the compassion for others . They say "that which does not kill you only makes you stronger" and voila...it did not kill me. Please do not change one word of it ,

Reenie
Jeric
August 27, 2004
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Ill have to try...
good job!
-Lee
Antipodi
August 27, 2004
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Superb
The sonnet of a female form that is mother and daughter yet carries us all in a cord that must eventually be cut..Beautifully written..great dedication to motherhood and its pain as well as its beauty..
lordoftherings
August 26, 2004
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Hugh: I agree with you and David, that this is not my best in word choice because I am still trying to sort through the metaphors on this one without repeating past poetry, something afresh and anew on the subject matter while still preserving my relationship with my mother. Could be because it was written in haste to finish up with my Sonnet Classes so I wouldn't fail my test, and I will eventually take you up on that offer for you to proofread my sonnets again, once I have had the opportunity to re-write them first. I want to thank you for all your creative criticism on these sonnets while I was learning how to pen them. Gregg
hugh wyles
August 26, 2004
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Dear Gregg,
I am forced to agree with David in that while many of your lines conform to the iambic pentameter requirement of a Spenserian sonnet, there are a number in which the stresses fall on the wrong syllables (eg: second line in both first and second stanzas and in both couplet lines) and one has a feeling of bentameter rather than pentameter. Nothing that a little polishing would not have corrected. The good lines flow, the others don't.
No criticism of thought or subject intended. Regards, Hugh.
Edited on Aug 26, 8:58 p.m. because ''.
dp robertson
August 26, 2004
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Not bad. Emotionally there is never going to be a question of its power simply because of the subject matter. Usually you write more smoothly than this through the line. With most of the writers on this site I would just read it and say okay but you set such high standards for yourself this is not running with the same fluency. There are some word choices that would greatly improve its flow without losing any of its already considerable power.

David
Edited on Aug 26, 7:54 p.m. because ''.
bulletimperio
August 26, 2004
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What a beautiful and intense piece! You're words hit me bigtime! I can't find anything more to say but t'was really awesome and do love this one! I'm hoping to have a glimpse of her Scottish pride, lol!
Dean
August 26, 2004
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Ack! No, you can't do that. Really, a thing beautiful doesn't have to be a thing understood. I'll tell you something, my eighth grade teacher made something clear to me once, something I cherish as some of the best advice I've gotten poetry wise.
He said, in refrence to my future as a poet,
" Not everyone will like your poetry. You may have to learn to change it to suit needs and opinions if you wish to make money or profit."
I replied,
" Profit and money is nice, but I can't whore out my poetry for anyone else. I write it for me, and they are my children. Would you throw a paper bag over your child's head if he was displeasing to the eye?"
And he replied,
" That's called poetic integrity Sarah ".
Don't alter your poems for me, for anyone else. They are your children, your creations, complete with a piece of you within them.
lordoftherings
August 26, 2004
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Dean: Not at all, the line reads: Her cocoon opened angels sweetly sang followed by she found her voice: I was hoping for an image of a butterfly and her freedom as she distanced herself from this abusive lifestyle with her ex-husband and fled with her children: Her castle door opens, leaves with a bang. Maybe I should think of a re-write. It seems like my metaphors are being used in the wrong way. Gregg
Edited on Aug 26, 6:12 p.m. because ''.
duana
August 26, 2004
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wow this is so wonderful. I was just taliking to another poet on here who wrote something for their mother, and I don't know if you know it but there is a contest out there for stuff for mothers- so you might want to find it and enter this. As for thispoem itself- youhave inspired me to write a sonnet for my mother, and for another women I know who I admire. I told the contest holder that it was a nice idea, but there is no way I could ever do my mother justice in the crappy poetry Iwrite. But I totally forgot about the sonnet form. Iamgoing to give it a try. Thanks for the inspiration.

This sonnet you havewritten isverysad. Iamassuming that you are speaking of your own mother here. Iamsorry thatshe had to live thiskind of life. Itis good that one of her sons noticed and cares so much asyou obviously do. Not all children are as loving asyou.
Dutch Doll
August 26, 2004
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Wow, you wrote this soo well, the words are just so great, and the flow... geez, jealous of your talent Loved this write.
'moon
Dean
August 26, 2004
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0_0 *reads once*
*reads it again*
Ack, I am humbled, I can sense this is a beautiful dedication and your relationship with your mother must be a riddled paradigm indeed, but the full meaning of each phrase flew over my head at the speed of light.
"Her cocoon opens, .."?
Is that her womb?
Ack, thats so crude of me to write it, its probally something else.
lordoftherings
August 26, 2004
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Cutiepie: like an umbilical cord of her newborn, she cut the cords to her abused life with a surgical knife -- sort of metaphorically. Thank you for the comment and hope that is clearer. Gregg
Edited on Aug 26, 5:33 p.m. because ''.
cutiepie
August 26, 2004
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Touching
I read this twice, it appeared as a tribute to a mother, then I got caught up in the lines "she found her voice and a surgical knife" and wondered if this was a suicide. Whatever way it was written with conviction and pride. Thank you for sharing this with me