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Heart Requiem

Here lie the shattered remnants
Of my freshly perished heart
Which lived only to die in vain;
Today, beneath the bitter earth,
I'll entomb each frail particle
Alongside its memories of pain

Under a blanket of doleful weight
Crushing its custodial outer shell,
Fortitude would draw its final breath;
Offering naught but tender affections,
Repudiation from sources extrinsic
Spurs this organ to quick, muted death

Farewell, my sorrowful, forsaken entity;
May the pulsations once subsisting you
Coagulate as eerie weeping dies down...
I'll beseech heaven to guide your way,
Uttering prayers for peaceful resurrection
To smooth away your etched, eternal frown

As terminal rhythms thrum incessantly,
My only reminder of advancing expiration,
Strangled whispers confer upon you peace...
Hollowed to a world once embracing me,
Hands grip serrated shards, piercing until
Suffocated by grief, this life will cease.

 

Author notes

goodbye to my heart, so valiant though it received a lambasting by love gone wrong.

some days, I don't feel like I have the energy to believe in love anymore.

If you reach this through the featured box, please be kind and leave a comment (although I prefer something other than the trite "nice write"). You gain extra points, and I will return the favor to you as well.
Written August 20th, 2004

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Comments

1 - 42 of 42

  • UntitledScream
    April 20, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I love how you start with the kind of graveyard of hearts feel, I can truely relate to that. This is a sad piece, but beautifully penned, and one I can understand.
    Love Linzi


  • sunny day
    January 13, 2007

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    Raven, Another piece penned by you the almighty one, it touched my heart deeply. A love lost is the most painful feeling on earth. We feel as though we have no reason to go on. I say naught, we must move on with all the energy and strength we can muster. Never give up on love, don't forget those lines of Tennyson. This piece captured me from the title right on down to the very last word and as usual I am left in awe by your amazing way in which you make us feel with every stroke of your pen. Just like Pandora's Box, we must never give up hope and with hope our faith will stay strong. Your writing shows me a woman of great faith and to me that says you still have hope. I want to thank you for sharing this masterpiece with all of us. I'm happy that I finally got to stop by one of your works. I will try not to be away too long next time. As usual a standing ovation for you my dear sweet friend to go along with my applauses. Keep it flowing. Love and God bless, Joyce


  • FallenAngel09
    October 12, 2006
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    Thank you very much for entering this poem into my contest, your talent and hard work are very much appreciated. I loved this poem, the imagery was very vivid. I felt the piercing pain of this poem, and the words you used to describe the death of your heart, simply beautiful. I loved it and hope you do well in this contest.

    Tiphanie


  • pale-goldylocks
    March 10, 2006
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    man this is so true i dont like love right now. i dont agree with it because it has been taken away from me many times before. great poem


  • wishintreeUK
    June 2, 2005
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    Superb Poem!

    Raven, this is an emotional piece of work!

    The line that stands out the most to me is this:

    I'll entomb each frail particle
    Alongside its memories of pain

    Even in the throes of requited love, you still hold dear the precious love that once ran through your veins and kept your heart beating in rapture, joy and contentment.

    The whole poem is perfection, you have an outstanding ability to convey your deepest emotions in such a way, your reader is re-living each pain of the heart you yourself have suffered! I have the utmost admiration for your work, also, your personality and way of treating others, that in itself endears you to all who read your work. You always look for the positive in other poets work, this give needed encouragement and helps the poet to gain confidence to explore other avenues of writing.

    There is someone out there for you, so don't ever give up hope, your beautiful heart will beat in joy again.

    Bless You

    ~Katie~


  • Cara Rose
    May 30, 2005
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    These words sting ones heart in such a way very vivid and painful write. Hopefully since this was written last year your heart has had time to heal. You are a beautiful and strong woman!


  • sarah nyc
    May 21, 2005
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    Amazing

    I am so impressed by your work! I happened to stumble upon your author page and it intrigued me so I thought I’d give your poetry a good reading. I am completely in awe with this poem. It is filled with so much life. I can’t even begin to explain how much it speaks to me. I especially liked the lines,
    I'll beseech heaven to guide your way,
    Uttering prayers for peaceful resurrection
    To smooth away your etched, eternal frown

    Your format is really quite different from all that I have read before. Your use of imagery makes the poem come to life. I feel numb at first, and then I see the blood. This is really exceptional! I look forward to reading more of your work!


  • Poet Raja
    May 21, 2005
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    Touching!!!

    At your age Goddess of love, you should not be so forlorn. In life we live and learn and in love relationship we love and learn. Heart broken does not mean our heart is dead, it simply means we have learned a lesson needed to be learned.

