Blessings…..
Relaxed upon this sunny sward where springflowers
scent the air
And music from the gurgling water lulls,
A pleasant languor all-pervading, trance-like,
everywhere
The mind enslaves and all the senses dulls.
Where weeping willows overhead their wicker
tendrils droop
To greet me and my sweetheart in our bliss,
Her lips add greeting sweeter still to mine
and o’er me stoop
To murmur on my mouth with loving kiss.
In this idyllic spot my love and I have
not a care;
No worry violates our joy supreme.
Our rapture will not tarnish with the passing
of the year
Nor vanish like the waters of the stream.
Not wealth nor power will blessings, happiness
or comfort bring;
Relaxed, with love and beauty, I have more
than any king.
Hugh Wyles, August 20th. 2004.
Author notes
The metrical scheme is a bold iambic septameter alternating with pentameter lines and a final couplet in septameter.
Rhyming scheme is abab,cdcd, efef, gg.
Thanks to nogenreneeded for the picture and background which inspired me to write this poem.
Readers, please refer to her companion Sonnet (Wyleian IX)
allpoetry.com/poem/775984
Written August 20th, 2004
In a list
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1 - 21 of 21
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Dear Pari,
You are welcome at any time to 'steal' any of my writes for PEACECHAIN which is a good cause. And I am already praying for you my darling. Take care and don't overtax your self or your eyes so much.
Love and hugs, God bless you. XXX Hugh.
Edited on Sep 04, 2:21 p.m. because ''. -
can i steal this for the peace page
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This is so romantic, Hugh.... it's easy to imagine being there under those weeping willows, quiet, serene surroundings, the scent of love in the air....
A beautiful poem.
Dee
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the descriptions are so lovely how I woul love to be in such a plae. sounds like heaven
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Dear Del,
Thankyou for your suggestions but 1. ~~X is just as valid as ~X as an iambic foot and is often used for relief from a steady ~X~X~X~X~X (boring) beat.
2. A pleasant languor........the senses dull? Not the way I was taught grammar.
3. If 'care' and 'year' were not acceptable rhymes you could chuck out half of our english poetry which has much more audacious rhyming.
4. Not wealth nor power will blessings, happiness or comfort bring
~ X ~ X ~ ~ X ~ X ~ X ~ X ~ X
where is the stumble?
I appreciate your attempts to "help" but I do hone. polish and edit my poetry before I post it and I have not asked for
any 'solution' or alternative wording on this occasion.
Edited on Aug 28, 4:35 because ''. -
intriguingly lvely
Relaxed upon this sunny sward where springflowers
scent the air
And music from the gurgling water lulls,
A pleasant languor all-pervading, trance-like,
everywhere
The mind enslaves and all the senses dulls.
I like this opening stanza and have no trouble eliding "springflowers" into two syllables to maintain 7 beats.
I would have opted for "waters lull" and "senses dull" for the rhyme scheme.
Where weeping willows overhead their wicker
tendrils droop
To greet me and my sweetheart in our bliss,
Her lips add greeting sweeter still to mine
and o’er me stoop
To murmur on my mouth with loving kiss.
this is an absolutely lovely stanza
In this idyllic spot my love and I have
not a care;
No worry violates our joy supreme.
Our rapture will not tarnish with the passing
of the year
Nor vanish like the waters of the stream.
Your "care/year" slant rhyme do not seem to detract anything for this reader.
Not wealth nor power will blessings, happiness
or comfort bring;
The above line is where I stumble a bit. I have no immediate suggestion, but I will cogitate on it and perhaps come up with a solution. With "blessings" and "happiness" in close proximity, the accents have to be wrenched to maintain meter. I know there must be a better wording for this line
Relaxed, with love and beauty, I have more
than any king.
Overall I really liked this sonnet variation and the content is done in a fresh and interesting way. I am partial to metrical poetry and am working my tail off to be better at it.
