Surrounding me is nothing but stubble,
and ash;efforts that amounted to naught.
Guilt haunts me. I caused this trouble.
Couldn't stay single minded, my worst fault.
Seething at God for all the trials and pain,
the challenges were hard, unfair, and cruel.
I'd never want to go through this again,
yet, each and every one brought me to you.
Your steady course of actions speak so real
of warmth, laughter, justice, integrity.
YOU. The embodiment of my ideals,
you are the light God revealed to me.
Your brilliance shines more than you even know
can my guilt ridden heart accept it though?
Author notes
I
Written August 1st, 2004
In a list
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Dear Duana,
Again, there are departures from iambic meter which a little readjustment of words would correct. However, a few of the rough rhymes indicate a need for more serious reworking.
As I have indicated, I would be happy to help you if you are interested.
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Hi Hugh, I already reworked this one in the past week or so! I would be interested in your opinuion on my revision. It's on my author page.
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Drop this version from the contest. Version 2 has real promise.
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check your meter. an iambic line always starts with an unstressed syllable and ends with a stressed syllable.
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good
nice poem....seems very truthful and from the heeart...good job! -
Sometimes when life seems to be at its worse, we come in contact with someone who can change it completely for the better.
I know my life has changed remarkably since my daughter came into my life, 19 months ago. I no longer wish for death or view death as a means of escaping and I see so much beauty I didn't take the time to notice before.
I enjoyed reading It made me smile
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I agree with what Fantine said 100%! We have to live with our trials to learn from them! I loved this poem! I can see the imagery and thoughts that you put into this! Awesome job...Keep writing it's great!
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This was pretty good... I liked it... A little rough but still really good... I like the flow of the poem... I really don't have anything to say about it so yeah... Great write!
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You seem to write from the heart and that is the mark of a good poet. This write showed a lot of heartfelt emotion and you put it down well in words. As your writing matures and you add a little polish you will produce some nice work. You have great potential and when you develope a style that suits your writing things will fall in place. You are off to a good start and you just need to experiment with different styles until you find something you are comfortable with. Keep writing. have fun
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Good
You seem to write from the heart and that is the mark of a good poet. This write showed a lot of heartfelt emotion and you put it down well in words. As your writing matures and you add a little polish you will produce some nice work. You have great potential and when you develope a style that suits your writing things will fall in place. You are off to a good start and you just need to experiment with different styles until you find something you are comfortable with. Keep writing. have fun
PS If u like you could read my poetry i have posted on the site well god bless and let gods fortune be with you wherever you go :-) -
this makes me think it could be about a lot of different things. thats the beauty of this poem is that its so... universal. i relate it to my own life... part of it to me is about losing a friendship through mistakes i made, and part of it is about finding a NEW best friend... THROUGH all the mistakes i made! would love to know what it means to YOU!
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Very Good
Beautiful poem i would like to read more of your poetry along the way and if you like i u could read some of my poetry too god bless :-) and may god and may goodness of the lord be with you -
Your comment was appreciated more than you could ever know.
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Oh wow!! I can really relate to this, I've been going through a lot lately and I just have to keep reminding myself that the trials that we go through are given to us for a reason; we have something to learn. Remember this: If he brought you to it, he'll bring you through it.
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soul - moving
Ooh, sorry I took so long to get around to reading this, Duana. This is amazing! I don't know how to explain this, but your heart just glowed from this poem. I don't know how technically 'correct' it is as a sonnet, but that has nothing to do with the spirit of it. This has heart-tugging honesty and integrity...makes me want to grab you and say, "What the heck should you feel 'guilty' for!"
I'm sorry, I'm afraid I have not been very coherent...I get that way when moved. (I'm a little tired too)
~ G
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hmm. I liked the poem, it flowed very well and expressed your feelings quite nicely!
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Thank you Meg for your wonderful comment. It really encouraged me. You know, I am not a very good judge of my own work. I always hear a harsh tone to my work that I do not like, and I see a flow to other people's work that I can't achieve. So it's frustrating. I feel like my work is never 'final'. But I am trying Thanks again.
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I am not usually into poems that deal with Spiritual ideas, but this was well done. I enjoyed and could relate to most of it. I didn't find this 'not polished' but then again this is the first time I have ever read your work. Awesome job. Thanks for the comment.
Meg -
Great write, I liked it a lot Patience helps you see God again, it's always important to remember He'll always love you. Great write
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Hey thanks electropudding. You really made my day with your comment!
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I liked it. You wish you didn't have to go through what you did but it did lead you to a special person, so in a way it's ok. Yes, very well done.
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Very well done. I loved it.. Especially the ending..
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excellent
Well expressed....Accept and move on. The way to discover.
Very good peom with honesty , words and meaning....thank you
Buchan -
i thought this was VERY good work! these feelings are feelings everyone has experienced. i know i have a million times. despair at God, only to realize, he was already answering your prayer, you just needed to be patient.
great write,
peace be with you!
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