i
paper fog awning
shades a fainted summer-
moonless naps at dawn.
ii
flowing willow arms
droop to grassy pillows-
harvest’s bed.
iii
spiney limbs of grape
find themselves in purple sap-
berry pie.
iv
frost caps the yellow squash
nosey rodents poke seeds-
catnip.
v
amber floral carpets
dry in breathy gardens-
potpourri!
Author notes
Something about a less than formal 5-7-5 haiku that prompts a more interesting resolve!It sort of gives the subjective conclusion a 'Tada'!
Written August 24th, 2004
In a list
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Comments
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100th Hoodwink!
Beautiful Haiku, full of wonderful imagery. You have captured some wonderful picture vignettes of seasons changing, and the beautiful scenes of transistion. This was a most pleasant poetic treasure to find!
You have been chosen as a victim of our 100th Hoodwinking Celebration for The Poetic Bandits, we want to let you know we appreciate AllPoetry and all you have done to make it the wonderful Poetic Community that it is. Thank you!
Dennis
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appeals so beautifully to the senses....
This haiku chain is mastery in motion. I love to read and write haiku. I write more about nature than anything, so this is euphoria for me.
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Hood-Winked!
This is a fantastic set of haiku, there is so much more to a haiku than meets the eye, so easy to get wrong and so hard to get right...I can't say whether you have penned them to be correct or not, as I am not an expert, but I do love each one and the colourful lines you have written, each one seems to stand ok in my eyes so very perfectly
You have been Hood-Winked again
~Lilac
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I love haiku's
Yours are very lovely hun and descriptive
I think me fav is Number 2
Hope you are ok and drop by and see me too
Hugs n love sweetie
Susan~~~
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Your emotions are right on. So even if you didn't have a complete amount of syllables...It was still written with heart and depth of your surrondings. It feels almost as though the ideas flowed beautifully to the page , And if that is so , You have done a marvelous job at keeping a wonderful haiku and a good outlook on common everyday things we sometimes miss. This says alot with so few words and features. Marvelous.
Love to you and peace goes forth ,
James
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This is very lovely! Great job I enjoyed reading it alot, Haiku's are really awesome!
Kayla
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A potpourri of Haiku....
Lovely and well done..
Hugs
Pat
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Actually to all those who've wondered about the haiku syllabic count, it is through haikumonk who teaches and also through my research into the ancient patterns, that due to the glyphics of Japanese, it doesn't always follow 5-7-5 pattern after all! Long as the total is 13-17 and spared to the rule of theme, it is legal eagle. Neat, huh? Just found that out a few years ago. Thank you for reading and very pleased you commented!! Warmly, CookieZeal
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A good poem, although I felt some of the lines had less or more syllables than they should this was a great poem with good description- well written work Keep up the good work because this was excellent
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Wow. I adore haiku's, but these are of a few of the deepest, most well-written ones I've ever read. Especially the last one, with that final word "potpourri". They don't always follow the "usual" pattern, but that's okay. I like this, a lot.
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Each Haiku does not follow the more recognized 5-75 pattern but there is freedom in that for what Haiku is differs from who you ask.
You do vividly describe a cornucopias.
You are reminding me that summer is ending and autumn will soon be here.
Very picturesque read. -
Thank you! Smiling back. Yes. You can write a haiku. Or put it in the Japanese series as I did here. That way the theme links. There are other forms as well...where you can say more.
Here's an Iambic that describes it: You'll like reading.
'Ode To The Ku'
www.allpoetry.com/poem/150238
Edited on Aug 28, 2:45 p.m. because ''. -
Wow. I don't think I could pin one as o'er the other. It's a great write!
shades a fainting summer-
moonless naps at dawn
A terribly wonderful way to open things up. Your first stanza brought a smile on my face
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As always, imagery drips from you pen and your thought proccess... The way you voice things, simply amazing!
I've yet to write a Haiku. I don't believe I could manage to fit what I desired in three lines... However, this brings it to a new light! I could always try a series of Haiku's, couldn't I?
Loved it,
"Where hope ends, He begins."
Claide -
yea...~}
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Hi Diane, you really are shinning bright in your talent with
the creative side of haiku and autumn many facets and colors.
Tamara
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Beautiful imagery - normally haiku's aren't my thing but i do like this one a lot - i just love all the imagery!
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Much thanks!
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i like my haiku to be the standard 5-7-5- so i liked the first one the best.
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Wonderful! Brought me a sense of peace just reading them. You do so well with this form! Lovely! (((HUGS))) --Kel
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Okay I'm back one more time, when I first read these the second and third stood out as a picture then I went back and read your fourth and fifth one and those two also I thought where well reflected just took a bit longer to hit my brain....but they are clear and make sence Cookie the first shows the approach of fall......So actualy they are all excellent and Im not just saying that...Sometimes it takes a little longer to see something then it pops out and thats what happened on those....last few wonderful pieces.....Love,Sherry
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Even three is good...
That one is clear to me last one and first got think about a little bit more......
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I just thought those two stood out more as a picture, the others for me, I have to think about but doesn't mean of course they aren't well written pieces. I just could see the picture with those two more vivid.....Your welcome......
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Really?? Ok. There are a few that I would edit. Thank you, Sherry! You are better at these than I am, probably
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Hi Cookie , Nice Haikus some are deep but I really liked the second one, and your third best...but all of them where nice. But I got more of a picture with the second and third one I read.......Love you Sherry
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this is wonderful. i love the words you use - it evokes great images in my mind. this is just all so beautifully written. splendid job, keep up the great work <33
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