And on he pens through the horrid night
With his crafty tools, his bitter plight
And every word he pens is dripping red
For the dreams that resided inside his head
Yet in the darkness of the loathsome night
With barely the moon to offer light
His conscience struggles for his bleeding cause
To force his mind through bolted doors
As if those doors were built of steel
To penetrate them would be unreal
Then bitter tears grips the poets heart
For the world he dreamt has fell apart
The tears cascades from his swollen eyes
Yet the pain in his heart is unrecognized
For he who once in the mirror did see
The fearless poet he aspired to be.
Author notes
Commented to every poem in this contest.
Written August 24th, 2004
In a list
What did you think
Comments
1 - 40 of 40
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Very beautiful. I we all feel a bit like that fearless poet at times. I really loved that last stanza. It touched my heart, and that's a place that has not been touched for a long while. Well done, old friend.
Shannon Rose
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Thank you IfUoNLYkNeW, this was one of my most cherished writes.
Avril
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OMG I love this poem you did such an aawesome job I'm stunned my favorite part was
The tears cascades from his swollen eyes
Yet the pain in his heart is unrecognized
For he who once in the mirror did see
The fearless poet he aspired to be.
This poem really moved good luck in the contest -
Although I loved this work in it's entirety, these lines really stood out to me:
Yet in the darkness of the loathsome night
With barely the moon to offer light
His conscience struggles for his bleeding cause
To force his mind through bolted doors
As if those doors were built of steel
To penetrate them would be unreal
Then bitter tears grips the poets heart
For the world he dreamt has fell apart
you captured the essence of how hard it is to write what flows through the poet's pen and dreams that sometimes doesn't quite turn out the way they would want us all to interpret it. Atleast that is what came to my mind when reading this. Your work is excellent and always a pleasure to read. You capture here what I fail to do myself. all the best to you in the contest hon
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I wrote this poem at a time when I felt very stagnant. I just didn't know what to write and becaue of that period in my life, this poem emerged from it. Thank you Jgrayson-au for your comments, they were very much appreciated. Avril
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Haha I can't relate. No seriously I can't. I write only when something comes to me, I can never sit down and say; "Ok I am going to write now." But I love this poem none-the-less.
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Good job telling a story we all can relate to...very nice rhyme scheme here! Good luck in the contest!
Peace..Syah
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You have a very steady rhymescheme in this poem, something not a lot poets are able to do that
wonderful write, I wish you the best of luck!
Leander -
Thank you so much Will I Am. Avril
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Thank you so much Will I Am. Avril
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Write ON...!!
Love these lines....
To force his mind through bolted doors
As if those doors were built of steel
To penetrate them would be unreal -
I think I know this poet personally Excellent write. Best wishes in the contest
Ruth -
Excellent
What an excellent write. Very good use of imagery. You might want to change a couple of subject/verb agreements: "tears grips" and "tears cascades"--I would make the verbs singular to agree with tears but you might have had another intention here? Otherwise very well-written, with a nice "endless night" feeling.
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Hello again Avril pleased to see you entering my contest .As alway a fine write from your pen, (no surprise to me) enjoyed this very much , good luck in contest
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I'm curious, before I say anything, do you really want a critical review? I generally disregard anything that rhymes, but it works here. And it works well, except, the meter is off. Count off the syllables. I have suggestion for revision, I'll give you an example for the first stanza, if you want more than that, I've got to know that you really want critical review.
And on he pens through the horrid night
With his crafty tools, his bitter plight
And every word he pens is dripping red
For the dreams that once resided inside his head
The rhythmic patter is this: 9/9/10/12... which isn't really a pattern. So... shorten your last two lines:
"And every word he pens is red
For the dreams that once were in his head"
Then it's set up: 9/9/8/9.. which will be easier to follow in the oncoming stanzas. Also, you probably shouldn't use "pens" twice in the same stanza, although it paints a good image.
That being said, I like what you're saying in this piece, a lot.
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I especially enjoyed how you ryhmed light with night.
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This poem is for anyone and everyone who sits down to write and for the life of them, they can't think of a word to say. Thankyou RockStarAngel7, every word was most appreciated. Avril
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Thanks for entering my contest... Good luck!!! I'll make meaningful comments when I judge the poems... I'm just thanking everybody for entering right now...
