I gaze upon your mezmerizing face
the mischievous twinkle in your eyes;
Your sweet thin lips, parted in gentle sighs,
invite me in your sacred earthly space.
My heart aches in your comforting embrace.
In eternal happiness my soul cries.
Trembling, my body next to yours lies,
still moved at how wonderously I'm graced.
Awakened, I watch you peacefully sleep.
Totally safe, I am in heaven now.
As tears of happiness run down my cheeks,
overcome by the tenderness you've shown,
I long to nestle with you forever
and never be afraid again. Ever.
Author notes
Italian Sonnet! But gain, don't hold your breath!
Written August 4th, 2004
In a list
What did you think
Comments
1 - 44 of 44
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The idea of this write was beautiful. I really enjoyed the read. The visual of the lovers was spiritual and well done. Good luck.
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I trully hope to find another that creats the feelings that this poem describes. GREAT JOB
Nicky
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I have to smile at this one
you make me want to be there in that place with that person. Love is such a wonderous and confusing emotion. You did well showing the great feelings within it.
Nicky -
Very romantic. Thanks for entering!
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This is a GREAT write..im in love right now and i can relate to this one!!...good job though..have a happy holiday!!.. Keep on writing!!.. *muchlove*Amberleigh*(Ambro)
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Lovely.
Bravo!! Once again I wonder if it is about a real person, and if it is, how they have inspired you so much to write such a beautiful po-Sonnet. Hehe. And, I also wonder if maybe...they could write a book, err...gimme a few pointers on how to inspire people?? Hehe. Just Playing...kinda. Oops...rambling. Beautiful sonnet, loved the word usage, and the obvious love and caring you feel towards this person. I won't get as technical as BlackKnight, and just say, "Gorgeous piece" -
This is beautiful! I don't know what Italian Sonnets are but if they're like yours they must be wonderful. You are such a talented writer!
~Kayla
Edited on Sep 18, 10:48 p.m. because ''. -
Ehhh, it's an Italian Sonnet as far as how it's divided up, with the eight-line octet and the six-line sestet. While the octet rhymes consistently (albeit a bit forced in a few areas) with an Italian Sonnet (ABBA ABBA), the sestet, I'm afraid, does not. The sestet of the Italian Sonnet usually goes as follows: CDE CDE, or, CD CD CD. I saw neither of these rhyme schemes in the sestet, unless, of course, I'm somehow going blind, or there is another rhyme scheme I am not aware of.
The rhythm seems jumbled up in a few areas, and doesn't quite seem to have the iambic pentameter I've been pampered into expecting from any Italian (or Shakesperian) Sonnet. Still though, your poem isn't a sappy love-fest (thank God!), and I must commend you with brownie points for having entered a sonnet at all. Good luck. -
Would that we all experience this but once in our lifetimes...
Excelent portrayal.
btw, thanks for commenting on mine with kind words. -
Not worth a word, its too great to put an explination, its too great for one word to hold.
another great one i've read from you.
Luch Muck.
KAT! -
THRILLINGLY INSPIRED WRITE!!!
OMG, DUANA!!! wow. This is just absolutely breath-taking.....stunning...elegant....heart-felt.....full of Beauty & Grace...wonderful, my Friend...wonderful...BRAVO. ...Wanda
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oh hunny this is captivating...sheer elegance and warth. i love the imagrey and deep emotions you place in it. thank you
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Thank you Mary. Your feedback means a lot to me!
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this is a beautifully written work! love floods over in the reading. phrasing is very artistic and emotion is conveyed with elegance. wonderful
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This poem is exquisit! The love just jumps off of the page! I am yet to find this kind of love at the moment, but it's coming. I can tell that you really feel a great deal for this person! Beautiful!! Two thumbs WAY up!!
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How sadly true
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This is the holy grail, the fountain of youth, the pot at the end of the rainbow..the breath of life that we all yearn for. How many of us take this all for granted.. how many only really test the weight of it's worth until it's gone forever..?
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This is a beautifully romantic poem which I liked a lot, I like the fact it's a petrachan sonnet, nice to see an old form being used and the rhymes are really natural. Great write- thanks for commenting on my song
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Warm, wonderful, with tender vulnerability - straight from the heart! This is lovely, Duana.