Kind regards,
Del
Edited on Aug 27, 6:04 p.m. because ''. -
Dear Aeolian Song,
I don't know how you are reading the poem but if read correctly the accents all fall naturally on strong syllables.
Please give me examples of where you 'stumble' in reading it.
Thankyou for your comment. -
lol, i saw the distinct difference in the sonnet form that set it apart from other sonnets, but because i read the title, then jumped straight into the pome, i kept thinking, "so who's Wyle", then i saw the name at the end. lolol
you know, "Wyleian" is probably not right considering your the "s" in your name. for instance, if "shakespere" was actually "shakesperes", the "shakesperian sonnet" would end up being "shakesperzian sonnet". so, in hopes to help you not get confused with another future genius sonneteer by the name of "Wyle" instad, i would suggest you call these "Wylezian Sonnets".
ah... semantics. i loooove semantics.
one, i like the uniqueness of this sonnet variance you've got here. i have a friend, in fact, who will take a keen interest in what you're up to, i'll point him to this poem and come back later to see what he said.
two, you're using some words that are inherently unaccented in a few accented positions in the meter. this causes a bit of a stumble when reading. one way i think this could be improved is to make sure your extended lines are strictly four syllable bi-meters (for this poem anyway).
as for the content, this is a nice romantic poem, refreshingly unique in its approach, voice and imagery. -
Dear Jane,
Right! I have noted that next time you are drowning, I am to avoid mouth-to-mouth resuscitation. I will employ other means to restore you to life. Meanwhile, to show that I appreciate your critique, I have supplanted 'fasten' with 'murmur' to soften the rugged kiwi expression of which you disapproved.
Love and hugs, Hugh.
Edited on Aug 26, 5:29 p.m. because ''. -
Perhaps it is the wraparound that throws me just a bit, but tiny flecks of hmmmm kept this from being as romantic as it could read. It was just little things but I found myself less than in love with the idea of stooping lips that fasten. It seemed a more rugged feel than the rest of the tenderness you've created.
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This is profoundly beautiful... I don't write romantic poetry very often precisely because I can't write like this!! Perhaps it's time to read more of your stuff and get a better idea of how the style works so well.
Many thanks for sharing - you made my morning taking calls here in Leeds a lot more bearable than it otherwise would have been!
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Two gems, both this and the other supported by the same lovely background. This one swept me into another world, one of sweet tranquility and beauty- so wonderfully written Keep writing because this was fantastic
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What a wonderful poem. So nice to be swept away into a wonder land.
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Hugh this took me your pretty little stream, and I lay in the coolness of the shade and was invigorated. Truly a beautiful, sweet write, and the background is spectactular (blessings to nogenreneeded for that ) Take Care my Friend, Catressa
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Dear Kimberley,
Thankyou and bless you.
Love and hugs, XXX Hugh. -
Long forgotten Hugh!! I remember nothing!
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Dear Kimberley,
I appreciate this comment very sincerely and you will understand why. I respect you for it and thank you.
I ask that my past miscalculations be forgiven.
Yours sincerely, Hugh Wyles.
Edited on Aug 22, 1:31 because ''. -
This is very beautiful. The flow and imagery created here was so serene and yet had those sights and sounds and hints of romance and love in the air. Very impressive.
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Hugh, brilliantly written with beautiful words. I love all the ones you are writing lately, each new one you write I admire more~Love~Joan~
Edited on Aug 21, 7:41 because 'missed some words'. -
Beautiful sonnet, gorgeous background!
The place you talk about seems to be a paradise and to share it with someone you love would be just fantastic!
Hugh and Susan, Fred and Ginger from poetry
Kisses and love,
Mari
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Hugh -
I knew when I saw this picture that the romance in it would appeal to you and your generous heart. And I was not disappointed in the least. I think that you are looking forward to the coming spring.
I like the mix of meter in this. i think I will have to see what other pictures I can dig up...
Wonderfully done my friend, I applaud your romantic spirit and this poem.
Your forever Gen
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