What is life's hour, but to be reckoned with?
Or is it a martyrdom struggle for naught?
Is love and justice a treacherous myth?
A vaporing concept naive men have sought?
This off beat rhyme of time, it doesn't halt,
just buries us faster in it's quicksand.
Can we trust and build on what we've been taught,
or is all just a shifting on life's demand,
as time moves us back and forth, in its expanse?
Between all exits which are just trap doors,
can truth ever be known? Or an obscure strand
in fading visions, and mixed metaphors?
Time doesn't wait for confusion to clear
we must continue on, trembling in fear.
Author notes
An attempt at a Spenserian Sonnet
I just finished reading Surfergirls latest: allpoetry.com/Poem/760478
Am I melancholy or what?
Written August 10th, 2004
In a list
What did you think
Comments
1 - 77 of 77
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very good and very good message. this poem is fascinating.
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Thank you glad you liked it. I enjoy writing sonnets when I get around to them. I would be curious to your opinion on my latest one- 'Together'
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I Really Enjoyed This!
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I'm not sure if I understand why you ask these questions because surely you know the answers or you wouldn't know to write them. Asking questions is the beginning of knowing and I think we ask what we already know but then again it's late so I'm rambling!
I'd answer step outside of time; it's only temporal and we can do that now.
A thoughtful, well written and intelligent poem.
Love, light & peace
Georgia
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actually in philosophy and I think any field, questions are often the end of 'knowing'...
I like that answer to my questions: 'step out of time...' - in fact I love it - that's a new one for me to explore.
Duana
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Wonderful Musing
Perhaps we all take life too seriously – perhaps we were really meant to stay part of the animal kingdom –
When you travel Northern Japan as I recently did to experience the Cheery Blossom festivals in various places ( it was beautiful ) . . . the serious lack of Western style toilets ( also the case throughout the Chinese countryside ) – and even the shortage of toilets of any kind . . make you aware of the frailty of mankind . . .
All pride and snobbishness flees your very being, as you squat on your haunches above a small hole in the floor . . knowing a line of fifty people are outside the door and the bus leaves in ten minutes . . .
Today the elitist expects to travel from Hilton Hotel to Hilton Hotel in search of adventure - but the reality is you must get off the bus and walk into the jungle to become aware of the real life of the planet. .
Albert
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Your comment is making me think that maybe over all good is winning over evil after all. Duana
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Wow... uh... WOW. I don't know what else to say, except that I loved it. It flowed so nicely and told such a truthful story.
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Thanks. I read a lot of poems on here- from people who write gorgeous poetry that flows perfectly, and beautifully- but then they feel like because I read theirs they have to read mine. Ane then...they are stumped to comment on my poetry- because I am like a 'poser poet'- I get an A for effort, but I have a lot to learn before I can really say I am a poet. So in light of that, thanks for your very sweet comment
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The dawn of time in the ambit of space was a terrorist attack of the plane of darkness on the realm of Light. It was the beginning of a full blown war between good and evil, the properties of both we bear inside us. That causes the confusion you wrote about in this excellent poem. From the realm of Light we are addressed with soft whispers of intuition, while the agents of the dark appeal to our greed and selfishness. The choice is ours, the conclusion of our choices mercilessly dicisive. This is how things go in any war. Thank you for creating and sharing. Take care,
U -
I agree with this 100%. You are a truly talented person, and I am glad to have found this beautiful poem. Never keep writing, this is a beautiful sonnet. ~ Kerri
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Hi. Yes it's a sonnet- but don't worry your's was a fine response to it. Plus, it was one of the first sonnets ever written so the meter may be off- I will have to go back and check it. Regarding your criticism of it being in question format- I follow the existentialist philosophy, as well as many other mainstream philosophers(including the first philosophers like Plato and Aristotle) who believe what is most important in life is asking the right questions, not writing profound statements...these questions are not meant to be answered simply, but to be explored carefully and over a life time to get at real answers. These were questions that poured out of my soul, and of course fitted to yes- fit a rhyme scheme and meter. Hope that helps you to understand where I was coming from.
