Falling

I'm falling once again
with no clue how to stop myself
into the bottomless pit of self-pity.
Bad actions and worse reactions
to life unfolding around me.
Putting myself in harm's way
(Emotionally speaking that is)
wanting to trust those who will hurt me
then feigning surprise at the pain.
Longing for things I've lost
that I'd be better off without again
Wondering how to move on from this place where I'm stuck
Angry at you for what could have been and never was
stupid enough to believe in fantasies
of best friends and soulmates
and that I could for once not be abandoned
by the people I love.
So I stand here now at the brink
of taking chances again
my heart yearning to leap
my mind scared and screaming "No!"
my body paralyzed by indecision...
back to the shrink I go.

Help me?