When I rounded the point
There was a wind-break
The sun had just yoked
On the boats & their wake.
I had come for fresh air
And a view that was ripe
To lay my soul bare
And get sleep tonight.
But the whales were sick too
And the sky was dead red
A tempest was brewing
A storm in my head.
I saw no footsteps home
I felt no peace of mind
It was no day to comb
For sea shells in the tide
I collapsed upon knees
Succumbed to the fight
Another prince broken
In half by twilight.
Author notes
Written August 22nd, 2004
In a list
A contest entry
- Anything about beaches by sad1976.
300 points, ended April 2, 2006, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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That last line was SO vivid in detail and intense in emotion, the tension exploding like fine shattered crystal. And although there were spots that seemed a trifle forced, the overall effect was very effective, evoking images of late nights of despair and the sad, confused jumbled thoughts of another mystifying end of the day. So overall, I definitely found this quite enjoyable.
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This was so sad. It started out with this quite innocent feel to it only to turn into this desperation. Beautiful.
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a really superb poem you have penned. not only is it well written in rhymes and meter, with a smooth pleasing rhythm, but it also has a depth to its content that I enjoyed. I have often battled for peace of mind and for answers to life's problems while walking or sitting on a beach. I really identify with this.
But the whales were sick too
And the sky was dead red
There was a storm brewing
A tempest in my head
an excellent stanza, my favorite. this transported me there in imagery and in thought.
thanks for entering my contest and for raising the bar with such an enjoyable poem.
~travis
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i really like this may i say that the picture looks really cool i love buddhas they facinate me.and i think that you have a really good chance of winning the contest .Good luck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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I just read another water poem, but I like this one better. Incredibly written, just the...hidden meaning I guess...amazing. w00t! ^_^
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nice job
Wonderful imagery, your words painted a picture in my mind, it was a very well written poem, nice job! -
wow this is a hgorgeous poem it has a great imagery and use of words in it, it really drew me in, i love it!!keep it up with the good shit.....b3l
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really original, i like the rhyming you used, the content was great to, i don't see anything i don't like about it! keep up the good work Horus 8!
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just applauding. perhaps i will write somethign really stupid here in the near future, when re-reading. Too tired to be stupid now.
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I love versatile writers who are able to choose the right form to structure their thoughts around. This very simple verse is threaded with a very complex state of mind. Good writing and deceptively sad
David -
cool write! it's supa dupa awesome! lol. i liked the images. you always make the kewlest images in your poems. nicly done!
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Shana
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Nicely done- I love the images you conjure with these words.
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