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Life’s hour must be reckoned with
When day fills with struggles for naught.
Love and justice are terrible myths
Elusive concepts naïve men have sought.
Time’s jerky rhythm does not halt,
Just buries faster with falling sand.
Trust and build on what is taught
Respond to the shifting of life’s demand…
Time rolls o’er; e’er growing expanse.
All the exits disguised as trap doors
When truth can’t be known, obscure is its stance
A faded vision, a mixed metaphor.
Time won’t wait for confusion to clear…
Men must march on in trembling fear.
I hope you don’t mind what I’ve done here. Taking the questions out of the piece makes it less passive (in this case I felt it was rather wishy-washy in the questioning format you have). I took out many unnecessary pronouns and extraneous words, and I rearranged others, in an effort to tighten up the rhythm and to make it more solid.
A good friend shared this advice with me: “when writing poetry, write everything; but then pare out all the extra words…the words you don’t absolutely need to produce your image or make your point.” Poetry is not the same as telling a story…poetry paints a story. And the difference is vast. Some people write lines that rhyme, but still don’t write poetry. First a writer must have a vision, then the words to describe the vision, and then the ability to see which words must be cut. I’m not saying I did it right here…I’m just saying that (as I am being taught) this is the next editing step to take. The words I cut out of your poem (and I’m almost afraid to do it…it feels like sacrilege to change what someone has written. And yet I do it, because when my friends and associates and fellow students do this for me I learn SO MUCH.) are only the words I cut out. You might have cut different ones. You might have left them all in. I just felt like I should share my reasoning and this, my favourite step to writing poetry…the editing.
Now, I’m not a hundred percent sure, but the form of a Spenserian sonnet applies just to the rhyme scheme(abab, bcbc, cdcd, ee), right? I mean, you’re not sticking a million extra syllables in there to meet a certain count, hopefully, or I just spent a lot of time writing a useless comment.
Well here's hoping nobody shoots me for this one, or calls me the world's largest fool... -
Yes, I like this poem too. Although fear and time are illusions, you have captured the essence of thoughts and ideas that possess many of us at some "time" or another. Nicely done.
peace
doug
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Wow. That was really awesome. Your choice of words was excellent and you did a great job with a form I would never even attempt.
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In the sixth line "it's" should be "its", but that's really all the constructive criticism I have. You did a great job with a very strict form. I love the last two lines.
Thank you for entering my contest and good luck!
~*~Kat C~*~
P.S. Remember to comment on at least two other poems in the contest and put the titles in the comment area. -
Oh this was VERY nicely executed, the flow was near perfect, and the imagery wonderful! I don't know much about Spenserian rhymes, but I thoroughly enjoyed this one very much. Good luck in the contest!
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Well done
I can't believe that I haven't commented on this, I thought I had. Anyway, although the rhyming is not quite Spenserian, it is a lovely sonnet and poses excellent question. I suppose we are all suspended between necessity and expedience and must make our own choices. Well written, I enjoyed it.
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Makes me think...in certain places in this piece what was pointed out was the obvious questionable thoughts we all share regarding the meaning and depth, and length of time one has, had or lost-no one really knows I guess-right?
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First of all, thanks for entering my contest. I think this is a very interesting concept that definitely sheds new light on the subject. I liked the rhyme scheme and you kept rhythm, for the most part throughout the poem. I think it would have been cool to see some alliteration or other sound techniques, but I'm not too picky on that. I'm debating on just HOW MUCH this poem stimulates my thinking cap. I'll have to read over this one again and find something that totally kicks the can and sends me into that "THIS WAS EFFING AMAZING" state of mind that I'm so desperately looking for. Hopefully it does that for me. Thanks for sharing. Good luck. Till next time...
P.S.-Please comment on other's poems in the contest. -
Time is the judge and jury for us all. It holds no bias and discriminates not. It holds us gently or tightly depending on what we ask of it. This is a fabulous poem. The strength is in the laguage and the way it neatly moves through its images and ideas. It dioesn't halt or stutter...much like time. And like time this poem will stand the test.
