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Leave me here..

The world was so cold when I was born,
Lying there tattered, shattered, and yet torn.
The tragedy lying ahead was me,
Look at the person I tried to be.

Leave me here in my room,
Let me swim around in my own doom.
Feel the numbness of the day,
Its my life I'll do it my way.

I tried to open my eyes at night,
But something was holding me back, with fright.
I felt the moist crimson run down,
And all I could do was frown.

Leave me here in my bed,
Where the voices fill my head.
Feel the pain of tonight,
Where I can't even see to have sight.

Whimpering like a little child,
Too bad I was weak, instead of wild.
What a dream this could turn out to be,
Why can't anyone see me.

Leave me here in my space,
Don't touch me, don't look at my face!
Feel the wind blow around so cold,
I NEVER LISTENED OR DID WHAT I WAS TOLD.

Now its come to the end,
Yes is over soon, my dear friend.
All alone I tend to be,
Still with no luck, love, to surround me.

Leave me here with all my fear,
Don't come close, don't come near.
Good bye to all that I know,
Now its time I go.

Author notes

e.e I'm long over due for a poem.
So heres one I just wrote.
I hope it makes sense.
x.x Maybe it only does to me.
Written August 10th, 2004

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    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments


  • bulletimperio
    September 5, 2004
    Edit | Reply

    excellent

    well for me, it has a lot of sense! let me tell that you're not alone in this world, i'm just trying to be strong and it helps a lot. you did a very good poem, it wouldn't be just that i could relate but i loved it and the flow was just wonderful!


  • pixyblade6
    September 1, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    i feel like this a lot, or at least i think i do, i tend to misinterprate poems a lot, but thisi s nice, kinda a clam yelling out loud, i don't know but what i do know is that this floats my boat
    -pixy


  • zt
    August 27, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    It seems to make sense to me. An aabb rhyme is hard to pull off without sounding forced (well, rhyme in general is) so don't feel bad thies one fell in that category. You were able to communicate the angst well. While your rhythm was poor, I liked the way your repeated the opening of every other stanza. Keep working on it and I think it will improve.