Falling
Everything is falling
Everyone is gone
World is slowly ending
Hope is quickly
G
O
N
E
with a fleeting smile
and not a parting word
A gentle touch
whispered promises
none of which were
K
E
P
T
in a shrinking cage
key locked away
A creature trapped in
Time And
S
P
A
C
E
Too much too little
A corner in the yard
there an abyss that leads to
DREAMS
Where time stood
Still
no more.
Author notes
My favorite piece so far.
Written August 12th, 2004
What did you think
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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very nice...i think its cool how it goes with the title...ya did a good job...keep it up..
-spanky- -
Very well written...I liked it very much...enjoyable read...and I espialy liked the formatting it set off the piece very nicely.
Roger -
It sound like you speak from a personal experience. I think the way you let the words slide doun the page way very interesting, it set a great visual stage.
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Creative!
I like the imigary you made with the words...it add a kind of suspense to the poem. Very creative! -
why did you pick the three words gone kept and space to descend down the page and no others? just wondering
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Original. Good form.
Though your first 8 lines are probably intended to set the background or scene for the poem, I am not overly enarmoured with them.
Maybe starting the poem at "Falling". To me that would set the tone perfectly.
The rest of the poem is touching and interesting with the first stanza ( I take it from "Falling" to "GONE") to be quite beatificly exquisite. -
Dude! That was cool. It's confusing and stuff. But the imagery is great, and it does describe a rabbit hole. Makes me think of Alice in Wonderland...you know, when SHE was going down the rabbit hole? This is really cool. I love it. Nice format.
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Wow! Interesting format, out of the normal for you. Very odd, but emotional. I saw everything that you were talking about. I love it. P.S. Hows the new house?
unloved~band~nerd -
Great! I really enjoyed reading it! The unique formatting not only made the poem more interesting, but it helped the imagery. Great job!
God bless you,
~~~~~
Crosseyed387
~~~~~
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How powerful!! Your words speak to me!! I love how you expressed this feeling! Truely down the rabbit hole!!
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nice imagery
This is good, it has a great imagery. I really like the way you shaped it... And really getting lost inside an abyss. Great work!
-Jess -
This is very very cool, I like how the words kinda wind down like the rabbit hole, and in my head I was saying like downnnnnn like going down, it flowed very well, I really like this!
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This is a very interesting piece...i like the creativity and unique perspective. The form works perfectly to accentuate the theme. I could definitely feel the falling down the rabbit hole sensation as i read this. Well done and much enjoyed.
UB
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