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wow, thanks Rainbow Queen. I can't wait til that day too. It is slowly emerging...
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You have a unique way of voicing your feelings and thoughts. I have read many poets work on this site, and have found some awesome writers, but you are really a fantastic poet. I can't wait until your art collides with the core of you.
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Nice write
Thsi has a very nice flow to it and does in fact question the reality a bit... much to my adoration is your way with words! -
good
this was a really nice poem. asked some really good questions and was writen intrestingly. Keep up the good work!
Bowie of the knfie and spear. -
i like the imagery of the poem the deep message on it..and the way Time doesn't wait for confusion to clear
we must continue on, trembling in fear.good job! -
Thanks for reading ultraviolence. I will have to check out some more of your poetry!
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Intriguing
The volume of bad poetry coming from you is substancially less than what i've seen come from others. In fact, I haven't seen any thus far. You have the gift. Time is often the subject of my poetry, it baffles me to consider time, space, and the fact that I exist. Or do I? I don't know, no time to question it, though.
Edited on Aug 13, 3:55 p.m. because 'I can'. -
Oh yeah, and I wanted to also add, that up to this point I haven't been able to express myself through poetry. Now, 'who I am', and 'poetry' is starting to come together. I just say 'starting' though- so beware! More bad poems to come,lololol.
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Thanks for you encouragement. It was one of those quantum jumps that take place after awhile. And you also got the point of this poem the best too out of all the comments. As Plato said, the unexamined life is not worth living. After you have examined your life inside and out, then these are the questions that come out of the whole struggle. The more you know, the more you don't know
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Insightful
Duana:
All metaphors are mixed. This is quite the metaphysical poem and a witty and wise exploration of time. Your craft continues to impress.
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Duana -
You have come so far in such a short period of time! You are able to suffuse your work with complicated philosophies and stay within the boundaries so well! I am impressed. Brava!
Scott
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i could never write a sonnet.. ive thought about trying a couple of times but
congratulations on this one, it really worked...made me think a bit which is always good the lsat lines.. althoug they might not be what i would have chosen they fitted the piece perfectly, because a lot of the questions you ask are scary... and there's no easy answer..
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... I dont know what to say... I mean this is brilliant... gah I need a better vocaulary... I love it!
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Excellent
Duana, i see you like to ask questions as well!!! Excellent poem with a nice flow and read and the content.....you know what i think of that.
Georges -
very great write. Wish i knew what to say something maybe smarter than great write, but i loved it so there
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This is obviously not an easy form to achieve but you have done wonderfully!
Your choice of rhyme was very impressive and the language was true to the form. I love your references to poetry as metaphors of life experiences.
Really excellent work you have here
~~Dawn
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thank you english teacher
Okay. i will change it to expanse. That is still an off rhyme, so it fits. Thanks.
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well, that's the problem ; 'expand' is a verb not a noun, and cannot be used as a noun. 'Expanse' is the noun. For 'expand' to fit it would need a change in the sense of the phrase. You cannot say "its expand", that would have to be 'its expanse'. If you can find a way to fit 'to expand' it could work.
~ G
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maatkara, expand it used as a noun there. Can you explain what you mean?
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Excellent questions.. I think just about all of us ask... I would venture to guess that we must build, even if we question all we are taught. Without a foundation we would be hard pressed to stand anywhere...and we all do to some degree...eventually....
Nicely done.
~~whims -
Thank you so much for your thoughtful comment- I totally agree with it! I almost missed your comment. It didn't show up in my messages...I saw it here!
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Excellent, Duana! A little difficult to read on the orange back (a pale yellow or blue would be great
) Remember the 'red & black' combinations go both ways.
Anyway, your poem was truly wonderful!
Don't you think line 9 could be tweaked to get "expand" to fit as the correct part of speech?
I would prefer the last line to read, 'We must continue on, to conquer our fear.' (or, 'we must continue on, despite our fear'). But that's just me.
