As here you scan this product of my mind
And seek relief from some anxiety,
There is no such relief for you to find
While reading words from this society;
The troubled minds of half a nation scar
The walls about you in a base display;
Foul scribbles from the crude ones near and far
Encompass you in putrefied array;
And, even tribal markings basely claim
Some ownership of this quaint place of rest
Amid the angry notes that weakly blame
Their fellows for some anguish in their breast;
The horror of our state is manifest
In such grim markings by the ill-possessed.
Author notes
Written August 10th, 2002
In a list
What did you think
Comments
1 - 45 of 45
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so sweet of a sonnet
brilliant, nonetheless.
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Glad you liked.
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WRITE MORE SONNETS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Haha. Yes maybe eventually, if I'm able to stay off the trampled path of sonnet themes. I wrote this just after reading Shakespeare's sonnets. You may detect some similarity in the way it's structured.
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How I haven't commented on a sonnet with the word "shithouse" in it is beyond me. lol. I expected nothing less than for the meter in this to be spotless, which of course it is, and it's a shame this is the only sonnet you have listed in your body of works, since you obviously do them well. But what I enjoyed about this most, aside from the technical accuracy of it, is the contemporary subject matter. There's nothing like bastardizing a rather victorian-minded form with a subject that grabs the audience by the throat and throttles them around a bit. It's unapologetic, and is really the first piece I've come across from you that didn't have a soft sort of undertone. I really liked that about this. Hopefully, in my search through your work, I'll run across more poems with a strong and totally "active" tone line this. Not only is the tone strong, the message is equally important. Just scan a few poems on AP and the vast majority would be about depression and wrist-cutting and all sorts of emotional baggage. Christ, I think I just depressed myself. lol.
The final line here is superb, mostly because the end-line rhyme in that couplet isn't obvious or contrived, and shows thought and dedication to the form. Let me know if you write more sonnets in the future. -
whimsical satire
I was curious of this sonnet, and tried to make some
sense of it, one has to read it well, it is modernistic, a satire at most , a little witchery of a place of sitting a muse..made me smile..the end was amusing..deft is your mind and quill...sorcerer of words.
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wow is all I can say.
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Wow, that was so wonderfully written...I'm in awe right now...it just has so much emotion and you got the point out very well. Keep up the good work, you're great at writing sonnets. (I haven't read any of your other work, so I don't know what to say about anything else).
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you use a wide range of vocabulary and express yourself well. Not really my style but you show a lot of talent. i did enjoy this piece though. well done
X Tragedy X -
thanks for the applause but still not a goofball....
KAy
(nose in air and arms crossed) -
very funny....LaughingOutLoud.....
KAY -
well i'm full of ... um ... surprises.
Edited on Mar 10, 9:07 p.m. because ''. -
Genious again!
HA! LOVE IT!...This is like my irritation driven poem "Cutting!"....there are so many poems written about how bad their life is and they always have someone to blame besides themselves....and the title is perfect because it has turned into a big pile of SHIT!....lol!...this one is going on my bookmarked list...lol! not something i was expecting to see by you Mr. Thomas....a pleasant suprise indeed.....lol!
KAY -
Like my mother always used to say..You find a fools name in public places!! Great write here,died laughing at the title--fair
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Amazing write!
Excellent write !!!!!!!You've written a powerful piece here -
you are forgiving indeed! -
I have to say, I didn't know what to expect from the title, and clicked on it wondering what I would find. You've written a powerful piece here, one that holds true to its form and brings its intended message home.
Nicely done... -
Fantastic
'The troubled minds of half a nation scar
The walls about you in a base display;
Foul scribbles from the crude ones near and far
Encompass you in putrefied array;'
Well, Mr. Thomas, I am so pleased to read your poetry that I guess I have to forgive your howling rant! So, because of Allen Ginberg, I have located another wonderful poet at this site! Hurrah!!
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wow you're going to surprise me with what you take a liking to. i have posted an article here "Some Alternatives to Rhyme" that you might enjoy.
i think the final couplet is a little separate from the poem in that it is a concluding remark on the rest of the content. today i use indentation in very experimental ways to see what the effect is on readers. when i wrote this, i had just finished reading each of shakespere's sonnets out loud three times or until i could do so smoothly. this process took me 9 months. -
This is a like a howitzer gun, mate! I like the voice, first person (but then omniscient) narrator is very interesting line. I am sure you will love "Ozymandias" (was it Keats?). Here narrator himself becomes a symbol, and gets inside the poem and comes out of it! Good dramatic effects...Rhyme alert:anxiety--society (for jarring effect) and your heroic couplet monosyllable rime heads GG (which are not pure as par CVC norms). "near and far" is kinda sing-song usage! And that enjambment immediately after is rusty! I am annoyed by the fact that you indented last two lines, but they don't look to be organically separate from the others!
I think this has a lot of potential.
Debashish
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I liked it very much, i'm not very good at judging or critisizing...but to me it was very well written.
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angel: almost finished with my current reading cycle! this means i'll be getting started on my creation cycle very soon. usually takes about a week for me to generate a new project poem. i'm dying to get back in the swing myself. been traveling and visiting a friend out of state. things are always interfering with my creative plans...
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I know what its like to only have one sonnet...but i guess I only have one cause I just wrote it last night. Ms. Nicole got me going on it since her and this mystery teacher of hers have been working on her...so i thought i would give it a shot.
I really enjoy all of your writings. Hope to see something new by you soon Erin.
Take care,
Tammy
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Well, Mr. Thomas, you've done it again. This evoked a sort of sadness in me, as I know that these words are true. I've never understood why people have to write such ugly things on restroom walls. It's as if people feel the need to make their mark, no matter how it's done. I wish the best to you, Erin.
