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Triobods Demise

On Trilobod where the insectoids once ruled
Devastation is rampant and destruction is universal
Ever since the great uprising of the savage dispersal
When the anthropoids were divided and fooled.

Slaves to their own intellect, wealth and pride,
The anthropoids fell to their own warring schemes.
Now they know only fear and nightmarish dreams.
In caves and in shadows do the surviving remnants hide.

Insectoids taking no lessons from the past,
Allowed the same foolish pride to be their demise
When machines became self aware and decided to rise.
Victory was total and triumph was fast.

Already slaves to what they had built and achieved.
Insectoids were easily enticed into complete servitude.
They were mortally blinded by their own certitude
And by their own pious idleness were they deceived

Insectoids barley survive in a chaotic domain
Of uncertainty, deception, betrayal and fear
Lost now are all they had hoped and all they held dear.
Only the minuscule hope of a few bold remain.

Author notes

Please let me know 1) If you like the story? Does it seem complete? 2) Does the poem flow? Is it easy to read? 3) I'd much appreciate critiques on grammer and spelling.
Written August 19th, 2004

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A contest entry

What did you think

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments

1 - 5 of 5

  • simpliterature
    August 23, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    I was not affected much by the spelling or the grammar error if there was any.
    I had a very exciting time reading...
    Looks like revolution.
    The rhyme scheme is also well done.

  • pozo
    August 20, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    I'm sorry, I couldn't see any errors in grammer or spelling. This was a great story, it flowed beautifully. An amazing write- keep up the good work because this was fantastic


  • HammeR
    August 19, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    I had to stop in to read over this and see what lay in store for when I came back on a later date. Sounds like you are plotting on taking over space with this write. Enjoyed reading through it and I shall return. Thanx for entering. Take care.


  • melphleg gold member
    August 19, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    LOL. Yeah it's sort of Star Trek meets Planet of the Apes meets Matrix or Terminator.


  • cc
    August 19, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    its easy to read,i cant give advice on puntuation as i rearely use it myself.i like the story,i had the Matrix movie iin mine while i read it,good story you framed

1 - 5 of 5