~ G
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I really enjoyed this. I liked the last two lines a lot. Time/life doesn't wait. You have to go on. You have to learn to deal and cope as you move through time. No rest for the weary. Really good write, it was one of those where my eyes didn't stray from them words once. Keep up the good work.
God Bless,
Ant. -
this is downright awesome i have never been good at sonnets, but you show your ability in this form very much like a cat extending its claws--it may have taken a lot of work, but it flowed effortlessly as i read it, and i love it for that... and you're right that time won't stop to wait until we've got it all figured out, we've just got to move forward, even as we tremble with fear... excellent write
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Voco reads the poem and stays calm with his head down(***because he is bowing***) Excellent poem. Very strong. Classy but I still dig it. Wink, wink and smoke hugs to you friend.
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Great questions. You poetically expressed questions you (and many people) ask. I would love to discuss some of the answers I've found to these with you.
This poem does not express much hope. Without hope the questions remain unanswered.
Excellent piece. Well written. Profound. Deep. -
You can see the comment I made to RJ
But thanks for your lovely and encouraging support. It was fun to go through the sonnets class with you(we should all have a party,lol. Maybe we could get the teacher drunk, and he's start talkinmg,lol and tell us what he really thinks 
). It would be fun to take another class with you, so who knows in September!!! (Hey you were in my haiku class too right? )
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you said 'the content feels real'- yeah, every single sonnet thus far has been for an assignment, and for the sole purpose of practicing the form(though I did of course try to say something!). However in this one we had to speak about life- that was our assignment, and so it brought out a different level in me. In the other assignments we weren't given a topic. But yeah, I guess all that practice paid off. I know I still have lost to learn, but it's progress so I am happy!!!!
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I agree with everyone here. An excellent work Duana! I liked the content, the rhymes and everything else
You go girl!
Kisses and love,
Mari
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Real and smooth. Very nice.
‘Hour Glass’ real step above what you have done before. First the content feels real. It really made me stop to think. Certainly someone could write a very classy poem about nothing, but I for one, prefer those that leave me with something I can keep.
As to form, again a vast improvement. I can tell that you were paying more attention to the flow of the read and the sounds of the words. The iambic form does set some basic structure, but you certainly went beyond that. In any case I believe that the work you spent editing really paid off. And from the comments, it looks like everyone else noticed it too. All in all, a smooth write.
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Your comment means the most to me out of all of them, because I was wondering if people got transfixed by the picture, and that is why they thought my writing was good- so thank you so much for saying what you did! It meant everything to me. By the way, I was inspired by this 'hour glass' I had from childhood, and so it was nice to find a picture for this poem. However i wanted it a tad smaller- but no good at reimaging picture,lol.
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Maybe it's reincarnation, huh? haha (Do you believe in that by the way? I forgot). But yeah jk. I found your comment especially funny, because another poet I admire, like you, said 'Duana, you do so excellent with free verse', but I think I am finally getting the hang of structured poetry, and I'm LOVING IT!!! But guess what? It has made me totally uncomfotable with free writing now
Anyway thanks for your comment.
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This is very cool, I love the imagery behind it! The image is cool too, but the poem itself paints a picture so much nicer than the image above could ever hope to be. The flow is excellent, and the word choice is amazing! Excellent write!
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Brilliant
Brilliant work here, Duana. You rhyming just flowed like the never-waiting sand of the hour glass. Somehow you just do so excellent on these structured poetry. I think you are living in the wrong era LOL What about a bit of time travelling, hmmmm?
Hugs
Myra -
I've said it before and I'll say it again, I don't know anything about sonnets. So sonnet or not, I really like this. I love the whole concept here. Very nice.
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Thank you Mary, that really means a lot coming from you. It helps me to put my work into perspective. All that practice with my sonnets and iambic meter finally kicked in I think!