~ G
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This is a wonderful poem Duana. I am certainly glad that I stopped by tonight. It really is a great write. See you again soon.
Damon D. Brewer -
excellent!
Wonderfully done! you have a lot of emotion flowing in this. The poem works evenly and with a soft tone. -
This is very emotional. Another rhyming poet with incredible ease and grace....Every now and then we think it's good to read upbeat poems such as these. There's certainly a warmth and style here. Very impressive and whimsical. It's crafted very sightfully and aware , Almost like a promise that has been kept close to the poets heart. We are glad to have found you and will certianly view more over time.
Your friends ,
Jaunty pill and Slaughter
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This was very peaceful. When I read something like this it makes me want it not to end. I could go on forever reading it feeling the peace. Very good write.
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Blissfull love is just the best. I have often watched my husband while sleeping, it is a peaceful sight. I love this sonnet and understand the tenderness of such a love. Hope it last past forver! Very beautiful and sentimental, but then so is LOVE! EXQUISITE!
Thank you for all your support. You encourage and inspire me with each comment left on my poetry
Edited on Aug 04, 7:38 p.m. because 'I can't spell worth a darn , and typos, OH BOY!!!'.
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You are so full of it telling me that you can't write a sonnnet!
This is great girl! Loved the content too!
Hugs,
Mari
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me niether melphleg. But I think it will get easier with time. One day we will both have a quantum leap moment!
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I think this is nice - very intimate. It speaks of delight, affection and security beautifully. I envy the rhythm and structure for that does not come easy to me.
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Wow..... This is a very good poem..... I love it..... You are so discriptive on this poem............. I love the flow... You did a very amazing job on this poem........ Its beautiful.... And sweet...... Great job keep it up..... Heather...... return the favor
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Hey you are also right about Shakesspear, but he knew what he was doing with perfect iambic pentameter before he veered off it! So I think I better try to stick to the straight and narrow,lol.
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PS I LOVE the sacred earthly space- but yeah I know not every one would appreciate it, because it is a reflection of how I myself view life, and others.
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Actually, if you have ever been in such a moment, I don't think 'trembeling, my body next to yours lies' is convoluted. But I know what you mean. I don't like the 'next to yours' part. I don't like the way it flows. Thank you so much for your helpful comment. Yeah my meter is off. I can figure that out easy enough- hehe. Butit is the fixing it,haha. However, you gacve me an idea, to get down to the nitty gritty of exactly where it is off. Thanks!!
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So so sweet. I love the part about the lips being parted in gently sighs. That's beautiful. These Italian sonnets are good, I like
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This peom has got a nice motive behind it, I think the way some things were put could be different:
"Trembling, my body next to yours lies,"
Even though this is a nice line and all it's just a bit convoluted and I know that you needed to make it that way because you had to fit the rhyme but maybe there is a different way
I'm also not to sure about the "earthly space" part either, dont know what that is. I'd like to mention though that shakespeare wasn't very strict with his form, some of his lines would be twelve syllables or 9 it just depends, so I dont think its that big of a deal if your off, your meter is still off though, I dont know if you have tried to work o it much, its hard I know but you'll get the hang of it
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A very pleasant sonnet! The description and emotion are calm and comforting.
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great poem
Your words were wonderfully placed and deightful to read, your emotion and yoru adoratino of your partner were truly touching on many planes. Good job! -
aww this was a very sweet poem..very nicely done..keep up the writing ..always, Macy
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woah awesome write..it was beautiful...i remember memories like these..its makin me depressed...Nweiz i luv ur poem..keep writin.
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Awesome!
This is beautiful - yet sad for me to read, so I apologize for not saying more. It just reminds me that I will never have this kind of love in my life. But you did an excellent job and I am happy for you if this is indeed your world! -
i like this, duanna, it is very beautiful. lots of calming smiles it gives out to me. keep smiling please, yes.
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Good write! Such peacefulness and contentment. Good job!
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aww this is lovely. i long to find such love!!!! Thanks for sharing yet another wonderful piece of yours!
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How lovely! It shows the raw emmotion between you and your partner. It was absolutely beautiful. It was honest and just beautiful, I cant think of any other words to describe it, just keep on writing. This piece was and again I say it beautiful lol.
much love! -
awesome poem!thanks for shareing
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i liek this!!!!thanks for sharing that sweet piece.keep it up!!
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