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Great write. I enjoyed that piece. So sad though. Whoever this is about, (If anyone) I hope all goes well for them! Keep writing! That's an awesome write. Good job! So sad, so sad, so sad.......................................
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AWWWW Timothy, thank you so much my friend. You're making me blush over here. I truly appreciate your kind words as well as your applause. Thanks again. All my love to you too Tim and God bless. Avril
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Excellent!
Excellent Write, And Flow!*
Your words truly touch the soul of me
Each and every time I read your poetry
Comes from deep within your heart
And pieces mend to make this art
How you pen and jot your thoughts
Your words I say do hit the spot
Keep on keep'n on, my wonderful friend
And to you my love I send...
Thanks for sharing you, I loved this piece!
-Timothy The Poetic Weaver~
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Yeah, I had to put a little pressure on him (male poet), make him stand up and pay attention before it's too late. Thanks so much Eric, it's always a pleasure hearing from you. Avril
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Oh my - very special --- Diamond and her (male) poet is back - I really like this - you are very hard on your poet - but than you get good results from him --- Thank you
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AWWW Pozo, thank you so very much. Avril
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Thankyou Queen, it's coming back slowly but surely. Avril
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A wonderful write which I liked a lot, the background is nice but the words are the best bit: I can relate to them so well Keep up the good work because this was fantastic
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What a way to recognize the return of your muse.
The background is stunningly elegant, showing a magical spark.
You words are beautiful as usual and I love to follow the flow with ease.
Welcome back! lol.
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The poet inside you, will always be there. Sometimes the poet in all of us takes a little vacation and we wonder where it went but they always come back. Your poems are an inspiration to everybody that reads them. Your gift shines very bright. Queen
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He certainly is inspired though isn't he. That's my guy Lol. I love him dearly. Thankyou so much Joan for your encouraging words and your applause. They were all so very much appreciated. Avril
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I promise to always keep the light shining. Thankyou so much Touchof1der. Avril
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I also agree with Richard and Kimberly, a brilliant piece my dear Avril, just came from reading Darells latest piece, HE is certainly inspired..hmmm still wonders why you wouldn't know, would you? ~Love Joan~
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I agree with astralshepherd, this beautifully penned poem of yours could easily be about any one of us here on Allpoetry. You have done an excellent job as usual. Do not ever allow the light of your talent to die.
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Yeah, and this could be about any of us who aspire to write. It certainly is universally enough to fit so much of my own inner workings. I love it!! Blessings and best wishes, richard
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Thankyou Darell, the fearless poet is definitely on his way back. Avril
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Very Dramatic!
Avril,this was a powerful write. I felt the torment and angst of
this fallen fearless poet. So many of us aspire to do great things in life. We set off on a journey to light up the world.
Some how our dreams get derailed by life's unexpected twist and turns. Your poems was so expressive and full of emotion. It made me cheer for this fearless poet to bounce back and prevail against all odds. Excellent poem Avril.
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Brilliant
Damn Av! You are so talented. I love it! I really don't know how you come up with these ideas but they are really good. I love visiting this page. Keep it up! -
Thankyou once again PurpleSky, the background is yours for the taking. Enjoy.
Many Blessings,
Avril
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I love the thought you put into this and the way your statement came across. I love the way you write ohhh and im stealing your background. copies it and runs away really fast
.....
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In a way, this poem is about me. At times I feel as though I have lost something important that every poet desires and that is their inspiration to write. I'm very much alive though Raven, inlove yes but most certainly alive. I hope that this is just the beginning of the poet inside of me. Go on and breakdance girl Lol. Thanks for your encouraging words Raven.
Many Blessing to you also,
The Poet,
Avril
Edited on Aug 24, 12:28 because ''. -
This is only the middle of the day and I am already giving away my last applause. Even sad writes are beautiful, coming from you. I think that all us poets experience times of utter despair and lack of inspiration (and I know that I am at this time, because of the fact school has just started and I'm trying to get all of my financial situation straightened out). It is so great to read something new from you! (I almost thought you were dead or something...it was starting to scare me! lol)
This poem shows all of our inhibitions and fears, regardless to gender. But expression is what we have in common. Wonderful poem! (does breakdance because I got to come first) 
Many blessings,
Raven Aurora
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