    Till I was forty-nine I did not believe in love. Here we are used to arranged marriages and most of the love marriages failed miserably, while most of the arranged marriages did not.

    Since forty-nine I have fallen in love three times and all the three times it was unrequited. They were good friends but refused my love. Three times heart broken but I learned my lesson. Don't go after love, let it come looking for you.

    Hope love comes knocking your door soon.

    Love and blessings from India - Joel -


  • In Vivo
    May 21, 2005
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    wow! sp much drama involved in this piece. your ability to describe the heart as something dying within you is truly outstanding. I noticed there is hope in all this despair, it is maybe that in another life things will be different, in a ressurection things could be much better off.
    "I'll beseech heaven to guide your way,
    Uttering prayers for peaceful resurrection
    To smooth away your etched, eternal frown"

    This was a a dark, sad yet powerful and extremely strong write. For someone whos heart has perished you still can write with the heart of a lion.

    All my best


  • Touchof1der silver member
    May 19, 2005
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    My dearest and most beautiful Raven... your heart will never perish until this life is over. Until such a time that one special man comes into your life and fills in the gaps that remain empty, your life will continue to flourish in the light and love of your many friends. We aren't a substitute honey, we are just what you have at the moment and you are dear to so many. I love you girl!
    ♥ Kimberly


  • May 19, 2005
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    I definitely like.What really captured me was its complex form
    and your use of words.It truely deserves adulation.

  • Golfer
    May 19, 2005
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    good!

  • mina nagi
    May 19, 2005
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    Rave as always, this is masterfully done...flawlessly constructed, beautifully penned, and a joy to read...
    mina


  • Total Spooky TOWN
    May 18, 2005
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    wonderful

    i loved it..as i was reading its like i felt all of it..wonderful job.

  • midnight rain
    May 18, 2005
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    stellar

    I wont give you the usual 'nice write' because you did a wonderful job with this piece. The imagery is exquisite and the style I have never seen before. Although I am very sorry that is was pain that was your inspiration for this piece. Its a shame that someone so gifted so be hurt as badly as to make them bury their heart deep in the earth...I pray that you shall heal with good time and great friends. Keep up the wonderful work. I look forward to reading more of it in the near future. Keep your chin up and your nose down (physically) (just to make you smile a little, hope it worked ;-D)...Peace be to those whose hearts bleed the pure blood of lost love.
    Bre*Auna


  • 1-Winged-Angel
    May 18, 2005
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    This is a good poem. I must say i enjoyed reading it. Its very expressive . Good job and keep up the good work


  • PurpleAnarch
    May 18, 2005
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    wow. the way it was written, it sort of crumbles out of ones mouth. the words are whole, and fit, sort of ring together. you have a good sense of how to form a poem. it didn't sound disjointed or anything.....
    i also liked the position taken. the person. strangely.... hm. I don't know. subjective. very nice.


  • leo2
    May 18, 2005
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    This is one of those poems that can't be comprehended in one simple glance. The form is more complex than most I've read recently. The word usage is a bit 'high brow' for me but it fits well within the framework of the piece. The message is extremely sad and yet you give it a certain dignity as any heart should have. I think this is proof positive that your heart's not dead..... just sleeping. Waiting for that special someone to revive it.

    Sincerely,
    Leo Long
    ps. Thanks for reading and commenting on my work. I do appreciate it.


  • The Shepard
    May 18, 2005
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    So much said in such bold an expressionate words. This is truely a work of art. Great job. I'm definately looking forward to reading more of your future work.

  • Theasp
    May 18, 2005
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    Very nice

    normally don't like this type of poetry, but me thinks my mind it is a changing, a good write


  • Osarkon
    May 18, 2005
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    Very moving

    The feeling of bitterness really shines through in this poem, particularly liked the lines
    'Hollowed to a world once embracing me,
    Hands grip serrated shards, piercing until
    Suffocated by grief, this life must cease.' Very emotional write, keep it up. - Osarkon

  • zee1
    May 18, 2005
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    good

    a moving piece, something of an epitaph

  • Pond
    May 18, 2005
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    Aye - Here is perfect evidence that pain is, perhaps too often, our greatest source of inspiration. Pain, much like love, is pure and often evokes purity in our words. You make excellent use of several poetic devices, without overdoing it. Beautiful alliteration, consonance, etc..("freshly perished...", "crushing custodial," "hollowed to a world.") One suggestion, I almost think this poem is better w/o your first stanza. The rest of your piece describes, quite articulately, your "freshly perished heart", without actually having to introduce it in this way.

    Well done.


