There she is.
The girl of my dreams.
We could be so happy together
But it's harder than it seems.
Why is she with him?
He treats her so bad.
She would be my queen
I would never make her sad.
If only she weren't my best friend's girlfriend.
There she is.
Tears are streaking down her face.
She runs to me sobbing.
I quicken my pace.
She hands me the note
She found in his pocket.
Words of love from another,
She rips off her locket.
She turns to me
for a shoulder to cry on.
I hold her so close
While inisde I am dying.
If only she weren't my best friend's girlfriend.
There she is.
Running with open arms.
Today we sit and talk
I admire all her charms.
She says she's always liked me.
I smile and I lie
"I have thought about you once or twice."
With a gleam in my eye.
But I ask about him.
"You know he still loves you."
She says that it's over,
I pray that it is too.
If only she were my girlfriend.
There she is.
After a night of bliss.
To wake up holding her.
And savor every kiss.
As I drape my arm around her.
She says she loves my honesty.
She smiles while I cry inside.
The guilt envelopes me.
I stole my best friend's love
What kind of friend am I?
I'll cherish this time we have,
While inside I slowly die.
if only I hadn't written that note
and put it in his pocket.
Author notes
Option #5
She's nothing you'll ever know, succumbing to perfection, lost in translation
A contest entry
- The Trouble With Love by OnlyInMyDreams.
300 points, ended November 12, 2006, 39 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - [Sell me lie after lie, break my heart time after time, Tell me that you love me always] by over the rainbow--x.
525 points, ended January 19, 2008, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 52 of 52
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Ouch! lol
This was really good, like amazing, did not see that twist coming, very unexpected [=
finalist [=
♥
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Damn, i hope he doesn't read that! Or maybe he did and printed it and showed it to his liaison. L'amour est une salope.
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Wow. this was AMAZING, seriously, i thought it awas. This was a terrific entry to my contest. Great Great job and i wish you the best of luck
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That was a n awesome twist mate'. Loved it
made me think of one of my friends and me..ahh
anyways, have a good one!
~Alea
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Loved the twist. All I can think to say: BRA-VO! Great work!
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this is the greatest thing i have read in years, i wouldn't dare enter this contest with you as a possible opponent. this is pure genius and... wow, i can actually say that i am speechless, i just don't know what to say. this is just an amazing piece of work! the twist at the end made my heart skip a beat. i just can't get over it. amazing job
your friend
emily
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Ooo nice poem x lol I kinda done somethin like that once 2 0:0) u put it beautifully in to words though and it flowed really smoothly with a brill twist at the end/
Nice write sweetie x Keep it up x
Luv Lou
:0) -
omg this is amazing. ur wrong but great poem
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pretty thweet
This is scandalous! Oh my gosh! Please tell me it's a true story! I think you used plenty of tired rhymes but the story is good. Nice job, nike.
Arielle Giselle -
wow!! i LOVE this.. this is GREAT... LOVE the ending.. never saw that coming! if this is written from true life experience, i wish you good luk with the situation, always follow your heart though. good luk. and keep up the good writting! take care.
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This shiz rocks me socks!
Oh...wow...I'm shocked. This was awesome. I loved it. Great twist...just...wow...I'm seriously speechless. I can't really say anything critical...because I can't find anything...geez...did this really happen? -
You still 3 more days left before the end. I wouldn't start worrying until the end gets closer.
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ok this is a really great poem.. but idk wut to do your the only one that has entered this contest.. its called a comtest for a reason rite but u habe no one to contest with... wut should i do... do u have ne ideas???/ please help..
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That's beautiful. Like many others the twist in the end was brilliant! I didn't expect it either! Great work, keep it up!
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wow did not see that coming... great job.. i really liek it.. good lucki in the contest!
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hahahahha
I totally almost did that once.. who would have known it could have worked out the way this poem says.. dag yo.. that would have been awesome... oh well -
Excellent
WOW!!!! i absolutley LOVED that twist, for a minute i thought you had given away the twist in the beginning.. but that was very well done! I completley loved the betrayal in this love story, excellent! It sounds cruel, but i loved how a best friend would do something so evil just to get the girl he loved!
the form was very good aswell and flowed wonderfully, excellent write and i really did enjoy reading this poem.
Thank yu for entering and good luck!!
xXx
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awesome
That was totally twisted. I loved it... even better than the last twisted ending I read. So sweet too. All that because he liked a girl so much. That is purely sinful love. Great poem. -
excellent
Oh God! That's all I could say, speechless.... -
I LOVED IT!
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AWESOME! i LOVED it!
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ohh myy goodness. Well i guess this guy loves this girl enough to end a friendship with his bestfriend. wow. great job, flowed beautifully.
-allison -
I Loved it!!!! Beutiful Job and surprising ened. I like how you still showed feelings for your friend why you were with his girl friend.
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excellent!!!!!!!!
