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The boy next door

The boy next door he came to be
The man I sought but couldn't see
Ignored the feelings that grew inside
Kept on saying you’ll never find
Selfless comfort, warmth or trust
Only heartache, misery and lust
Let you in once than pulled you away
Tried to leave then, but decided to stay
When dusk turned to dawn
My body gave way
My mind finally sighed
When I heard him say
Three words I had longed to hear
Wrapped up, embraced, void of fear
My soul wept
Rapture not sorrow
Cascading,
Descending,
When the sun of tomorrow
Peered out of the sky
He kissed my tears so tender
One of many, endless goodbyes

Author notes

My first try at a love poem, I have never written something while happy. Hope you like it. And I am actually in love with the boy next door!!
Written August 10th, 2004

A contest entry

What did you think

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 8 of 8
  • Anonamus
    January 9, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    She did show it to me, and it made me feel very special. I was supposed to write one for her but I am a lazy ass and she is writing this for me because I suck large!!


  • Your Messiah
    August 26, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Wow. This was indeed flawless. But I'm not speechless and I mean that in a good way I hate when people leave little ickle comments that just says "great job" or "good write" PAH! I'm going to tell you exactly what I liked about it.
    First of all, there's the fact that I can relate very well to it. And I like the idea of when is known as beautiful to the human eye, might no be so beautiful to the human soul. Anyone can hurt, no matter how "perfect" they are made out to be. The point is, people hurt people and don't care if they do it again and I like the way you captured that. Well done. Good write and keep it up

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Cat~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  • FullofEnergy317
    August 18, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Great write. I loved it. Beautiful. keep up the great work.

  • Batgirl1979
    August 12, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Thanks for the heads up, spell check doesn't catch those, and I wrote in on here fairly fast, glad you liked it.


  • Diamond
    August 12, 2004
    Edit | Reply

    Sweet Write

    I love this write, it is so romantic how the boy next door came to be the man you sought but couldn't see. I really enjoyed this poem. It is sweet and innocent at the same time. Thanks for sharing and the best of luck to you in the contest. Avril

  • sweetypie101
    August 11, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    dust or dusk? weigh or way? those would be my only two questions/critiques before you let him read it. because, of course, with a write this good, you HAVE to let him read it. hehe, keep up the great work, this is a great start at love poems! *cheers*
    *~SweetyPie~*


  • ILegally Insane
    August 11, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Aw I think this is so amazingly beautiful... you have talents thats for sure thanks for the comment. Keep up the great writes


  • Dishy
    August 11, 2004
    Edit | Reply

    really good

    So beautifully sad. This part says it all
    When the sun of tomorrow
    Peered out of the sky
    He kissed my tears so tender
    One of many, endless goodbyes
    good poerty makes you feel

1 - 8 of 8