Ambitious thoughts of passion
strike while seated at the station
perchance my lover is waiting too
what a mythical revelation
As my luck would have it
we travel inversely every day
without a mere chance of meeting
I throw the realism away
Opposites attract? Not a
dependable connection...
unless our love were magnetized
to avail our intersection
I go forwards, you go backwards
in the middle we shall meet
until that time approaches
I'll dream of it in my subway seat
Author notes
Lyrics #3 "When I go forwards you go backwards and somewhere we will meet" - Radiohead 'Electioneering' The moment I read these lyrics I thought of subway trains passing eachother, things just popping into my mind when reading something else is rarely where I find my inspiration but I don't think it turned out too shabby.
Written July 31st, 2004
A contest entry
- Challenge: Lyrics and Quotes by Axelle Black.
1000 points, ended August 11, 2004, 10 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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im aquarius too girl, come see my writings please
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hope you find a sub for your loneliness on the way...Artis
Edited on Sep 14, 10:04 p.m. because ''. -
Hi,
I really enjoyed reading this. Destinies in love have always been an interesting and an exciting subject.
Best wishes,
Saurabh. -
Very musical piece...nicely written and great read.
Well done.
Sam
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This is great and I can see where you saw subway trains. You did a wonderful job and I really enjoyed reading this. Thank you, by the way, for the comment on "Hard-Cracked Accidents". I really appreciate it! You did a great job!!
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A great poem with amazing imagery, I love the way you wrote this- it was very well worded. Keep up the good work and thanks for commenting on my poem
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This is really great, probably one of your best works yet! I know you'll win, because this is so moving and....wow. Just wow. ^_^ Really great song, wonder what it would sound like
Anyways great write, as usual ^_~
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wow highly impressive!! i know a lot of people who live for the "what if" chances..... i dont know what it is about this poem but im drawn to it somehow! the language used & thoughts that are provoked in the reader is amazing!! im definately going to check out more of your stuff
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lol i love it! I got the feel of movement throughout it as well . brilliantly worded, something of a matter-of-factly nature about it. Reminded me a bit of the film 'sliding doors', shpwing different opportunities and outcomes. Good luck in the contest! great write #~anya~# (FromTheAshes) (i want to applaud this but im not sure if i have the points yet :S)
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lol your subway seat hehe! Very nice poem, technical also with all those complicated words
. I understand very much the principle of trains or subways passing each other...great metaphor for this quote. I liked: the nice rhythm and flow; the very neat rhyming; eloquent vocabulary; and no typos. I disliked: the lack of emotion or perhaps I didn't understand it all; the second stanza's fourth verse...ending in "I say" this was forced lol! But that is it, very good poem in all. Good job and good luck in the contest!
~Mizunderstood -
hmmm, you know, I agree I had some rythm problems there definately, thank you!
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"When I go forwards you go backwards and somewhere we will meet" -- well i can see how you got inspiration from that line, its an awesome one. Youre idea of a subway was really unique and it went with the quote well.
Good luck
Sarah
Edited on Jul 31, 1:43 p.m. because ''. -
This is sort of an antithesis of the "Two-ships-passing-in-the-night" convention, and is quite well done. I traveled the NYC subways quite a bit some years ago, and I'd imagine that many thousand of riders have had the feelings you've protrayed here.
"...Opposites are the ones to attract
but that's not dependable with direction..."
This throws me off rythm a bit. I might have written someting like:
"Opposites attract? Not a
dependable connection..."
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It think it is fine the way it is! Don't change it.
Great work!
Mariah -
I love it! It reminds me of that Korean movie, "My Sassy Girl"... IT completely reveals the missed "chances" and "opportunities" of which the hands of Fate eventually set them up together.
It's so nice to think that perhaps, when we are commuting on the way home, the guy/girl for us is just nearby somewhere
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good job
Great job, i lovd the sense of motion in this poem, the rhyming flowed as well, even your choice of background and text color complimented your theme!
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