I'm sitting on the wall
Watching
People on the pier
People on the beach
Just watching their lives unfold.
When I grow up
I'll be a writer
And maybe I'll write about
People like them.
I'm following them up the steps
Watching
As their eyes meet each other
In a motionless embrace
Just watching their lust unfold.
When I grow up
I'll be a writer
And maybe I'll write about
People like them.
I'm locking the cubicle next door
Listening
To sounds I can't quite picture
But I think I get the gist
Just thinking of how easy it is
to hide in public.
When I grow up
I'll be a writer
And maybe I'll write about
People like them.
I'm hiding just outside the door
Waiting
It's just a tiny little flick knife
Over in a flash
Just righting one of many wrongs.
And nobody suspects me
Just an innocent little boy
Saving the world from
People like them.
And now I'm sitting on the wall again
Watching
People on the pier
People on the beach
Just watching their lives unfold.
When I grow up
I'll be a writer
And maybe I'll write about
People like them.
Author notes
Written August 22nd, 2004
What did you think
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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Amazing!
Amazing write! Wow, I love how you can change the mood of the poem so quickly! It started out to be a cheeful poem, then it turned dark all of a sudden
Very good imagination! Thanks for sharing
James -
I loved how you kept the pattern throughout the entire poem, and went back to the first stanza at the end. I noticed you typed:
Just righing one of many wrongs.
I think righing is supposed to be righting. Just something I caught. Great poem, I loved the feel and emotion in it. Keep up the good work. -
i like the perspective you showed it from. maybe the repitition in every stanza was a distraction but overall a good write.
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Interesting write. Well if you want to be a writer you've started out well. I'm you didn't want to be a critique... your wit is as sharp as that knife.
Regards,
Leo Long -
7/10
its neat, I like the way you give a new perspective to things. You really give the "eye of the killer" new meaning. Good job, you don't see things like this too often,its refreshing. -
mysteriousy dark and so realistic it is scary
very nice peice...mysterious..and a lil dark..goes to show appearances are decieving..and innocences can be an illusion..i liked it..not fare that we can only applaud 3.. too many great writters... so i will just have to tell ya...i applaud this peice.
Edited on Aug 22, 1:15 p.m. because 'dang typist...'. -
Oh, I do like this! I think I've always been watching and listening and thinking maybe someday i'll be a writer and write about people like them too :-)
Can definately relate to being in the shadows observing.
Very well done, enjoyed this,
~ Wendy -
this is so creepy it made me cringe...but it was still a good write. you did a good job on this piece. keep up the good work and keep writing. good luck on future poems.
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reminds me of a lot of serial killers i have read about... definitely a chilling piece. i definitely wasnt expecting that! keep up the gr8 stuff!
hugs,
paddy n feral,
xxx -
amazing write!
YOu should fulfill your dreams of being a writer because to write a poem about being a writer is great! lol! I really like this.. it sent goosebumps all over me! This is really amazing and I absolutely loved it!
~Mary~ -
Excellent Write
Wow this was really dark - it reminded me of the Japanese film Ichi the Killer - Ichi is a timid scared little man, and nobody suspects he is a coldblooded killer (sick film by the way!LOL) I loved this how it started out nicely - the little boy watching people, but then going on to kill them....although you don't ever know what they did which was so bad!! Excellent write, thanks for sharing it! Luv Niky xx -
This started out so pleasantly, an innocent boy, people watching...
Then the sudden turning dark, sent shivers down my spine. Very good write, deldev....like reading an exposed diary or a detective story.
Lol.. and judging from this, you SHOULD be a writer when you 'grow up'
Cool poem
Dee
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i liked this.. no idea why but i did sorry i cant be any more critical
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