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Fun Fair

Oh good lord, I'm gonna be sick;
As I sit here upside down;
I paid my money and stood in
line, but the man wont let me down.

I've been hanging here now, for half an hour,
just crying and pleading for sure;
but that mean old man, took his half a crown,
and now he has shut the door.

So I'm hollering and screaming;
And generally ick;
I don't want to come here again.
It's not so exciting, it just looks inviting,
till you climb on and then you get sick.





But here's Mommy and Daddy,
and now I'm not  sad; 
Just a little unstable, in tummy.
It's not just the pop, or the apples, I bobbed,
thats making me feel funny inside,

Helter-skelter, dodgems, flying whirlies
or rides, they all make for a day out for most;
But you can keep your heights  and bright dazzling lights,
 
so next year, I'll stay home all alone







Author notes

Lol I really hated writing this I hate funfairs or anything that moves close to the earth ( Cars excepted)or heights,so I had to write as I remember feeling, sorry
Written August 9th, 2004

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Comments

1 - 23 of 23

  • cutiepie gold member
    August 10, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Thank you I am glad you enjoyed it


  • cutiepie gold member
    August 10, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Sorry probably me reading it upside down

  • Northern Redneck
    August 10, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    That is my point exactly. I get sick on the rides and the rest of the stuff doesn't interest me. Excellent poem. I know exactly how the rider was feeling.

  • tapballet
    August 9, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    well, this was a sweet poem, but it didn't relate to my contest, unless i missed something. good write though, and good luck


  • LiquidEmotion15
    August 9, 2004
    Edit | Reply

    cute

    lol thats so funny but u gotta luv those rides check out my poems i always appreciate comments thanx and keep on writing yur talented
    amy

  • cutiepie gold member
    August 9, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Aw Freda you are most welcome to steal those lines, I had such trouble even trying to get a whole line together Thank you for your kind words and I certainly space after a comma in future,


  • shastadaisey123
    August 9, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    hello my friend..I love this little piece ( space after your comma's please )...this line is precious..."but you can keep your heights and bright dazzling lights "... that os neat/I may steal that for a future work (tee-hee) write on I shall read freda


  • cutiepie gold member
    August 9, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Thank you and thank you for your comment on the flow it is appreciated

  • ConkersMinion9
    August 9, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Its a good poem
    You change the rhyming a bit too much though, and its flow is a bit messed up in my opinion
    You might want to try and fix that?
    Anyways, good poem


  • cutiepie gold member
    August 9, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Thank you nikki4 I am glad you enjoyed it

  • nikki4
    August 9, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    i love rides there the best but i could imagin that the fairs over here at the mo and i would hate to get stuck up side down little kid would b worse tho anyway good write thanks for sharing


  • cutiepie gold member
    August 9, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Perhaps a word to the AP staff might do the job? ie Kevin? I am glad you liked the poem, thank you

  • pozo
    August 9, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    I liked this poem a lot, it was really well-written, I don't like rides either- I don't see how it's fun to make yourself scared. Thanks for critiquing my column, my problem is that sometimes they list it (they only list it under one selected category) under something less appropiate than another of your selections. Keep writing


  • cutiepie gold member
    August 9, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Thanks, I am glad you enjoyed it


  • Piscean soul
    August 9, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    haha very very nice and cute .... sure is the fun fair =)

  • cutiepie gold member
    August 9, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Lol well I am really glad that you have never felt like I did, most people really enjoy all the fun of the pair, but there are a few of us that find it horrific

  • cutiepie gold member
    August 9, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Thank you Still sends shivers down my spine even thinking of cotton candy and coconuts Glad you enjoyed it though


  • procrastinater
    August 9, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    I liked it a lot, you really did capture the feeling and even though I've never felt it I knew exactly how you felt at that moment in time good write


  • adios muchachos gold member
    August 9, 2004
    Edit | Reply

    quite XLNT

    Dear C P,,
    I liked this little story about the Ferris Wheel(you spelled it right)Not too crazy about them myself.Just let something happen in one of the other cars and you're stuck up there indefinately.
    Nice writing, nicely home-spun.

    John-Las Vegas
    Edited on Aug 09, 3:47 p.m. because 'cause'.


  • cutiepie gold member
    August 9, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Thank you for the correction I am glad you had a chuckle

  • cutiepie gold member
    August 9, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Had such a job to try and rhyme anything didnt do that well but have to say I am really glad to have it finished Thank you for your comments

  • MollysWall
    August 9, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    This is so funny! I was cracking up just picturing a little tyke upside down on a ride. Ugh I don't like rides either, my stomach feels like its still moving a week later!
    I think the first line is missing a d?
    Best of luck in the contest
    ~M~


  • Dutch Doll
    August 9, 2004
    Edit | Reply

    :^)

    )) This is adorable, the first stanza was great, this poem had my giggling all the way through actually. Not afraid of heights myself, but i have a weird phobia of Ferris(can't spell,) Wheels, won't go near 'um.
    Nice write,
    'moonlight

1 - 23 of 23