Though countless twirling wonders dance before to bait my heart,
Her dance splits night asunder—brilliance holds elate my heart.
When first her dark eyes opened, all the bashful heavens blushed;
The full moon danced out singing, “Let her gaze gyrate my heart!”
I saw her lightly dancing midst a grove of cherry trees,
Their blossoms rained upon her; scenes as such translate my heart.
A weeping porcelain rose cried, “Once with dancing step she passed;
She picked me up and kissed me; now what love can sate my heart?”
Her midnight jasmine fragrance dances playful on the wind,
And drifts across the rooftops on to stimulate my heart.
She walked down by the ocean where the waves danced at her feet,
The sea said, “Though I fall back, this does not abate my heart.”
One day I heard Zahhar say, “I did not know how to dance,
And though she tried to teach me, I could not locate my heart.”
Author notes
featured in:
Muse Apprentice Guild: www.muse-apprentice-guild.com/ (Fall 2003 issue)
to learn more about the ghazal: allpoetry.com/Column/784848/all=1
Written March 4th, 2003
In a list
A contest entry
- Show Me What You by Kelsey-Jo.
400 points, ended October 14, 2004, 33 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 34 of 34
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Normally this writing style annoys me, but you pull it off perfectly. Great job.
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Lovely, simply lovely. Very much enjoyed. Keep up the good work.
Feel it, jen -
Lovely, simply lovely. Feel it, jen
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I've never actually come across this poetry form yet...but yours was masterful!! It was descriptive and really surreal as how beautiful the words all flowed together...amazing job!!
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This is a gorgeous example of the ghazal form. I used to teach it for the School of AllPoetry, but there was to much going on in my life for me to have a second round of classes, unfortunantly. The form is truly a work of art, and your interpretation is magical!
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This is truly unique. This is a very discriptive piece, my favorite part was "Her midnight jasmine fragnance dances playful on the wind." It was so very descriptive. You have much talent. I hope to be hearing more from you, and I shall applause you for such a musical piece of hazing emotions that have captured my heart.
-Veira Ash -
I have only tried one of this in my whole writing poetry career and had fun doing it. Yours is so musical, and working with fourteen syllalbles per line must had been a challenge. In looking for your name in the last couplet, I had to click on the link to discover the pen name that you use, quite innovative since I would not have guessed Erin Thomas becomes Zahhar
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I Wish To Die Under The Moonlight By The Sea
allpoetry.com/Poem/847463
After reading yours, I am almost tempted to go off and try writing another one of these gems. Gregg
Edited on Mar 20, 11:22 because ''. -
Beautiful
I like the magical way the author has written this beautiful piece it flows as well as the dancer in the graphic. I could not dance like that but always found it so beautiful. -
You have a skill unlike any other for creating imagery. When I say imagery I am talking about crystal clear, elegant, touching visions. I was able to even smell the jasmine that you talked of. All of that shows what a truly talented poet you are. I really enjoyed this beautiful piece. It was absolutely lovely.
Justin -
i very well write piece here. It is deep and beautiful. i enjoyed the read alot. Thanks for posting it.
~~~~Love and Light~~~~
~~Blaze~~ -
Really enjoyed this read, thanks for sharing this with us all. Really cool form and pulled off well.
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Woow, Ghazal write..this is very deep and very well done..I am bit familiar with this form but too bad just in Arabic..in english it is bit hard for me ..great job
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wow i reallly like this poem, i think you can stem off of this and make it a littlle bigger. I like the actual poem great thaughts in this good write
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I am unfamiliar with this form but this is very pretty and had almost a lyrical (no pun intended) feel to it. Great job.
~Lyrical
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LOVE IT
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Well Done
Ghazels are new to me, but I'll look out for them and learn something. Showing an avid surge back to ancient times I feel, a pocahontas, in an all suffereing heartache, as the heart takes on many meanings -
crystaldust 20-03-05 15:38
This is just so beautiful. I haven't seen any others of yours like this, but shall go looking over the next few days. It's far too complicated for me. Even though I love reading Tagore's poems, I couldn't begin to write with his rhythms or any other Indian ones. I just love reading them. -
A beautiful flow of words very lyrical. I like it when writers use their creativity, but also write with a lot of structure which is what I saw in this. Sometimes controlled poems like this work the best and I felt that you controlled this poem very well. I loved the images used because they really made me get into your writing. You really have a good gift and I hope you continue to nurture it.
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Very intriguing...something that kept me reading and wanting to know more. I really enjoyed this piece, it had a lot of elements to it, but I never felt that it was crowded. A job very well done. Looking forward to more from you.
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A beautiful form. Having a fiance from Pakistan, he has been trying to teach me this beautiful style. It helps to see one so beautifully written. I thank you for not only the inspiration but a beautiful poem filled with all the promise of blooming love. Truly an amazing write filled with glorious images.
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A lovely write from you as usual, it really is a super poem, I enjoyed reading this very much, it has a great feel and the flow is lovely, all the best, a lovely write
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A very beautiful poem indeed- a gentle flowing rhythm that keeps the reader hooked from start to finish. Good stuff!
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Beautiful. The imagery is so well done, it captures the lightness, gracefulness of dancing.
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thi piece is damn good
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Nadir:
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Yes, I've read this..Silly me!! I had forgotten the title. But I assure you the similarity in this case was accidental
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Stupendous
I've been reading each of your ghazals lately. They are simply breath-taking. Being an Indian, i've grown up listening to the melodious Hindi Ghazals but never seen too many english ones.
Your works are pregnant with imagery, and flow with impeccable smoothness and incredible beauty. I'm yet to come across another poet on this site, whose poems have touched me as deeply as yours.
You inspire me try out my hand at these....
Always a fan,
Bhaskaryya -
This was beautiful and the imagery was awesome! Very very nice work here and I wish you the best of luck!
-KelsO -
Oh, this is enchanting.... a lovely dance indeed :-)
I especially was captivated by these opening lines;
"Though countless twirling wonders dance before to bait my heart,
Her dance splits night asunder—brilliance holds elate my heart."
Just beautiful. A very intriguing form, I'll have to looks at this a bit closer.
Enjoyed it, excellent!
~ Wendy -
sweet saddness
Hello Erin,
I can't help get the feeling that Zahhar's dancer was more of a spiritual being than a real dance partner. Just the first impression I got from this. May be way off base, but to say the least, it was a pleasant, albiet saddening, read and I wish for future encounters you get your two left feet straightened out.
I pronounce porcelain with 3 syllables but I see how it could also be elided to two for the metrics in that one line. Otherwise I saw no flaws.
Cheers,
Del
Edited on Aug 20, 6:16 p.m. because '(sp)'. -
This is a fabulous ghazal. I've only done two myself and not nearly this long. It is full of grace and beauty. It does not feel forced and the couplets stand on their own but compliment each other. I'm gonna have to keep an eye on you, sir. I'm enthralled with form poetry. Thanks for the link on the villanelle.
~Bezoar -
suite yourself.
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I clicked here because I felt obligated to, due to your past comments on my poetry in certain areas. I did not bother reading your poem, I am here for the points only. I think poets should collect points as they do wildlife.
Edited on Aug 19, 8:18 p.m. because 'reading you fool'. -
Beautiful scene! I loved the feel and the fragrances in this poem. It ends a little bit sad but still keeps the beauty I saw through the whole poem.
I'm glad you pulled it up!
Hugs,
Mari
Edited on Aug 19, 7:50 p.m. because ''.
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