  • Paint this Town Red
    May 18, 2005
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    wow this is a very powerful poem and is very very good x


  • The Black Iris
    May 18, 2005
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    This poem is very moving, that language and imagery is fabulous. i felt very moved by all the emotion that seems to be cojntained in theis piece. I enjoyed the flow of the piece and how you seemd to let the poem run into itself by using the enjambement. Truly wonderful.

  • ihateyourmom
    May 18, 2005
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    Touching.

    i must say that i was deeply moved by this piece. it touched my heart. i was once in your possition. this poem's mood is so perfectly set. i'm definitely going to check out more of your work. i like to read poetry, but i love...to read great poetry.


  • Cat
    May 18, 2005
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    Under a blanket of doleful weight
    Crushing its custodial outer shell,
    Fortitude would draw its final breath;

    This is nice.
    M


  • Child of Decay
    May 18, 2005
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    Wonderful.

    This was beautifully bitter. The words and phrases you used flowed together extremely well, and let us watch as the heart died. You used wonderful imagery as well. You did a brilliant job.

    ~Laura~


  • May 18, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    So much said in these lines, very insightful. I think that you showed great emotion within your lines and I liked it alot. Very heartfelt. Take care, Lissa


  • Airtightchick
    May 18, 2005
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    Rocked

    Ohh my gosh, you need to enter that into a poetry mag, or something. I promise that will win!! It is the best one I have read in months!


  • Minstrel Knight
    May 18, 2005
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    I'd love to leave a really long insightful comment here but i find myself at a loss of words. Great job. Your words are very beautiful and powerful, this really made me sad. Great job with this poem though.


  • Johnny Wheeler
    May 18, 2005
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    Powerful emotions here

    Dearest Raven,
    This write grabs at my heart and doesn't let go Your words brought tears to my eyes. Your words are not merely words...you have etched your inner most feelings. Each and every line held my attention. You truly are a gifted poet. I wish you peace of heart my friend, I also mourn your heart Thank you for sharing this particular write. Thank you for reading and commenting on my writes, it really means a lot to me
    --Johnny


  • masterblaster gold member
    May 18, 2005
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    Hi, great write, sorry it did not work out, sad when we think it's the love of our lives only to find out it was not meant to last, a very good write, all the best, Di


  • The Eros
    May 18, 2005
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    Broken heart! Yet we not do justice with this ‘entity’ and continue to pursue its ease by loving, I think the poem was very well penned; the choices of word complimented the situation and the complexity of emotions. How we try but this heart itself lures us astray, well done!


  • Samplette gold member
    May 18, 2005
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    Sadness fills this gorgeous poem of yours. Matters of the heart are never easy. Your imagery allows us to not only see, but feel your pain. It is a place I have been, and I don't want to visit again. Keep hope alive, and love will come to you like a whirlwind, when you least expect it. Bless you dear. Great write.
    Sam


  • Imokon
    May 18, 2005
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    I think you knew how to use your vocabulary well, I'm not too fond of the ryhme scheme here (simply because I don't like traditional ryhme, nothing about your poem) but it did flow well. It didn't seem forced.
    It's kind of interesting that you are speaking to and about your heart. Poetic yet jaded. That's a good twist that took it far from cliched.


  • AgeofAquarius
    May 18, 2005
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    ((((( HUG ))))

    Hey sweetheart ...I read this and I could feel ya. I know those feelings too well... Keep in mind love reality does'nt make you, you make IT by how you feel about what you DO have instead of what you don't... Excellent, I mean REALLY excellent, record of where you are today, only God knows where you'll be tomorrow... ;o) KODN ( kiss on da nose)... It's a poetic curse to feel and be able to describe things so deeply in your heart K, don't forget the things you have the gift for being able to describe are not reality, they're just expressions of how it feels to feel what you do...
    Edited on May 18, 12:05 because 'not enuf sed... ;o)'.


  • -Miss-Samantha-
    May 18, 2005
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    that was really sad. i like it very much though. excellent job. good luck in the future and keep it up.


  • Cyanide Milkshake
    May 18, 2005
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    Holy hell, that was brilliant. The wording and the images...wowowow. I wish i could write as eloquently as this. You got the pain and heartbreak across so well.. i know the feeling Excellent! x


  • E A Collins
    May 18, 2005
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    Compelling

    The places where we are scarred build extra tissue . It is the organic way of protecting what was once vulnerable , encasing this area in a hardened sheath. The soul must be much likened unto a tree, growing rough new bark over old wounds.


  • teardrop gold member
    May 18, 2005
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    Raven!! > <


  • poet107
    May 17, 2005
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    excellent

    first I would like to say that this is a very VERY well written poem..you poored all of you into this..EXCELLENT word choice..well penned..a heart that is scared..can only becomes stronger..energy will go where it's aimed..!..well done here ..BLESSING my poet friend..larry

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