I think not being a fraid to stumble really helped a lot too! Plus all the wonderful encouragement I get on here. thanks again. -
beautiful and brilliant
I agree with Inari, this is perfect form in it's PRIME, babe!!..."Can we trust and build on what we've been taught"...I'm learning all the time that yes, we can sometimes, and then sometimes what we have been taught was wrong or false. We therefore, hopefully just learn a bit from that as well and do the opposite....lol....OMG I hope I didn't seem like I was rambling....hehe.... anyway, I think you get my drift....This was incredible, Duana!!!!......I love it..... 
~~~~~~~~Stephanie~~~~~~~~
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a very thoughtful and intelligent sonnet, i have to say. great choice of words. and i love the rhyme scheme. it just works. nicely done.
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there is beautiful and profound phrasing in this poem and it is written with excellent rhyme and flow. as someone already said there is no need for advice, you have a flawless write here. (i went in the back door and not the featured box so as not to waste your points)
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thougth provoking, i love the concept of time, yet to write on it tho, but soon. well have a good one
=pixy -
When you have a life like mine, it's not hard to think this way If you have read all my work up til this point, I think you will be able to see that this is a summary of everything I have veer written on here.
Edited on Aug 10, 9:04 p.m. because ''. -
well that takes some talent my friend.. some though and plenty time.. beats the hell outta me though. I couldn't tell you a sonnett from a whole in the ground.
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Hi. Thank you for your very nice comment. i will tell you something here. I am just learning how to express myself in poetry, and I think maybe it is starting to come together for me, and I am starting to become comfortable with using form. If you followed my journey on AP, then you will discover all the bumps I took in learning what peotry is about, because i did it all on here, and not behind closed doors, so that I could gain feedback but also so that I could also encourage others on the same journey as me. I am glad that you enjoyed this poem so much!
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Truly amazing!
It'd be quite unnecessary for me to post a comment here. . . with your perfect form, you do not require any advice. . . and with the confidence of your writing, encouragement is a mere novelty. But since I wasted one of your clicks, I might as well express my gratitude for brining us an awesome work such as this. In your words, the words of "Hour Glass", I couldn't find any problems. . . not with the words nor the meaning. . . you are a very skilled poet, that you must already know. But it'd be rude of me not to tell you again. That poem was spectacular, it greatly overshadows most other works that I have seen so far in my short time on Allpoetry.com, even my own. I would truly like to thank you for such a great piece of Literature, may your other works be just as grand. . . if not more so. (You know they will be!) Anyways, thanks. . .
Fox -
I am defiantly to slow tonight to be able to really grasp the entire meaning of this piece, however even with my slowness I can still tell it is very beautiful and very well done, I love this form that you used, anyway I am going to check back later when I can think straight and really grasp it all, good job, ...KraM...
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i really liked the poem, sorry my comments arn't exactly constructive
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Thank you. I am glad you enjoyed it.
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Nicely Done
Ahhh, this was amazing. Not only was is beautifully written, but it was so deep. I could truly tell that you put a lot of time and thought into it.
The rhyme scheme made the poem flow wonderfully, which is always the sign of a fabulous poet.
I think that this is one of those poems in which, after you read it, you walk away still thinking about it. Your idea of the big and important things in our lifes in which we hold the highest, actually being a myth, ect. is very thought-provoking.
Great poem!!!!!
--Katy -
great write!!
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Your comment made me chuckle Double the points(from you) for having it(my poem) make sense
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That was too sweet of you. I am trying hard.
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Excellent
Now I wouldn't have a clue what a Spenserian Sonnet
is ... But I do know that I like very much what you have written here. It has a good flow, and what's more ... the content makes perfect sense!
Wonderfully thought out.
You are very talented.
Take every care,
Sammy -
Ohhhhh, Duana!!! Sooooo beautiful...& I WANT that picture!!! I have an hourglass on my mantel that came off of a ship...LOVE THIS WRITE!!! God...I need a printer SOOOOO bad...
This is very lovely, my Friend...I am DULY impressed... ...Wanda
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good write i gatta go otherwise i'd have a better comment sorry
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ooh! I love it! Thats so...deep...and....I dunno what else to say, lol I LUV it
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Bravo!
This is terrific! Great message!
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