you
change like
the slow
circle of
day changes;
when the stars
appear you are
mysterious;
when the sun shines
you shine also;
at dusk you charm, your
smoking eyes bewitch;
when dawn pinks the sky
you become alive,
and i pale beside.
all
day long
i watch
as you change
your you; i
muse at it.
all day long i
want to be with
you to observe
you alter mood.
i follow you but
at the dead of night
you vanish, leaving me
empty and wordless.
Author notes
this is a really good poetic form - it is fairly easy to do, but does take some thinking. It is like a haiku, but this goves more space to say stuff; when you have to much to say, but it would fit with the reasoning of a haiku this would be a good form to use.
Written August 24th, 2004
In a list
A contest entry
- Unusual Form, Any Topic by Edge of Dreams.
300 points, ended September 3, 2004, 9 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
-
Beautiful, and 2 stanzas, which gets you bonus points. 4 and 1/2 out of 5.
-
yeah i liked this a lot it seems easy but i know it wont be easy to count all those syllables yuk but you have made it seem easy which is half the battle won when writing
-
Well done
I think the first is so good that there is no need for the second for stands strong within its own merit. I am finding I really like this new form. Fascinating end results.
Edited on Aug 25, 2:19 p.m. because ''. -
very well written! i love it sooo much. I will give this one a five because its beautifully written and you added more to it so its a GREAT WRITE! I love it! Comment back
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