As the rain pours
My torment is revealed
As the rain pours
My faith and dreams are denied
This heartache hasn’t healed
Subtle glass is my shield
As the rain pours
Author notes
This is my first attempt at a Rondelet. Please let me know what you think.
If you've come here through featured, please comment. I'm using all my points here!
Written August 12th, 2004
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1 - 9 of 9
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I'm not quite familiar with the Rondelet yet - but it feels right (I've read a few of them but don't know exactly the rules of the form), and I liked it quite a bit. It just says so much in so few words.
Short and sweet and to the point! Thanks for commenting on "Walking Empty Halls". 
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Excellent!
I must admit, I am a novice to poetry and am not familiar with Rondelet. (I haven't gotten to that chapter in my book yet). But regardless, I really enjoyed your poem and feel that it is very well-written! I especially favor short poems. Just a personal preference. While many of the long ones are wonderful, I find myself losing interest if they go on too long. In my opinion, to be able to say a lot in as few words possible, is where the real talent lies. You have managed to accomplish that here. (And I need to take my own advice)! LOL!
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I like it it's simple and nice
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short and sweet but simply amazing...the delivery is impecable and I do prefer powerful short ones verses the long ones that ramble on, where you leave the reader wondering what the initial point was! Well done!
Mozaic -
Two thumbs up
great work, the rain pouring down set the mood for me. I saw the dark streets of some huge filfthy city in the throes of a thunderstorm. Every time the the thunder sounded, the flimsy window in front of me shook. thats the picture it painted for me. -
Hey, nice thought i like your idea better than mine...i think i'll edit out "down outside". Thanks for your comment.
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wow...it simply sums up the pain. i wrote a poem called "fading hope and crappy reality" and another called "rainy night"
it's like thier summary (i'm sure your poem has nothing to do with either of mine)
i really liked this poem, i jabbered on for forever on one poem, and this is so simple and good. great great job. i applaud! -
Nicely written. Suggestion: Go stand in the rain, it helps! Well done though. Powerful.
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I really like this. I do think that you can eliminate "down outside"... rain always goes down and it is always outside... unless there is a leak in the roof. Try:
as the rain pours
my torment is revealed
as the rain pours
my faith and dreams are denied
this heartache hasn't healed
subtle glass is my shield
as the rain pours
This has an improved rhythm as well and makes the repetition less awkward.
Nice thoughts in this poem. I really enjoyed it.
Don
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