a ribbon of stars
churns across the speckled night
revealing the way
failing to follow this path
will fold our dust in magma
Author notes
Written August 18th, 2004
In a list
Thoughts, Feelings, Interpretations, Experience:
Comments
1 - 19 of 19
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good job
Very nice tanka sir, well done. I’m starting to like your form in the eastern images.
SirPort
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oh! well that makes sense now.... you had me going....what the crap!....LOL!.... got you now...
KAY -
if our entire human existence plays out on this rock, or even just in this solar system, then a few million years after the last human being passes away, other beings could come along from another star system and find absolutely no evidence that humans ever were. there will be no legacy. there will be nothiing. just the dust of all we were and all we accomplished long since folded back into the magma of our world, every possible shred of evidence that we ever were wiped from existence. if we want to fare better than this, then we must go to the stars.
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reaching out to the stars?..... and how does that have to with the human race?
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faring out to the stars.
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How do mean by starfaring?
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what the poem is indicating is that, in time, if we humans don't become a starfaring race of beings, not one iota of evidence will remain to show we ever existed.
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Genious
I agree with the first comment on here... the first three lines are positive and the next two seem quite negative compared to the first three... if that makes any sense....lol.
This one promises a metaphore but I just wanted to state that we have alot of nights like that in Alabama.....beautiful....
Written by a genious....lol
Edited on Mar 09, 8:52 p.m. because ''. -
Quite the transition.
Jake -
great write
hello poet..this is a very well written tanka..you gave great imagery here for the reader..and your message rings loud..I'm new to the site..haven't seen many here..very well done poet..larry -
hiyaaaaaa
thanx that u explained me the meaning
your job is wonderful -
Wow, what a beautiful choice of words in this poem is presented. The imagery is great. You make reading a joy for the reader of your poetry. Thank you for sharing your gift of poetry here on AP. It is a real pleasure to meet you. UPDATE: Yep, this is tanka! It has 5-7-5-7-7 syllables which is exactly how tanka is written and thus it has a total of 31 syllables. I admire this tanka. It is just so wonderfully imagined. The third line, "revealing the way" is the pivot. It is beautiful, I must say once again, I am DELIGHTED to meet you here!
Edited on Dec 14, 11:05 because 'Update of my comment'. -
yup, tanka.
that is until someone proves to me it's not.
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Fascinating. I love the imagery. I'm not going to tell you what it first made me think of cause then I'd sound dumb on your poem's page. A very nice write. I'm not sure of the form.. Is it a tanka?
~Bezoar -
I like this... very tight writing. A beautiful piece.
Enjoyed,
~ Wendy -
i'm not reallys ure what the message is supposed to be,but the imagery is amazing keep it up,heh...
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I prefer a fullmoon night but in this case (your tanka) a moonless night worked well. It started with a positive thought then you turned it into a hopeless road, dark and sad.
Cheer up, look up and see the moon lighting your way
Hugs,
Mari
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hmm I may be wrong but it seems to be about having choices and being carful what you choose. anyway, nice imagery, I especially liked the first two lines. great work
x x x
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Good Poem
You have presented a choice of two roads here... one is a positive one, revelation in the making.. the other is a negative one, an adverse reaction in the making... hopefully we would choose the way that is revealing enough to make a difference in our lives, who would wish to wallow in the throes of the earths crust formation? it would be as though one had no life at all... this is a thought provoking read, well done!! ~Katie~
Edited on Aug 18, 7:32 because 'typo'.
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