This poem is good i can totally feel what this is because i know how it is. I love this poem -
This was a great write! Like many, I too loved the twist at the end. It so sad tho to think of something like this happening, splitting a friendship instantly. Well anyway, great job!
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Hah, that was great. Becasue it was sneaky!I love your motto too. *waves cookie in front of your face* Rhyme something with 'orange'. *grins* *eats cookie while you suffer*
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wow. that was an awesome poem. I really enjoyed it!
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wow.... loved the twist! this was really awesome! great write
~*~Ashley~*~ -
This was good...I really liked the twist at the end. Nice story...well done
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Awesome twist at the end! Wow, what a surprise! I got goose pimples, I truely did! I read it to my boyfriend (not a poetry lover) and he said "That's fing awesome!"
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WOW! I am a big fan of suprise endings and you honey, did it! I am so impressed! I mean cold chills running down my arms! I mean wow! I agree with that one person's point of view all is fair in love and war!
All the love and luck in the world!
Kat -
3 T's...
I loved this. I was the girl in a situation like this w/ my second bf. Except it wasn't his best friend who wrote the note. another girl really did. his best friend was great and i can see that you really like her....great write great flow great poem -
That was an awesome poem. I loved the twist as well. It flowed nice and overall I think it was good. Well good luck in the contest and great write. ~Nikki
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whoaaa...this is really amazing...i love it =)
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Great Work
I was intrigued at the begginning, and your poem had nice progression, from an intial positive feeling, into guilt for her relationship, and ended it with that twist. I'm curious, is this how the sequence of events turned out for you? Great write, keep it up. -
Hey There,
Very good write.. this happens more often than people think.. it sounds weird but it's true. Fantastic twist in this, it worked very well in this case. Great write, and good luck in the contest =)
Becca -
this must have been a hard poem to right. But i can say that you worte this very well and it show that when we do something to other we only end up hurting ourself. great write. I enjoy it very much. I thnak you for sharing it
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Quiet emotional.
enjoyed reading this.
shaitus -
kind of reminds me of myself. i was in a really rough relationship but i for some reason didn't want to let it go, and i had a friend like the narrator, except he was gross and i didn't like him at all. but i had so many freaking friends, especially guy friends, who told me i'd find and deserve better, well here i am a year later. nothing's changed. so i really, really liked the way that the girl isn't alone, and that a guy actually decided to do something besides talk to her. i don't like the fact that he just wanted to get into her pants, that part sucked, but they both are happy at least for now.
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I really do like this for whatever reason, I can relate to this in a sense. When I was about 15 years old I have a very similar experience with a girl that I really thought I had feelings for. The flow was good I didnt slip up on any of the lines. Well anyway great job on this and keep up the good work. ...KraM...
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i love the twist at the end (and i do that sort of thing to my readers all the time...) well done...
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I'm a big believer in sometimes it's best to go after what you want. Alls fair in love and war.
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oh wow. destructive little lad you are.
this is great! i loved the ryming pattern, and the repetition *drools* (i like repetition very muchly.)
this is definetly worthy of the featured box.
once again- a beautiful poem. -
I enjoyed this one, good twist in the end
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Excellent
Wow, Hooked like a moth to a flame that is truly amazing! I love that! It is really superb I'm speechles Its incredible! -
If my best friend hooked up with my girlfriend, I would be ticked... but if my best friend was with the girl of my dreams... I would be miserable... GREAT JOB!!!!!
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OH MY GOSH....I enjoyed this emensely....I wasn't to fond of how you got the girl, but the story portrayed was completely riveting, simple in approach, yet completely enveloping from start to finish-bravo!
Mozaic -
Wow. Regret in the end. Was a hard way to get to the one that you loved. I like how it shows how such emotions can make you do things you were truly regret. It was summed up perfectly. You just... you did an excellent job. You used simple words and repeated somewhat but you didn't overdo it. Good luck in the contest!
Edited on Aug 17, 8:19 because 'Forgot one thing.'. -
Holy moly. That was cruel. But you are happy, and so is she...thats all that matters I guess. tricky tricky tricky. I agree with silver fox... manipulative. But if you have to have someone, the things you would do, I find it hot. But thats just me. lol. Nice write, I love the twist..Keep it up.
Sarah -
Great!
I definitely enjoyed the twist at the end! This is well written, I enjoyed it! -
I loved the twist at the end. Although I could understand the reasoning behind writing the letter, love is a powerful and strange emotion. It stops you thinking straight and makes you do the stupidist things. Usually, you don't feel guilt afterwards though because you're so glad you got what you wanted you don't always realise the damage it has done. I really enjoyed this, take care, Heather x
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I love the twist at the end. So manipulative, but it shows how people can do things for love that they would normally never consider. Maybe you could make this into a short story. But it doesn't have a whole lot content; nothing too original, at least. I changed my mind: keep it like it is. It was a pleasant distraction for a few minutes.
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