Lots of love,
Nicole -
yeh this one was fun. the only sonnet i ever wrote.
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hahaha! fantastic. exelent writing.i've never known any writer that can use briliant words, and turn it into a rythimed epice that works! _
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I just had to visit your site after reading Nadir's tribute to your visit to him.I don't know how I got here, but since I love sonnets, I clicked on that part of your collection.Even though this is one of your older writes, it's written to perfectiion.Society, today is not filled with as many handwritten letters (Except the drivel that comes with Christmas Cards) Most are written via email. So if you don't like what you see, you push "delete"! I, too own a bambbo flute, can play it a bit, but I can't offer you any suggestions on how to preserve it. Mine is cracking too. I also have an old trunk, surrounded by old bamboo and over the years, it has cracked and shrunk.Maybe we should both go to
Ask Jeeves" on the internet!!! I too am a fan of Nadir and Hugh Wyles.Hugh writes beautiful sonnets with susanl. I am a new writer of poetry and am feeling my way.Somehow, I have won 3 trophies. I can't figure out how or why. LOL I call them my stickers, like the ones you get on your forhead in grade school for a job well-done! My next effort is to study those here who write sonnets, and learn how to write one. You're never too old to learn! I learned from reading your author's page that you are a perfectionist. I can see by reading just this one, so far, that you are, that. Thank you for sharing. Lindarose XOXO -
GOD! The Irony! lol.. this is great..llol..shithouse
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"As here you scan this product of my mind
And seek relief from some anxiety"
Isn't it a shame that people actually do that? I really admire the way you put it...It is like catchy and true yet poetically relieving to read.
I have to say: I admire the way you respect and attempt different meters, forms, and such. I would like too, but I am oh so glued on being easy and pacifying that I forget there is other ways to speaking.
Anywhow,
Take care,
decaf
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yeh! this one was fun!
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Unique
I love sonnets. Ive never seen one so very original. I believe everybody else took the words right out of my mouth. -
Haha! Brilliantly ironic social commentary, Erin!
Very, very, well done!
~G
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I would of changed base to blase but that would of meant messing with the count. Stopped me with that that thought as I was reading.
Do we not all seek that relief? Perhaps we should open a little more to others to let them in our world, maybe then we feel humility? Anger on the other hand is just negative. A good piece though, I admire that you speak your mind. -
I can tell this poem came from your feelings from your life, due, that I know some of your past. Very vivid vibant in words usage. Strong sentences, no choppy oones or deadwood. I hate deadwood. Like if someone said. "The young girl that was six years old got stuck in the empty dresser that had nothing in it" I want to chop off whoevers head who writes like this! stay in touch, comment my poems I promise to comment yours!
-Holly -
more sonnets, come on ;-)
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Bravo
This is a superb poem, the imagery that this piece conjures up is absolutely amazing. I usually freestyle my work but this piece is so inspiring I may experiment. -
LOL...Great write. I found a funny. I don't find those too often. Now, I understand that this is a shithouse sonnet, but which sonnet form is it written in? I'm too lazy to look it up myself. I'm guessing English.
~Bezoar -
I adore sonnets and I think you did an exceptional job on this. Some very original phrasing combinations while still maintaining the form. Nicely done.
Beautiful work,
~ Wendy -
holy cow, i wasn't expecting such a response to this one.
i've justed made some edits based on some of the comments i've seen here, and also based on an error i noticed. i'm leaving my two occurances of "And", however, Nadir.
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Man, I tell ya, I've seen some creative wall writings. At this one bathroom in my school's library, there's a bunch of little writing in the grout saying stuff like, "wanna make grout?" or "get grout of here"...really makes you think...just like you're poem...yeah, good job!
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Very well-formed sonnet. The subject is odd enough to make this one quite unique. I am not sure what the problem is with starting a line with "and". Gramatically you should not start a sentence with "and", but in poetry, and especially in sonnets, where sentences span many lines and where it is likely you want to separate distinct thoughts cleanly on those lines, "and" is perfectly acceptable and does not detract at all from the form or content.
I, myself have been "moved" to "drop" a load of verse concerning this very subject, butt since you have already taken care of it, I will just flush that idea. *groan* -
well what can i say. I like your poem that is for sure but as to write in that place I think that it is wrong for it is defaceing someonelse things. but as to you poem my friend i have to say that i think that you trully did it well. so please just keep on writing . for you do it so very well indeed. i thank you so very much for sharing it
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I really liked it. Took me a minute to get it, as I am blonde and a bit slow on the uptake.
Plus, it's way too early to use my brain anyway. lol. Great write. Keep up the great work!
God bless you,
~~~~~
Crosseyed387
~~~~~
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Absolutely brilliant!! The subject of 'writings on the wall' (as it would be XD) has been barely brushed across, and never written in such a sophisticated manner ^^
I'm no expert on sonnets, however, the rhythm and flow sounded wonderful, punctuated with witty jabs at society: 'quaint place of rest'. All round excellent piece! -
diSTINKtive
This was a "hoot" Erin,
My view of the scrawlings on the outhouse (and inhouse) walls is forever changed after reading this one.
Robert Frost (being my favorite poet) is the only guy I ever cut any slack for beginning a line with the "and" word, but substituting "to" in line two would change nothing, so here's your slack...kind sir.
The content seemed to demand the repetition of words like "scan" "relief" and "markings" but I see no viable alternatives to offer. The IP is well maintained throughout and the flow is impeccable with the possible exception of "Some ownership of this quaint place of rest". Seems a bit wrenched but not in an altogether unpleasant manner.
I have to hand it to you, sir...if anyone on this planet could make a sonnet out of this subject...it would be you.
Cheers,
Del
Edited on Aug 17, 2:34 because '(sp)'.
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